This Is A Knife

Today’s full-tang boot knife is a CRKT, but it might as well be called a KISS, because hoo boy does it keep it simple, stupid. The Amazon reviews of this Synergist knife and sheath are hecka glowing, and what else would you expect? What could possibly go wrong with this knife? How could anyone write “It didn’t work as I expected,” or “Disappointing,” or “I wanted to like this, but…” about such a fundamentally simple, sound cutting instrument?In fact, there isn’t a single one- or two-star review on Amazon (albeit a small sample). And even the simplest, most fool-proof products are susceptible to negative online reviews. Don’t believe us? Let’s peruse some 2-star reviews (those rare beasts) of the simplest products imaginable. What, for example, could anyone find wanting in this 4-pound canister of sugar?. Well, Rue8309 ruefully laments: *Domino sugar is superb. The plastic canister is good to have. I can’t believe I paid $9.00 for this.*While user wideopenseas excoriates this Officemate 100-pack of push pins with the helpful consumer report: Not the highest quality push pinsAnd Jim H. says of his purchase of manila folders: *Not like the others I use to get, and these seem cheap. Do not like them. thanks!*You’re welcome, Jim have been reviewed by over 4,000 individuals (enough to populate an incredibly boring small town), 142 of whom damned (darned?) it with a 2-star review, including user ss: *…Also, the “gold toe” doesn’t line up to fit your toes like it used to 10 years ago.*And finally, good old salt-of-the-earth Linda in Ohio writes of these kitchen matches (with the surprisingly self-aware review title “Review of matches?”): *The only reason I’m reviewing these matches is because of how hard it was to find matches for purchase since the smoking ban went into effect in my state. You can find cigarette lighters everywhere…but matches? I need matches to light my candles!!! These matches are nothing special, but they are available.*That’s right, she is reviewing these matches based on the difficulty of finding matches in general due to smoking bans. So even this knife, this model of simplicity, is likely to fall prey to a rogue reviewer in time.