Pacific Pearls 5-in-1 Gemstone & Pearl Lariat
- A “lariat” that can be used as a necklace or bracelet, or to lasso a very small steer
- 5-in-1 because it can be worn “as a double strand, twisted and secured with the clasp to become a choker, wrapped around your wrist, as an opera length necklace, and a casual tie-knot” though why stop there? Wear it as a fancy belt! Make it into a stunning wallet chain! The options are only as limited as your imagination.
- Strung with your choice of semi-precious stones (around 300 of 'em) and a dozen freshwater pearls nestled in between
- Includes certificate that values it at $250 (for insurance purposes and making yourself feel fancy)
- 40" long and strung with fine white silk – ooooOOooo
- Model: TRE441M, TRE312M, TRE519M, TRE979M, TRE675M (Like all Pacific Pearl model numbers, these make us wonder what happened to the hundreds of model numbers that fell between the gaps. Were they created but never saw the light of day? Are they in captivity somewhere in Pacific Pearl HQ?)
My Semi-Precioussss
The jewelry world is rife with exaggeration, hyperbole, and puffed-up language of the worst kind. Gems are never “beautiful,” they’re always “spectacular.” Details are never “fine,” they’re always “extraordinary.” You’d think, given the promotional copy, that every piece of jewelry sold online makes the Crown Jewels look like thrift store costumery.
Yet, amidst this barrage of superlatives, the phrase “semi-precious” provides a surprising respite. These Pacific Pearls lariats (yee-haw!) feature pearls strung together with semi-precious stones like coral, lapis lazuli, pink tourmaline, and periodot. “Semi-precious" sounds so unassuming in this context. But, of course, that’s exactly what they are.
Lapis Lazuli doesn’t compare to rubies and emeralds in terms of value, but it’s not any old rock. It’s neither precious nor worthless — it’s semi-precious. But describing products exactly as they are runs so counter to the core philosophy of jewelry copywriting, one wonders how this straightforward phrase slipped through.
Maybe it has been grandfathered into the jewelry lexicon from a previous age of wordsmithing. We’re so accustomed in 2017 to hearing how “essential,” “perfect,” and [shudder] “awesome” every product is, that it’s easy to forget how absurd these claims are. When “everything is awesome” then nothing, of course, is actually awesome. There was a (brief) time when the job of marketing was to highlight the aspects of a product or service that made it stand out, not to treat every feature like a miracle.
Try this exercise: Go shopping online and look for a product description that in any way tempers expectations, however indirectly. Can you find a speaker that offers anything but “heart-thumping” bass? A computer whose processor is anything but “lightning fast”? Or a piece of clothing that isn’t “fashion forward”? We see so much of this boilerplate nonsense it usually washes over us — but try to really notice.
If you find a product with any degree of humility, post it in the comments. And citing the semi-precious stones on this Pacific Pearls set doesn’t count 
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