If you ain’t first…

Hydrox brand creme-filled chocolate sandwich cookies are better than Oreo brand creme-filled chocolate sandwich cookies.

There we said it.

The real tragedy is that Hydrox will go down in history as knock-off Oreos when in fact they beat Nabisco to the punch by a full four years, approximately the same amount of time it would take to get a degree in marketing with an emphasis on intellectual property law.

Also, we’re pretty sure ya’ll are the type of people who already knew this, but if we’re blowing any minds with that information, we’ll call it a bonus. You know…like a bonus four grams of protein in today’s knock-off-Oreos-that’re-actually-knock-off-Hydrox-cookies.

All of these layers of knock-off-ishness make us long for simpler times, maybe spread out on the carpet playing with our favorite Lego bricks. You’re probably thinking of the genuine Lego products right now, not the second-rate Mega Blocks or other suspicious imitators. But hold that praise, because Lego clearly ripped of a company called Kiddicraft who were doing the damn thing first and maybe BEST!! (Okay, not best. Lego is pretty dope, but still.)

Either way, the only thing that’s harder to find than a flat grey L-shaped Lego brick when you’re trying to build your castle is the downside in today’s vegan-friendly-super-double-reverse-knock-off sandwich cookie.

Plus, these are low sugar and keto-friendly, making them a much more guiltless treat than something like a helping of “Country Squares” toaster pastries, which the breakfast company Post unveiled six months before they planned to bring them to market, leaving exactly enough time for Kellogg’s to brainstorm a way better name before dropping Pop-Tarts on the market and leaving Post bleeding in the street, innovationally-speaking.

So yeah. Maybe there’s no need to be a sticker about the genuine article, because everyone is a fraud and everything you love is a lie. Hell, we looked into it and found that even you yourself are just a ham-fisted mashup of DNA from each of your parents. This makes you about as unique and special as a Barbie doll—especially if you ask the German creators of “Bild Lilli,” the sexy 1950s doll who would eventually go down in history only for an adult-oriented comic strip and for losing patent lawsuits to Mattel in the U.S.

But you know what’s better than losing patent lawsuits? Losing some of those pesky cookie calories in your daily snacking intake. That’s probably why these 90-calories-per-serving secret-ironic-double-reverse-knock-off treats are so hard to beat.

They’re tasty, guiltless, and apparently pretty good at pushing back against Nabisco’s lawyers, who are known to sleep upside down like bats and come after any contenders who dare to attempt out-knock-offing the knock-off-ers.

These’ll taste great and make you feel great, too. You’ll have as much energy as an anthropomorphic pink rabbit with a battery in its back.

You know…

…like Duracell had a decade before the Energizer Bunny was rolled out.

This is why we have trust issues.

But it’s like the old adage goes:

You don’t have to be the first daily deal internet website with a nonsensical name. As long as you’re the best.