Conair 5-Setting Massaging Handheld Shower
- Five settings, from the familiar Full Body Spray to the exotic Dual Jet Massage Spray
- 5’ tangle-free metallic hose doubles as a futuristic whip
- 2.5 gallons per minute water flow, for when you’ve worked up a powerful thirst
- It’s none of our business what you’ve been doing all this time without a shower
- Model: PO5201SR
Which shower setting are you? (#4 blew our minds!)
There are five kinds of people in this world: Full Body Spray, Light Spray, Dual Jet Massage Spray, Aeration, and Pause. Coincidentally, those correspond exactly to the five settings on the Pollenex Handheld Shower! It’s not only a convenient way to add a shower to an olde-tyme bathtub, it divides humanity into perfect and immutable castes, like some kind of Brave New World supercomputer! Take this quiz and find out which class you belong to!
How do you chew your food?
- Steadily with even, firm bites
- Steadily with weak, uncertain bites
- With a lot of time between bites
- With thousands of tiny, barely perceptible bites
- You don’t
Who is your favorite original member of Van Halen?
- David Lee “Full Body Spray” Roth
- Eddie “Light Spray” Van Halen
- Michael “Dual Jet Massage Spray” Anthony
- Alex “Aeration” Van Halen
- None
A co-worker recently lost some paid vacation time after your supervisor did not approve any leave because your department was “too busy”. You learn that this co-worker is stealing from the company, and methodically falsifying evidence so your supervisor will be convicted of embezzlement. What do you do?
- Take a long, steady shower and think it over
- Lightly suggest to your co-worker that she reconsider
- Take the pulse of the rest of the office to see how they feel about it
- Pop open a bottle of champagne in celebration of your supervisor’s imminent downfall
- Nothing
How are you on first dates?
- Smooth and strong
- Easygoing and low-pressure
- Come on strong one second, back off the next
- Barely there
- No
If you mostly answered…
1: You’re Full Body Spray! Reliable and popular, you could also use a little more variety in life!
2: You’re Light Shower! It’s nice that you don’t want to be too pushy, but don’t be afraid to assert yourself!
3: You’re Dual Jet Massage Spray! Your key to happiness is finding others who enjoy the wild extremes, the sudden highs and lows in life!
4: You’re Aeration! You combine the elements in a primordial hybrid of eternal forces, none the less majestic for its subtlety!
5: You’re Pause! What are you waiting for? Life is passing you by while you just sit there! On the upside, you’re not afraid of death because when it comes, you won’t even be able tell the difference!
