Hold on to your butts...baby on the horizon.
33
You crazy Mehricans are essentially an online family of sorts for me and thus I figured I would share the news that I'm gonna be a DAD. My wife and I are expecting our first child, a baby girl, in the beginning of May this year. Yes, just a brief 9 weeks away! Life's responsibility meter is about to double from my current state and I couldn't be more excited.
With this news, comes a significant amount of "unknowns" and for as much as I like to take things head on, sometimes it's also good to take in some advice.
What say you, citizens of Meh, do you have any good advice for a new dad?! Also, can we get some more baby related stuff on Meh? I could really use bulk supplies! The wife already axed my idea of trying to have an online baby shower.
- 39 comments, 26 replies
- Comment
@studerc Congratulations!!! I think Irk would make a wonderful girl's name. Just saying……
@bluedog I tried for Irka. I was able to get 2 year old son on board for naming his sister Irka (he loves Irk), however wife has not been as easy to convince. perhaps I will try again once the epidural takes effect..
@MrMark
That's wonderful news! My advice is to cherish every moment, even the frustrating times, because they really do go by in the blink of an eye.
Congratulations!! Buy lots of pacifiers and a diaper genie! :)
In random order because the 7 month old is deciding to test out his lungs this evening ...
I second @jsh139 's idea for a diaper genie. I initially thought they were stupid, but ... it is a godsend. Also, you can use the Target refills and save mucho $$$.
Amazon Mom is a good service (even if you are a dad, the world is tilted towards mothers (for good reason)). You can subscribe and save and save 15% on diapers always - which is nice (they are cheaper per unit than Sam's.)
Try out a few different wipes. We initially used Huggies, but Mrs. Oppo doesn't like them. Then we switched to Pampers, and I don't prefer them, but I know when to pick my battles. Still going to use the Huggies for daycare.
Same with diapers. There is a saying amongst the peoples that one brand is better for girls and one for boys. I dunno. We use Pampers swaddlers. They rock. Although Deadspin says no one cares for the first few months. They may be right. I don't know. I
Speaking of daycare, get on a daycare list now if you are going to be needing those services. The good ones fill up way too fast.
When they say sleep when the baby sleeps - do it. Seriously. The dishes can wait. You will not sleep for weeks on end and you will question your own sanity.
Also - accept all help you can. No matter how horrible the help is. Better not to burn bridges now. You may want to kill your in-laws, parents, family, etc., but it's just not worth the time in court (no jury is going to go against a new father).
And lastly, get used to everyone telling you that you are doing everything wrong and that when they had their kids it was a certain way. Just accept it. It's going to happen. Numerous times a day.
Congrats on this exciting step. it's been the best 7 months so far of my life - even if I haven't slept more than 4 hours in a row in ... who knows when.
@oppodude Did you know it's called Amazon Family in the rest of the world? My family swears by Costco baby wipes, and we use it for everything.
@oppodude I used cloth diapers. Yes, the old fashioned kind. They are better for the environment and if cleaned properly the baby. My sister-in-law had to use them. Her kids, both of them, were violently allergic to every disposable on the market. Make some choice and stick with them. Read to her even when she's tiny. Good luck
@Odi Alas, my nearest Costco is an hour away ... so we are a Sam's family. (sigh)
@Cerridwyn With our first, we used disposable for the meconium and then switched to cloth (prefold vs just an old fashioned flat). With the second, we used a diaper service during the early stages with meconium, but we were so glad to switch to our own because holding the diapers around for a week for pickup was getting too stinky. Solves the need for a diaper genie too since you wash them so often.
@oppodude I feel so bad, you're not getting sleep yet? The Diaper Genie seems to be a big thing for a lot of parrents... We went with a cheap diaper pail with lid, and use the bags that have the odor block. Plus I put a little baking soda in the bag, and we use poop bags for the stinky diapers. Just plastic bags from grocery shopping or dog poop bags... Either works. One is free but runs out eventually. Try all kinds of diapers and wipes. I'm really digging the Amazon wipes, they seem to be a nicer texture and are about the same price as the costoco ones. We have a wonderful little boy (who helped wake me up for Meh for the first month.. and how I got my first Fukubukuro. I was really hoping for diapers in it...) Sleep when the baby sleeps is important... in the first few months, you may have to wake the baby to feed... I know they say don't wake a sleeping baby, but if your baby starts losing weight cause she likes to sleep it's not good. Security camera works great as a baby camera. However we also got an audio monitor as sometimes he doesn't get picked up by the audio. DO or don't show your kid Irk... My son loves him... Sometimes playing the 404 error is the only way we can calm him down. Everyone will tell you different things, and you have to pick and choose what works best for you and your baby. No 2 are the same.
