Take this router and STFU.

Hello?

“Hey, man! What it do, nephew? Ha ha, I got that from that Parks and Recreations, you ever seen that show?”

oh great, here we go Hi, Jim. Yeah, it’s a good show.

“Ha ha! Well, listen, buddy, I was hanging out with your uncle and he said I should give you a call, said you might be able to help me out with something, buddy.”

sigh… I knew it… Yeah, Jim. I thought that might be what you were calling about.

“Yeah, so I’m hitting the blue e and I’m getting nothing.”

drugs? is he tripping on drugs? is my uncle’s best friend calling me about drugs? why would he think I know anything about drugs? What do you mean?

“On the computer. The little blue e. You know computers, right? The e button.”

the e button? You mean the letter e, on the keyboard? You’re trying to type an e?

“No, the e button that brings up the newspaper and my YouTube and that. The round blue e. On the screen.”

internet explorer, of course, probably, like, ie 5 or something Oh, well, what does it say when you do that?

“Something about limited connectivity. Which doesn’t make any sense because the computer’s plugged in, I’m looking right at the cord plugged into the power strip. You think you might be able to-”

oh no here it comes

“-come over and take a look at it? I just thought, since you know computers.”

not a chance in hell, sorry Sorry, I’m really busy. But it sounds like you might need a new router. I’ve got one here you can have.

“You got what now?”

A router. It’s your, you know, WiFi box. It’s a D-Link AC600. Latest technology, high speed AC wireless networking, all that.

“Oh, is that really something that I can handle? Maybe if you came over -”

No, you don’t need me coming over there to help. Again. It’s super simple to set up. Just follow the instructions. I’m sure even you can handle it. I’m going by Grandma’s tonight, I’ll leave it there.

“Well, thanks, but-”

No need to thank me. It was really cheap. And maybe this one will work and you can handle your own networking IT needs instead of calling me.

“OK, well, I’ll give that a shot. I can install a new WiFI box, I bet. I ever tell you how I installed my own hot tub?”

yes, a million times, ugh Yes, a million times, haha! So I’m sure you can handle this one.

“Cool, appreciate it, buddy. Listen, something else I wanted to ask you about. I been having problems with my toaster.”

Just turn it off and on again, Jim. Works every time.

“Oh, OK. Thanks. Talk to you later.”

click