We're Gonna Fleece You

How to use your fleece-lined full-zip hoodie, based on the region in which you live

Midwest & Northeast

1. Purchase a fleece-lined hoodie.
2. Wear it as your main jacket for roughly one month.
3. Transition it into being your ‘oh shit I forgot something outside or in the car/I better go check the mail’ coat for late November/early December.
4. From the end of December through February, wear it as a ‘feelin’ cozy around the house’ coat.
5. Starting in March, perform steps 2 and 3 in reverse.
6. Following a week of pleasant spring weather in late April/early May, pack away until next fall.

Pacific Northwest

1. Purchase a fleece-lined hoodie.
2. Wear it as your main jacket for roughly one month.
3. Put a slicker over it.
4. This is your winter coat.
5. Look to the sky and know, deep in your heart, that the sun is up there, somewhere.
6. In the spring, remove the slicker and wear until mid-June.

Southeastern United States

1. Purchase a fleece-lined hoodie.
2. Stash it away for a little while.
3. Eventually, take it out and hang it prominently in your closet.
4. Use it on those occasional cool winter nights.
5. Ditch it for a full snowsuit and boots when the annual blizzard (0.65 inches of snow) rolls through.

Southwestern United States

1. Purchase a fleece-lined hoodie.
2. Use it when ma tells you to work the horses at dusk despite your breath being like a faint ghost before your eyes.
3. Fear not that the soft cow’s-skin leather of your other coat will draw the ire of the coyotes again.
4. Curse your grandfather for deciding on ranching as a profession and then curse yourself for being unable to see the beauty in this amazing land all around you.
5. When the bell rings, git yourself inside and enjoy your vittles–gam-gam’s famous rattlesnake stew. After all, the way you worked them horses, seems like you’ve earned seconds.
6. Really sorry, everyone.
7. I haven’t spent much time in the Southwest.

Southern California

1. Purchase a fleece-lined hoodie.
2. Wear it when it gets cold at night.
3. You know, like 65 degrees or whatever.

Alaska

1. Purchase a fleece-lined hoodie.
2. Stash it until summer rolls around. It’ll be perfect.

Hawaii

1. Purchase a fleece-lined hoodie.
2. Probably gets cold near the base of one of those beautiful waterfalls, right?