@sohmageek Oh I am finally sleeping. He has decided now is a good time to start sleeping through the night. I need to try the Amazon wipes. :)
@oppodude I get my plastic bags for poop (cat litter) on Amazon. 1000 for $24. http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00HEZQ42W/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o07_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1
@oppodude Costco online - baby wipes http://www.costco.com/CatalogSearch?storeId=10301&catalogId=10701&langId=-1&refine=&keyword=baby+wipes
@lisaviolet Muchas gracias. We are going through one refill every 2 weeks or so. It ain't too shabby.
My first suggestion: catch up on sleep now. Want to watch that movie? Nah, go to bed early. Stay up late to make that builder in CoC do a new upgrade? Nah, go to bed early. Every new parent has come back to say thanks, now I know what you meant...for the first few months, you likely will not be getting a good solid continuous chunk of sleep.
Rear-face your child for as long as possible. http://thecarseatlady.com/why-ride-rear-facing/ My 4 year old still rear-faces.
It's a bit late for this suggestion, but you still have a few weeks for some of them: do your research now, because you won't be doing it later. Home birth, birthing center, or hospital birth? Crib or co-sleeping? (I had set up a nursery for the first kid, he never slept in his crib and his nursery became storage). Breastfeeding or formula? Cloth or disposable diaper? Attachment or Babywise? Remember none of these are black or white decisions, instead they are a spectrum and you need to decide where you want to be.
Diaper Genie = Sausages of Stink...don't bother...just run them out to the outside trash in a plastic Walmart type bag.
You only need 1 pacifier...you will always know where it is. We bought them in bulk and could only ever find the last one...not a coincidence, it's the human survival mode kicking in.
Thought of a name yet? If not (or even if so), think again. Avoid an odd spelling of a normal name, any name that has been on the Jerry Springer Show and any name shared by a current celebrity. If you want a unique name choose something uncommon, not something made up...don't go with something like "La-A"(pronounced LaDasha) no matter what you or your hormonal wife may be thinking. Take the prospective name and try to use it in a teasing manner, a crude joke, or any other less desirable way that you can. Check the name for prospective nicknames. Go and yell the name out the door for 5 minutes at the top of your lungs. Make sure the name is gender revealing...your baby might not look like a girl all the time so help others out.
@studerc - Try saying your chosen name prefaced by the word 'president'. Does it inspire trust? Would you vote for this person? (You should probably rule out Millard, Chester, and Ulysses before trying this test).
Oh, and wonderful news, congratulations!
@studerc @tightwad offers solid naming advice on avoiding faddish names. Further tips. . .
- consider traditional names with lots of variants so your child can vary it to their personality, like Katherine or Robert.
- Avoid the top ten names this year unless you like anonymity for your child.
- Ponder the name at the top of a resume you are reviewing.
- Having a possibilities list prior to birth is OK, but consider waiting until you see that precious face to select.
- Consider honoring relatives, at least in the middle name. Can form wonderful family bridges.
- Evaluate their initials for undesirable results. (I like my "B.S" initials but some might not!)
@RedOak - Great advice. I gave my son an unusual name (Skylar, very rare in the 70s) In case he didn't like it, I gave him the middle initial 'J' so he could choose his own. He likes Sky now, but he has been Jason, Jedi, Jet, Jalapeño, and Jackalope in the meantime. A cautionary tale? We had fun with it, I think the idea is respectful.
Weighing in on the name thing, personal experience. No fancy name here, pretty run of the mill. The problem is my parents always called me by my middle name. Since all legal stuff is my full name or my first name and middle initial, it's a PITA. I'm not proficient at signing my first name and my signatures show that. My driver's license has my full name to help offset some of the confusion, but there are times when I hear "Patricia?" and don't answer. Then I get "well, who is Patricia?" like I'm trying to pull a fast one.
