48-Pack: NEOH Low Carb Protein Candy Bars
- Candy bars, with protein.
- They’re not really candy bars, though. Because of the protein.
- Except they’re totally candy bars. (With protein.)
- Can they make a margarita? They can argue that a margarita counts as a serving of fruit…
Get Real
We’re not going to make this into a whole thing about how these aren’t just candy bars but that they’re in fact low carb, high protein SPORT AND NUTRITION bars or whatever. That’s because…
…wait for it…
…they’re candy bars.
You know what else is a candy bar?
Basically all protein bars.
If it’s shaped like a Snickers, it probably ain’t that great for you.
Your post-workout bar and your pre-workout bar and your mid-workout energy boost bar? Candy bars. The granola bars you take when you hike (you hippie)? Candy bars.
They’re all basically equal parts calories, chocolate, and marketing. The main idea seems to be to convince responsible adults who would never be caught in public with a Twix to chow down on something like this in the name of good health.
But don’t think we’re just out here picking on protein bars, because that Tuesday night casserole of yours is basically a deconstructed pile of Hamburger Helper and your Starbucks order could probably be classified as a caffeinated milkshake under international law.
Everything is garbage and nonsense, is what we’re saying. If it didn’t grow directly out of the ground, fall off a tree, or at one point have a face, chances are that it’s junk.
Have we talked you out of this yet?
Hope not. Because these candy bars—and they are candy bars—are actually quite good. The taste is excellent and the calories aren’t crazy and they do have a bit of protein. It doesn’t have crazy protein, like the 22 grams you can get from a McDonald’s McDouble from the dollar menu, but it’s got a good bit. (Yes, the McDouble is the ideal balance of cost, nutritional value, and compatibility with double-fisting on the elliptical. Follow us for more frugal training tips.)
So whether you’re reading this on the MacBook Pro you insisted was necessary to manage your email and web browsing or you’ve convinced yourself that sitting in front of a split screen video of two people yelling at each other is watching the news, then these are the nutritionally dense prepackaged identity crisis for you.
And if you’re more the see-through-the-nonsense type (who still appreciates a good deal), well…delicious candy bars—48 of them!
-
48-Pack: NEOH Low Carb Protein Candy Bars 44
-
You Were Wrong (with captions) 0
-
You’re about to run a 5k and need to pick one of the following pre-race fuels. Which do you go for? (Support your answer in the comments.) 26
-
Overqualified 1 -
How do I post a picture? 89 -
Tesla Owners: Try not to run into a guardrail! 2 -
New year, new goat! (January 2025 goat nominations) 4 -
I thought it was a toilet paper holder. 3