End of an Error

For generations now (approximately), Americans have thrilled to our world-famous fuku bags. We’ve brought tears of joy, tears of rage, and tears of boredom to your eyes. We have teased you, taunted you, ravished you with exquisite temptation, awakening sensations you never knew you could feel. That all ends today.

Because from now on, we’re not calling this a fukubukuro, a lucky bag. We’re calling it a fukobukuro, an unlucky bag, like we did last April Fool’s Day, and like we will for all future bags. We only called it a fukubukuro because there was already a Wikipedia page for it. Because really, what’s lucky about paying money for a bunch of random crap? Even though at least one recipient this time will receive…

(drum roll please…)

a BRAND…

NEW…

(whew, that captcha was a tough one, huh?)…

ITEM OR OBJECT OF DUBIOUS VALUE! Possibly broken. But not as broken as our hearts to announce that our founder and CEO @Snapster has left to spend time with his family.

Just like he does at the end of every work day. Especially long, grueling days of negotiation and brinksmanship, bluffs and ultimatums. And he won’t be back until tomorrow morning at the usual time. Just in time for to announce the deal he’s been working on so feverishly: a major agreement with Amazon.

That’s right. We’re taking the plunge and buying one of those Dash buttons to supply Slim Jims for the office. The way we go through those things around here, it only made sense. You know what else makes sense? The fact that we’d hide a secret way down here about how to get a fuko bag for yourself.

And, since you solved all these irritating captchas so we know you’re not a bot, we can reveal that the secret is:

Be one of the very first people to order.

All your hard work of clicking through these aggravating captchas has paid off! Enjoy your terribly unlucky fuko! But first, make sure you answer our very important poll below.