@lisaviolet Hmm. My name, including middle initial, is very common - top 5/10 common. When I flew I could not do e-check-in. (Either online or at a Kiosk.) Every time. But when I checked in at the counter, it went fine. This was a royal pain. I think it even prevented me from "optimizing" my seat location online, close to the flight date.
Finally I asked our Travel Department what might be causing the problem? They looked at my name and said my name was very surely on the "Do Not Fly" list!?! Huh? Apparently one or more of my namesakes had done something to trigger that status. So we expanded my middle initial to my less common middle name. . . and presto, no more issues with e-check-in.
One very nice feature of a common name in Internet age is virtual privacy. Googling my name results in a random plethora of "me's".
Congrats!
Congrats on the kid!
But as a word of advice, curtail the amount of time you spend giving unsolicited stories and news about your kid in the workplace. It's great that you have a beautiful family, and I am sure they wish you and them well, but the minutia of your children's antics or development are neither interesting nor that special to anyone but you and close family.
Congratulations, I'm really happy for you. Hope you enjoy every minute with the little one.
Congrats!
Resist the urge to bubble-wrap her. When she gets to that walking/falling down phase, let her fall, and don't rush to her aid and/or look panicked (even though you probably will be). Smile and look away. She'll get up, dust herself off, and keep on trucking. Hover over her, and you'll both regret it.
@deichernc The first kid, if they get a paper cut you rush them to emergency. The third kid could juggle the kitchen knives and you won't bat an eye.
First kid, drop the bottle, and go through the entire sterilization process. Third kid, wipe the nipple on your sleeve and give it back.
Oh, and hand wash your dishes. And let them play in the dirt.
congrats, invest in a shotgun because you know how boys are.... I am just going to buy two shotgun shells and toss one at them and say the second one will come a lot faster. lol
no but seriously go buy small packages of newborn diapers tell you find one that fits right and works. because once you do you will go through them quickly. also get. Also check out your area for consignment sales. we get a lot of our kid clothes form there for really cheap.
Darnit, she won't be here in time for the next mehican exchange..You can send her my way anytime you need a nap.. :)
My advice: those commercials about 1st and 2nd baby are sooooo true. You will overthink 1st baby choices, don't drive yourself nuts stressing over it. Do what feels right.
Oh and all those pink onsies are great, but if you are considering a second baby, go with white. If your second baby is a boy, he might not forgive you for the pink shirts...
did you make the house baby arm compatible?
I'm not a parent, but read often to your kid. My parents read often to me from when I was a newborn, and at a young age I developed a love of books and reading. I was actually able to read some myself (I think) by the time I was 4, maybe younger; I know I got a library card before my siblings were born and I was 4 when that happened. I think that had a lot to do with me getting ahead in school at a young age and helped me do well throughout my school years and into my adult life, and I still love to read. Of course, I seem to recall you're a teacher, so you might do that anyway.
@jqubed Haha, my wife teaches K-1 and has boxes of books. Needless to say our daughter will love reading.
@jqubed I was read to when I was young. As a consequence I did learn to read from this; a spontaneous reader, they call us. I was reading everything out loud: traffic signs, billboards, etc. Probably drove the 'rents nuts, but you can't shut the kid down when they are reading! Also, I apparently freaked out the teachers in first grade; I saw all the other kids haltingly read through their first books, and I thought that's the way you are supposed to read them, so I read them out loud the same way. Then I'd pick up one of my books, and speedread through it. Oh, yeah, most spontaneous readers also naturally speedread.
tl:dr read to them.
Congrats! Best of luck to the both of you!
Great for you! Good news!
My advice: ADULT DIAPER WIPES! Baby wipes are about the size of a cocktail napkin. I'd go through about eleven of those darned things changing a messy diaper. I was very happy to invest in the larger size adult wipes from Tena or ProCare. They are about twice the size of a traditional baby wipe and SO much easier to use!
Be sure to teach her how to be a midnight mehniac.. (once she can stay up that late of course).
Sleep train early! Setup a bedtime routine and stick to it.
Crib sheets, light blankets, and Onesies. You can never have too many because poop and pee likes to travel.
Breastfeeding isn't as easy as it looks. Not.At.All.
Swaddling can comfort a fussy baby in almost magical ways. It's like the baby version of those Thundercoats for dogs.
