How can you see anything through all those smudges?

It’s what we’re all looking for. A return to a time when everything was shiny and new. When we were shiny and new. To wipe away the mistakes. To clear the slate. To see with fresh, clear eyes. A security blanket, with you always. The fountain of youth… in a little bottle.

That’d be our Don Draper pitch for these screen cleaning kit three-packs. Here’s our real pitch: it’s three bottles of fluid and some cloths to wipe the shit off your device screens.

You probably got something with a screen on it for Christmas. Even if not, how many screens do you use in a given day? Three, four, five? Some of them you touch. A lot. They’re amazing. One way or another, they include every part of your life. And all of them cost a lot of money.

How often do you clean the miraculous screens on those expensive marvels of technology? Yeah, that’s what we thought. It’s like buying a Maserati and filling it up with the cheap gas. Or wearing a dirty Armani suit because you’re waiting for a dry-cleaning coupon to come in the mail.

We’d never claim this is the most thrilling product we’ve ever featured. If we could write the physics engine for reality, we’d make it so everything stayed clean forever and we never had to think about it again. But that’s not the cosmos we live in.

Here, you need to wipe your screen off every once in a while. Now’s your chance to take care of that dull purchase once and for all. Just buy this and we’ll send you a three-pack of Monster screen cloths, each of which contain a 1.5-ounce bottle of cleaning fluid and two different cloths (one antimicrobial, one microfiber). Order three of these and we’ll send you three three-packs of 1.5 ounces and two cloths. That would add up to 13.5 ounces of fluid and 18 cloths, if you don’t do math on a holiday weekend.

Then when you notice your screens getting all munged up with glop, give 'em a wipe and forget about it. And if you never notice your screens getting filthy, you probably need these most of all. Take our word for it: wipe that screen off once in a while. It’s nasty.