Focus, People, FOCUS!

One difficult part of being a copywriter? When you’re assigned a product you yourself don’t need.

Take this More Labs Liquid Focus for example. It’s got a respectable 150mg of caffeine to wake you up, some adaptogens to fight fatigue, and a formula that ensures no jitters and no crash. Plus, it’ll help you focus! Which isn’t something I need. Because I have great focus. And actually, I once had a great Focus. Like, the car made by Ford. It was the ZX3, the hatchback, a 2001 I think, electric blue.

We’d gotten it used, and the previous owner had outfitted it with a body kit, rims, and a spoiler. Not anything I would’ve done myself, but being a college kid at the time, I thought it looked pretty cool. Then, one morning, the woman working the Dunkin Donuts drive-thru asked about the engine when I pulled up to the window. I admitted that, actually, it was was factory, and that all the improvements were merely cosmetic. She considered this a moment before saying, “Hmmm, I see. All show and no go.” I consider that one of the more emasculating moments of my life.

Wait, what are we talking about again? Right. This focus drink.

How does it help you focus, you ask? Well, via a blend of nootropics, which, according to Wikipedia, are, “natural, semisynthetic or synthetic molecules which purportedly improve cognitive functions, such as executive functions, attention or memory.” I can’t speak to their viability, though, because, again, I don’t need help focusing. No nootropics for me, thank you! And no new tropics, either. Although, with the way the environment is going, we might be getting some, amirite? Not that I can speak to that much. I’m no scientist. Never did very well in the subject in school. Not great with math either.

What’s funny is I went to a weird little liberal arts college where you could design your own curriculum. That was going to be it for my time studying math and science, I thought. Then, my first semester, a lot of the classes I wanted to take filled up before I could register, so I ended up in calculus. I thought I would certainly fail, but the professor was great. He really wanted to help people learn. I ended up passing and taking several more math classes of my own volition. How about that?

And how about these flood lights we’re selling!

Or, actually, that was yesterday. What do we have today again? Oh, yeah: this focus drink. Not something I need due to my excellent level of focus (not sure if I mentioned that), but maybe you’ll benefit!