The post-baby weight comes off so much faster if your wife cuts out flour and sugar for a few weeks. Meat, fresh fruit, vegetables, a bit of dairy--good food and good fuel will help the body draw on that extra layer of fat her body has stored to nourish your baby girl before she was born.
Start a college savings account NOW. Not kidding. Now.
"Good Night, Moon." This book has been known to haunt parents in their sleep. Get it anyway. :) Get her lots of books! And building blocks. And old fashioned toys that help her use her imagination and develop her coordination.
Legos are from the devil.
Keep the house noisy during naptime and she'll be able to sleep through anything.
One last bit of advice...if nothing else, know that postpartum depression is a sneaky bastard. Pay attention! Your wife's hormones & emotions are going to be all over the place as her body readjusts and this is completely normal, but if you guys begin to notice the sad/dark feelings are coming more than the happy ones, or if she is beginning to have more than just fleeting intrusive thoughts, get to her doctor ASAP.
Don't let her doctor blow you guys off with "oh, this is normal." YOU know what is normal. Normal is more like that premenstrual funk. Not being able to cope with normal stresses that she usually takes in stride is not. Sit in that office and push for proper care.
You guys are in for the best ride of your lives! Congratulations!!!
@LaVikinga I really appreciate the comment about postpartum. My wife and I have discussed this already, however she also tends to be extremely stubborn when it comes to diagnosis. Hopefully we will be able to take this in stride!
I think a speaker dock in the baby's room is a good idea
I don't know nothin' 'bout birthin' no babies.
Congrats! My advice: Immediately sign her up for a meh account. Take full advantage of multiple Fuku opportunities.
And this: http://www.parents.com/baby/care/newborn/newborn-tips-first-30-days/
Congrats! We just had our first last April!
The best piece of advice I received a couple weeks after he was born is that "being a parent is a sacrifice" -- it's not meant to be easy, and never will be.
Congratulations, Studer! At the end of the year, I will look for you on CoC at 3AM while you are awake rocking your daughter to sleep to the warm blue glow of KILL KILL KILL!
Clash on!
Also, some solid advice here:
My dad sent me this book when my wife was pregnant. You can see more here: http://imgur.com/a/93O8A
1) Some people have staunch opinions about how YOU should care for YOUR child. They should mind their own business, but they frequently don't. Learn to ignore them. This is not as easy as it sounds. Sometimes, these people are blood relatives.
2) "Breast is best", but formula may be the right decision. Sometimes you get to make the decision, sometime nature makes it for you, sometimes medications interfere and don't allow a choice for anyone. Don't let anyone bully you into a choice that isn't right for your baby or your family, and don't let anyone make you feel horrible for your decisions.
3) Make sure that baby gets on your health insurance PRONTO. I cannot stress this enough.
4) Make sure important paperwork is done correctly and preferably BEFORE the birth. Verify when possible. This goes for insurance, disability, leave/vacation, etc. The only thing more frustrating than fighting red-tape when you're exhausted and your attention is rightfully elsewhere - is fighting that same red tape AFTER you find that your account is overdrawn because a piece of paper wasn't handled correctly. (I learned this the hard way.)
5) Since this is your first, make a sign with large font that says, "THIS TOO SHALL PASS", and hang it prominently on the refrigerator. When you're at your wits' end, this is your reminder that, well, this too shall pass. You will have a life again, and sooner than it seems.
6) Scroll back up and reread LaVikinga's paragraph about post-partum depression. Then re-read it again. It may be the most important thing in this thread.
Congrats. I've never had children, so.... meh
Congratulations. I'll miss you. Or see more of you.
Congrats!!! Don't have any of my own and don't want them, but to those who do want kids I say more power to ya. I have learned a few things though as most of my age group is one kids 2 or 3 now, the most important 2 are:
READ EVERY NIGHT - and don't worry a ton about the intended ages. don't read 50 shades to a little kid but Lord of the rings is ok and the classics too. I will always remember my dad reading to me at night and it is a precious memory, (we did Hobbit, Lord of the rings, wizard of oz books, and the little house books too)
YOU ARE THE PARENT, no matter what ANYONE else says you are the mommy and the daddy, this is your child you get to decide how to raise her.
oh also one of my co workers just had her second and she was cooking up a storm in the several weeks before so that she had a lot less to do, GREAT ideal strongly sugested
Just do what comes naturally.
