Meh Shirt
- Check it out, we’re printing these shirts our own selves
- Finally, right?
- So we’re able to offer it on 8 different shirt colors
- Not at the same time, though, just one shirt color per shirt
- Also, this the end of the Meh-rathon
- Or … is it??
- It is
Letters from the Mehditor
We hired a freelancer to write the entire Meh-rathon. But out of spite or laziness or or insanity he just wrote letters to random companies and people. Meh regrets the error.
TO: marketing@monster.com
SUBJ: Blog idea
Hello Monster,
I am attempting to be a freelance writer and found your website and would like to pitch a blog article to you. I also just wanted to say I think calling yourselves monsters might confuse people because they don’t look for monsters when they want a job but that’s part of my brand-consultancy package and it costs extra.
Any way the article would be tips for people to get jobs since everyone can use help and the marketplace is tight and I’ve gotten fired from many many jobs so I have a lot of experience doing both entrance and exit interviews. Anyway here is a sampling of my tips to nail your next interview:
Wear a colorful, distracting tie. Bonus points if it’s motorized and will twirl or spin or randomly lash out like a cobra.
Do not make eye contact with the interviewer at any time. They see it as threatening their status.
Never smile. The entire purpose of the interview is for them to make you happy and get you to accept the job. Make them earn it.
Mention that you have a big trip coming up. That makes you seem important. If they ask for details like when or where, just wink at them and say “Oh it’s BIG.”
It seems easy but lots of people forget this one: don’t end the interview until you’ve slammed your fist on the table and loudly asked, “BUT WHAT’S IN IT FOR ME?”
Remember to talk about how you’re super excited because ever since you were a kid you’ve dreamed of making labels for energy drink tablets or whatever the job is. Everyone knows this is a lie but it’s one of those vestigial “rule of order” things that persists.
If asked where you see yourself in any amount of time into the future, plead the fifth.
That’s my blog so now you have to pay me. Nothing personal Monster, this is just how the cutthroat world of freelance blogging works nowadays.
That’ll be $25,
Meh
