Power Binks?

Phone battery dead?!?

We’re here to help.

BUT ONLY A LITTLE.

It’s the only way you’ll learn.

Sure, we could sell you a big, juicy power bank that’s capable of recharging your flagship iPhone for over 40 uninterrupted hours of video playback. (Weird that phone companies are always flexing video playback when they advertise how great their battery life is. Knowing that your phone can theoretically play the complete Godfather trilogy in HD without interruption is minimal comfort when what you really needed to do is send somebody a couple of text messages as you get a Low Power Mode warning at the grocery store.)

Anyway, yes, we could sell you a beefy power bank like that—and often do—but today it’s kind of sinking in that deals like that only enable the most self-destructive instincts of our nature. Honestly, we were tempted to not go anywhere near a power bank deal ever again, instead letting everyone figure out how to get through the day on their own without bottomless access to mindless tap-and-wait mobile games, algorithmic doomscrolling, and/or AI-generated videos of anthropomorphic cats who accidentally cook their kids sometimes while talking on the phone. (Yes, the last thing is a genre. Don’t explore it.)

Except as much as we love the “sink or swim” recklessness of letting everyone fend for themselves and allowing the battery levels to land where they may, we also genuinely don’t want you to end up stranded by the side of the road or something because we just had to make a moral judgement about how you’d have battery life left to call that tow truck if only you hadn’t Candy Crushed so hard during that two hour mandatory training meeting from HR.

And so…power banks. But barely. Power binks, if you will.

They won’t charge your phone to 100 percent. They won’t keep you going all day if you forget to plug the thing in the night before. They might not even let you get through the first “Godfather,” much less any of the rest of them. (Not sure, haven’t checked.)

What they WILL do, is keep you from going completely dead in a pinch, providing not only 2,500 mAh in a slim form factor that you keep in your wallet or someplace, but they even have an integrated cable, saving you from having to solve that problem on top of the rest. It’s the digital equivalent of an extra gallon of gas when your car runs out. It isn’t going to get you back home, necessarily, but it is going to get you out of a tight spot so that you can sort yourself out properly.

Of course…we are going to send you eight of these, so it’s kind of like riding around with EIGHT gas cans in the back of the car, which legitimately might actually get you all the way home, even though that’s a fairly degenerate way to go about things.

So yeah.

Please use these responsibly. If we find out that you’re chain-smoking your way through all eight of them while you metaphorically inject TikTok shorts and clickbait news directly into your veins, we’re going to seriously rethink the impact that Meh is having out there in the world.

You get the idea. Please enjoy responsibly.