3-Pack: Monster Cleantouch Spray for Portable Devices
- Three kits, each with 1.5 ounces of cleaning liquid, one microfiber cloth, and one antimicrobial cloth
- If you can’t read this, you need this
- Not a monster-repelling spray, however excited you were upon reading the title
- You’re thinking too hard about whether to buy a $6 product
- Label says “for iPad,” which is like saying Windex is “for your large bathroom mirror”
- Model: AI CLNTCH-S EFS (When a future Edward Gibbon pens The Decline And Fall Of The American Empire, he will point to this decadent model number as the precipitating cause)
Smudge Ado
You wouldn’t spend hundreds of dollars on a fancy new TV and immediately smear the screen in Vaseline. So why did you spend a fortune on your smartphone’s ultra-HD display only to leave it smudged in your own finger greases?
This 3-pack of Monster Cleantouch Spray might be one of the most boring products we’ve ever sold. The word “Monster” in the title is probably its most exciting feature. But it keeps your screen functioning at the level of performance you paid for. It’s like a lint roller for your fancy suit. It does the job.
It doesn’t even do that job with any particular pizazz. The cleaning liquid is fairly basic. Ditto the included screen-wiping cloths. But it does come in a conveniently pocketable spray bottle that you might pay more than $2 apiece for on Amazon. Again, not sexy, nor even mildly erotic.
Not convinced by our tepid endorsement? Try this exercise to determine whether your phone could benefit from regular removal of finger sebum: Look at it. How’s it doing? Does it look the same as the day you bought it, or like a well-backlit fingerprint-reading machine?
(a) How much better would you feel if those layers of grease were stripped away? (b) How much worse if your bank account was $6 lower? If (a) > (b) then, well, buy them. In fact, depending on how much your time is worth, you’ve probably already wasted more money weighing this purchase decision than the thing is worth.
You could always store your phone in the garage like a car that’s too fancy to drive. Try this exercise: Do that for a day.
