Monstrous Hits: Songs About Terrifying Creatures

Hey, Meh contributor @JasonToon here. Monsters are not generally known for their neatness. No matter how good your audio cables are, the brand name “Monster” doesn’t make me think your cleaning spray is going to be particularly effective at cleaning things. It does make me think, hey, I should do a weekend playlist of monster songs, because Godzilla knows there are plenty to choose from.

That kind of musical respect makes sense because monsters are the only creatures who can out-rock-star rock stars. You think you’re a badass because you trashed a hotel room? Try laying waste to Japan’s entire industrial infrastructure. Oh, you’re hot shit because all those fans scream for you? Dracula laughs at your puny decibel level. Here are a dozen aural salutes to monsters, also compiled in a YouTube playlist so the thrills keep on chilling.

Blue Öyster Cult - “Godzilla” (1977)
BÖC leaves no doubt where their monstrous sympathies lie. Forget the whole “tragic spawn of technological hubris” bit, they’re outright cheering the rampage on: “there goes Tokyo / go, go, Godzilla”.

Dave Edmunds - “The Creature from the Black Lagoon” (1979)
C’mon, fellas: who among us hasn’t felt like the misunderstood last survivor of a lost race of amphibious humanoids, hated and hunted when all we really needed was a hug from a nice girl? Dave Edmunds gets it.

Shelley Stuart & the Five Stars - “Vampire Husband” (1972)
“You promised to never hurt a hair on my head / but you are strictly, strictly from the dead.” Someone named Bernadette Barnett sent these lyrics in response to a magazine ad for Sterling Records, one of those now-lost outfits that wrung money from clueless songwriting hopefuls like Bernadette. “Label” boss Lew Tobin threw together an arrangement with his studio hands, put his wife Shelley Stuart in front of the mic, and a song-poem classic was born.

Groovie Ghoulies - “She’s My Vampire Girl” (1999)
The Ghoulies, on the other hand, sound much more chill about human-vampire relationships. You’ve come a long way, vampy.

Yuji Koseki - “Mothra’s Song” (1961)
I can’t find a translation for the theme song to Mothra’s eponymous debut film, but I have a vague notion it’s something about being the tragic spawn of technological hubris.

Big “T” Tyler - “King Kong” (1957)
This gutbucket rock 'n ’ roll wailer actually sounds like the kind of music King Kong might have made, if he’d grown up in smalltown Georgia instead of on Skull Island.

Edgar Winter Group - “Frankenstein” (1973)
This is the only context in which I would ever choose the Edgar Winter Group over the New York Dolls. They both have songs called “Frankenstein”, but the Dolls’ one is six minutes long, while Edgar’s instrumental has a 45 edit that fits more comfortably into this playlist. Enjoy this rare victory while you can, EWG.

Sloppy Seconds - “The Horror of Party Beach” (1989)
The dedicated trashophiles in Sloppy Seconds stay faithful to the plotline of the 1964 psychotronic Z-movie of the same name, where foolish humans “haul that toxic waste offshore / gonna dump it overboard”. Next thing you know, the kids on the beach “can’t sing / can’t dance / can’t surf / 'cause monsters walk the Earth.” It only ends when the kids “blow 'em up with sodium”. Ironically, this loving tribute makes seeing the original unnecessary. The song covers all the key points of the movie right down to the sodium, in less than two toe-tapping minutes - why sit through the movie now?

Christine Pilzer - “Dracula” (1966)
The title and mood are in keeping with the playlist. As for the lyrics, if you speak French, tell me what they say!

Misfits - “I Turned Into a Martian” (1982)
Punk blasphemy: the Misfits in no way deserve their place in pantheon of punk gods - they were brilliant at marketing, not so much at music. One of the dozen or so exceptions is this irresistibly catchy tale of interplanetary possession. If only more of their songs were this good.

Warren Zevon - “Werewolves of London” (1978)
OK, I left out “Monster Mash” and “Thriller” and “Purple People-Eater”, but you have to give me at least one obvious one on this playlist. This is the song that briefly made 13-year-old me think Tom Cruise was cool.

Mediocre - “Song for KONG: SKULL ISLAND” (2017)
A great song tells you a truth that you didn’t know you knew. Here, our resident ukulele dipshit reveals that it’s a bad idea to go to an island full of murderous megafauna. Sure, it sounds obvious now.

As I said, there are plenty more tunes featuring creatures, so terrify us with your favorites in the forum. Until next time, don’t go dumping any toxic waste into the ocean…

You’re safe now with these past weekend playlists… OR ARE YOU?:

• Lesser-Heard Scores by Movie Music Giants
• Gabba Gabba Huh?: Underrated Ramones
• Half-Hour Energy: An Action Video Soundtrack
• Rock of Myth: Songs of Ancient Legends
• Weekend playlist archive