I always give prospective parents 3 pieces of unsolicited advice. Then I shut up.
1. Onesies: what a waste of money. They're going to grow right out of them in a few weeks, right? Buy them. Buy MORE of them. Buy ALL OF THEM! You WILL go through days when you absolutely must change her out of onesies 5+ times in a 24 hour period. I think our record was 8 changes. Of clothes, not just diapers. I didn't know that this adorable little girl could get shit on her head (while in a fitted onsie), but damn! They tell you to wipe from "clean to dirty". How the fuck do you do that, when she's got no "clean" left?
2. When you leave the hospital with your newborn, make SURE that there is no one else at your home. I do NOT care how much you love her mother, how much you think you need help, etc. The first 24 hrs at home with the 3 of you will only be the 3 of you. Make me a promise. I'll wait here.....
You get ONE shot at this, do not fuck it up. The feeling of "Holy shit. What have we done?" is the most glorious feeling you can have. Trust me, you'll understand later.
3. In your "It's time." bag, have a couple extra changes of socks for the wife. I should just leave this one as an enigma, but I'll disclose: Stirrups are cold, and birthing is messy.
(four kids)
Ho I thought of something one of my co workers mentioned. if your going the breast milk route when it's time for mommy to start using the pump it doesn't have to be painful there are settings. My friend didn't find that out for several weeks. Remember
This news makes me very happy!
Having experimented with four kids (currently middle-school thru post college) take the following a grain of salt - your mileage might vary. There's excellent advice from others above. We share the following with new parent friends and relatives for consideration. . .
1) As you are taking your daughter home from the safe, skilled care of the hospital, you might feel, "What did we do? We don't have the skills to keep this baby alive!" Then the paternal instinct kicks in wonderfully instantaneously.
2) Kids are incredibly indestructible. You can mess up. They can mess up. They'll be fine. In fact, that is a critical part of raising kids - allowing yourself and them to screw up. Perfect kids (or parents) are warped. So they're not perfect.
3) Love your kids. Show it to them. Show it to your spouse in front of them. Love is an amazing healer and insulator from the world's challenges.
4) Different styles of parenting seem to work. But while it isn't always easy or possible, quality time with BOTH parents is critical, for girls and boys. While kids won't admit it, they want boundaries.
5) By raising kids, instilling values, teaching skills, you are building a foundation. You are developing them for increasing exposure to the real world. Gradually you set them free to make their own mistakes.
6) Read, Read, Read to them. Continue to read to them even after they learn to read. Do it until they won't let you do it. It not only teaches them a critical skill, it nurtures a tighter bond. Especially important for the parent who spends less time with the child.
7) Do not use the TV or Videos or Video Games as a baby-sitter. Horrible substitute. We limited TV/Videos for our kids to 2-3 hours per week. This steers them into reading or more active endeavors.
8) Search out thinking toys. Wood Blocks & Legos are great for dexterity and spatial reasoning.
9) Finally: Savor. Every. Moment. (But don't kill yourself videoing everything or you'll miss the point!) We had a several year break between our first two and second two - wow, did the time fly. We cannot believe we have to post-college grads. We're way too young for that!
Above all, don't stress - this stuff kicks in naturally! BTW, in our experience, girls are easier to raise than boys. But you do worry more as they hit the teens. I think you mentioned you are an educator (I suppose all parents are!) - if that is in elementary school, you already realize the huge difference between raising/teaching boys and girls.
OK this is advice on the "dark side"; the things people often don't talk about…
You will likely have moments of where you wonder what the heck you were thinking to skip that birth control thing. My sister said it best once during a particularly trying time during the first few months after her oldest was born, "I've changed my mind can I give it back?". Yes there are good reasons why some species eat their young. LOL. And sometimes parenting is NOT fun. Sometime you would sell your firstborn - oh wait this will be your firstborn LOL - for an uninterrupted night of sleep.
The lifestyle change for both of you will be tremendous (along with the initial exhaustion). Do not underestimate this nor the occasional (and sometimes not so occasional when you are tired, um more like exhausted) times where you wish for your old life back. This is normal and this too will pass. Do not feel guilty if (more like when) this happens to either of you.
Make sure you have time set aside just for you and your wife. Relationships need attention to flourish, your child will be happier if the two of you are happier.
