Pump my own soap? What is this, the 1900s?

You know who really knows how to live? The people in WALL·E. No physical exertion or decision-making asked or required: just pure idle pleasure. I understand why the moviemakers didn’t go into detail about it, but they probably didn’t even have to consciously void their bowels. Now there was a society that really optimized the effort/reward ROI.

Cartoons aren’t real, so sadly, we’ll probably never achieve that quality of life. But this pair of eWave Automatic Soap & Sanitizer Dispensers can help make you so flabby and germ-free, you’ll barely even be human.

Every time you have to push down on a conventional dispenser, you’re building muscle whether you want to or not. Every time you have to decide when to stop pushing down, you’re sharpening your mental faculties just that tiny bit. Every time you touch something someone else has touched, you’re building your body’s natural resistance to germs. Shocking, isn’t it?

No such worries with the eWave. If it’s working right, a languid swish of a limb is all its sensor requires to squirt out a pre-measured glob of hand soap or sanitizer.

It’s the least possible effort you can expend for clean hands, short of your dermal glands just secreting the soap directly onto your skin. The dream of total physical enfeeblement may remain just a dream, but that’s no reason not to try not trying.