Pick 4: Angry Mills Protein-Infused Caffeinated Nut Spreads

Yes, it’s caffeinated, protein-powder infused nut spreads.
No it’s not straight up nut butter.
Yes, it should be called, “I Can’t Believe It’s Not Nut Butter.”
No, you shouldn’t eat a whole jar at once, because it contains roughly 400mg of caffeine.
Yes, you build your own 4 pack for $20. Flavors include: Chocolate Chaos Almond Spread; Chocolate Craze Peanut Spread; Honey Grim Peanut Spread; Killer Caramel Peanut Spread; and Wicked White Chocolate Peanut Spread.
No, we really don’t understand what’s going on here either.
Model: yes, there very well might be model numbers.

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Nut Butter Not

We’ll start with the basics: this is NOT nut butter. It is a peanut-based (or in one instance almond-based) nut spread. Which is not necessarily a helpful way to put it, because, well, what’s also a peanut-based nut spread is nut butter, which this isn’t.

Really, there’s some serious Charlie_explaining_Pepe_Silvia.jpg potential here, so let’s just put it as simply as possible: This isn’t nut butter because it’s more than nut butter. It has stuff in it that nut butter doesn’t have, namely caffeine and protein powder. So, if you’re looking to make a simple PB&J, don’t reach for the Angry Mills.

But if your early morning lifting session goes long, and you have to leave for work early so you can stop for gas because you forgot to fuel up your Durango on the way home from last night’s grueling session on the climbing wall with Brett and Mia, thus leaving only time enough to do one of the following:

A) make a protein recovery shake;
B) brew yourself a cup of coffee; or
C) make yourself a sandwich for lunch

…then maybe choose option C and grab that Angry Mills; it might just satisfy ALL your needs!

Anyway, now that we’ve covered the what and the why, let’s get to the how. As in, how are we selling this. That part is pretty simple. For $20, you get to build your own 4-pack from the following flavor choices: Chocolate Chaos Almond Spread; Chocolate Craze Peanut Spread; Honey Grim Peanut Spread; Killer Caramel Peanut Spread; and Wicked White Chocolate Peanut Spread. Get four different flavors, or get a couple each of the two kinds you want the most, or get four of the same flavor, or… whatever. The choice is yours.

(And yes: we are DYING to make some sort of 4-for-20/four-twenty munchies joke about selling 4 jars of sweet nut spread for $20. But FYI, while each serving size only has about 40mg of caffeine, a little more than half as much as there is in an ounce of espresso, the entire jar has something like 400mg. So if you’re experiencing an herbal-induced hunger, maybe find something else to snack on to avoid getting dangerously jittery.)

Pick 4: Angry Mills Protein-Infused Caffeinated Nut Spreads

Nut Butter Not

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