Too late It’s over

2-Pack: Bell + Howell 9-in-1 Super Deluxe Tactical Pens with Tool Cards

Pens can break windows, whistle, work as a flashlight and a self-defense strobe light, open bottles, and screw stuff in
Also, it can write
Comes with tool cards that can do even more stuff
You get two pens and two cards
Can they make margaritas: honestly, we wouldn’t be surprised if they could

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The Mighty Pen

Now, the phrase “the pen is mightier than the sword” is not, we know, about actual pens. It’s about the written word’s power being the greatest weapon we have against tyranny. Or something.

But today, we actually have to ask: is this pen literally mightier than a sword?

Let’s look at a few different categories.

In terms of writing letters and words, the tactical pen wins hands down. As we learn from stuff like Zorro, swords are not incapable of producing letters, but it takes a lot of effort and you have to do one letter at a time. Also, the letters have to be made of straight lines. Had his name been “Sorro,” who knows if he would’ve ever tried to sign his initial with his sword.

So, one point to the pen.

For screwing stuff in, the pen also wins, since it has a Philips and a flathead screwdriver inside. Screwing in stuff with a sword, on the other hand, seems very hard, and also a little embarrassing. Because it’s like, wow, you bought a cool sword and you don’t even have all your screws tightened? How irresponsible!

Hence: two to zero in favor of the pen.

The pen has a flashlight and a self-defense strobe light, but the sword can reflect light. So that’s a draw.

Still two to zero, pen.

Now, opening alcoholic beverages is a tricky category. The pen does have a bottle opener, which is practical. But have you ever seen someone open champagne with a sword? It’s way cool. We’re giving this one to the sword.

Two to one, pen still leads.

Alright let’s rush through the rest:

Breaking windows - The pen has a special window breaker emergency tool built-in, so definitely advantage pen. (3-1, pen)
Whistle** - A sword does make cool shwing noises when you swing one around, but can you say any of those noises are “whistles”? Not really. Advantage pen. (4-1, pen)
Doing sword stuff - This is where the sword really shines. Advantage sword. (4-2, pen)

So, the pen still leads and that doesn’t even count all the stuff the tool card can do. On the other hand, if you have a sword, you can just hold it up to someone and say, “Hey! Give me that Howell 9-in-1 Super Deluxe Tactical Pen and Tool Cards.” But then again, this still doesn’t favor the sword, because we’re selling a two-pack.

In conclusion, this pen is mightier than a sword.