Sometimes it is not love at first sight for your baby. A cranky, colicky baby, squalling for 4 hours straight in the middle of the night does not always engender loving feelings. If this happens to either you or your wife fake it. Sometimes it can take a while for love to grow… If nothing else cognitive dissonance will get you (grin). Seriously though everyone expects love at first sight and sometimes this does not happen…
If the baby naps you guys nap. Do not use that time to do laundry, take out the garbage… it is the only way to get enough sleep. Also at night breast feeding makes the entire thing much easier even though your wife will be the one stuck doing - no need to turn on a bunch of lights, go mix formula or get it out of the fridge and warm it… just roll over and the milk is there - prewarmed. However DO NOT decide, if she breast feeds, that this gives you a license to sleep through that.
The easiest way to deal with keeping a baby warm in a car seat or stroller is a "bundle me" and no don't bother buying the bundle me hat as it will fit the baby for, oh perhaps 2 days. It stays in the carseat, has zippers and will keep the kid warm.
Strollers - bigger wheels so they don't jam, folding flat and into a smaller bundle easily and a place to put the diaper bag is worth it. BUT watch that it isn't too heavy and that it is easy to fold an unfold.
Thumbs are better than pacifiers. They do not get lost. Germs are your friend - they help build a better immune systems. Playing pass the baby when people come over gives you a break. With luck instead of handing the baby back when there is poop in the diaper they will change it. If you find you are not so fond of babies and prefer older kids - well they do grow up. Unfortunately you can not put a brick on their head to prevent them from growing up even more and turn into attitude laden junior high kids. This is another stage where you wonder just what the heck you were thinking to try this genetic lab experiment called a making kid - of course at that point you sometimes find it useful to remind yourself that eventually they do grow up and move out provided you don't kill them first (likely justifiable homicide).
Congrats, have fun, don't stress if you sometimes would sell the kid to the lowest bidder...and enjoy watching this little person unfold... Even if you don't know what the heck you are doing (like weren't there supposed to be assembly directions and a magic wand that came with this kit?) and wonder if you are actually old enough to be completely responsible for another life, generally things work out OK in the end. You may repeat some of your parent's mistakes you swore you wouldn't, not repeat others and make some of your own. You and your wife survived your childhood and parents. This baby will likely do the same. So enjoy. And marvel over the magic that babies (and kids) can be. And enjoy the feelings of awe that somehow you and your wife managed to make this little thing you will sometimes not believe is yours...
I am not thread jacking... But I wanted to give you this piece of advice (take it or leave it) Don't get too caught up in capturing everything... It's the things that you don't expect that seem to be the best... First laugh, First Cry... First word... Yeah the last one happened today, and my wife was crushed... He said Dada... I guess most kids say that first... But It was so cute him saying his first word... Things like that, you can't capture on camera (unless you have a few of the ipcams on always record...) and If you're behind a camera... You may miss out on it...(this coming from a Dad that has 5+ gigs of the 6 month old... and my wife has over 40 GB on her iphone of photos and videos of him alone... 40 GB in 6 months...)
Which brings me to my next thing... Upgrade the storage in your phone. You'll need it. Meh throw us a bone and put up 4 bay synologies and/or NEW (not refurb) 4 TB NAS hard drives? Please? :)
Congratulations!
But as a word of advice, curtail the amount of time you spend giving unsolicited stories and news about your kid in the workplace. It’s great that you have a beautiful family, and I am sure they wish you and them well, but the minutia of your children’s antics or development are neither interesting nor that special to anyone but you and close family.
And check if baby feels comfortable on the seat: {for actual carseat safety information, please schedule a time to meet with your local Certified Carseat Safety Technician. You can find great resources on the Car Seats For The Littles blog. ~TC}
{spam link removed}
@jakklarkrest joined one day ago, made one comment on a 2 year old thread and included a link…
@Ignorant definitely spam.
Paging @thumperchick
@jakklarkrest I don’t like you. My friends don’t like you. Get out of this bar. Go away.
For a moment I thought you had a new one on the way and then noticed the date on the announcement… by the way you still need to send me the list of slackers from the meh exchanges you ran (my username and the usual yahoo).
@Kidsandliz I was about to send congrats on #2 post too… Maybe we shouldn’t start that rumor?