Pursonic S750 Sonic Toothbrush with UV Sanitizer
- Remove plaque without irritating your gums with the power of science
- 40,000 sonic strokes per minute, babycakes
- Built-in UV sanitizer designed to kill 99.9% of bacteria and germs on the brush heads, also repels Komodo dragons (evidence is anecdotal)
- 2-minute timer with a 30-second vibrate alert reminds you to brush each quadrant of your mouth
- Brush-head adapter is made of durable metal, better than breakage-prone plastic models, if you ask us
- Model: S750, though they’re fighting an uphill battle against Suzuki motorbikes if they hope to claim the Google results
Get a Robot to Do It
When, in the imminent future, robot cars start driving us around, it’ll probably hurt our pride a little. Every one of us considers him/herself a pretty good driver. The robot car tacitly proclaims our self-assessments are wrong. But the total rad-ness of riding in a robot car will more than make up for the mild sting of demotion to the passenger seat.
If we were honest with ourselves, we’d see there are lots of tasks at which the machines could outperform us. Here’s one: Brushing our teeth.
You’re probably fine at brushing your teeth, the same way you’re probably a perfectly OK driver. Meaning you fall far short of the ideal. But toothbrushing is a repetitive stroke applied uniformly for a specified duration. You think you do that better than a robot? That’s in the robot wheelhouse.
We’ve had automated electrical tooth-brushing machines since the 1950s, but here you are still trying to out-brush them by hand like the John Henry of oral hygiene. John Henry is our dumbest folk hero. He literally worked himself to death to prove he could break rock better than a steam hammer. Way to go, Johnny; you sure showed automation! Post script to that story: Automation ended up a wide-fucking-spread trend nonetheless.
(Truth is, if you’re any good at brushing your own teeth under raw humanpower, you’re probably using technological enhancements already, in the form of a timekeeping implement. Kudos to you if you mark two minutes by singing the Lovin’ Spoonful’s “Did You Ever Have To Make Up Your Mind” to yourself every morning and night. But we bet you set a timer on your phone, or look at your watch instead.)
The machines have risen, dude. Here’s a nifty, futuristical sonic toothbrush with a dope UV self-sanitizing feature. It vibrates at 40,000 sonic strokes per minute, and it’s ready to simplify your life and improve your dental upkeep by taking over your toothbrushing chores. All it asks from you is the humility to accept its help. Don’t look at it like the steam hammer, set to emasculate and unemploy you. Look at it like a friendly T-800, holding out a beckoning hand and saying, in its lilt-less Austrian-American inflection: “Come with me if you want to have healthy teeth and gums.”
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