Erase It

Hey, good morning! It’s me, your beautiful face!

I just want to say, all that you do does not go unnoticed. Every night, before bed, you scrub me clean, rinse me off, maybe even apply some lotions or creams or serums or whatnot. You do your best to return me to my essential self, an uninterrupted, smooth expanse.

And to this I say…

BUH-ORING!

Seriously, what’s the bigger tourist destination? The plains of Nebraska or the Bad Lands? Western Kansas or the Colorado Rockies?

What I’m saying is, we need a little variation in color, my friend! A little variation in texture!

Which is why I’ve been working all night on this masterpiece. Building and pulling and raising and filling. The result? A little mixed media piece that I call “huge zit just below the right cheekbone.” Isn’t it amazing? A feast for the eyes. And the senses.

As in: your senses.

Because let’s be real, anyone will see the whitehead, the protrusion, but only you will be able to feel how big and painful that honker really is. Yes, it looks enormous to everyone who lays eyes on it, but you can sense that it’s actually WAY BIGGER under the surface!

Huh, you don’t seem very impressed or thankful. You seem, in fact, the opposite. It’s as if you find my newest work of art… disgusting.

This must be how Bacon felt when he unveiled “Study after Velázquez’s Portrait of Pope Innocent X.”

Oh well, many artists aren’t understood in their time.

So, if you must, feel free to erase my amazing work, to censor me, to return your cheeks to their healthy-looking (and feeling) selves with a Mighty Patch Acne and Pimple Patch. Each one contains medical-grade hydrocolloid that’ll gently absorb pimple gunk and help your skin heal.

Sigh

But alas, I won’t let it get to me. After all, I’ve got an opening to go to. My friend Thigh just released their newest work. They call it, “Ingrown Hair Below Waistline,” and it’s going to be exquisite!