Hydrate Better

“Welp,” said Greg, walking into the break room at work, “I’m doing it. I’m finally gonna start moving around more. New year, new me and all that, you know? I just started a program this weekend. The couch-to-5c plan.”

Stuart looked up from his phone and smiled. “That’s wonderful. You should check out Meh’s deal today!”

“Oh, rad,” Greg said, sitting down across from Stuart. “What are they selling? Pajama pants? A travel pillow, maybe? A blanket that folds down really small?”

Stuart blinked. “No… umm… they’re selling hydration packets. From Prime. They’re little sleeves of powder that, once dissolved in water, will deliver a hefty payload of electrolytes. I use stuff like them all the time, honestly. After a long, grueling run, they really make me feel a little better.”

“They dissolve clear?” Greg asked.

“I’m not totally sure,” Stuart said. “I haven’t actually had these exact ones before.”

Greg shook his head. “Too risky then. I gotta be careful, know what I mean? If I leave a stain on a couch, I could have to pay for its cleaning, and then, all this wellness work is gonna get too costly.”

Stuart set down his phone. “Sorry, I’m not sure I follow.”

“I just told you,” Greg said, clearly impatient. “I’m doing couch-to-5c.”

“Yeah, I heard you say that before, and I didn’t correct you, but I’m pretty sure it’s couch-to-5k,” Stuart said. “The ‘k’ stands for ‘kilometers.’”

“No, it’s couch-to-5c. And the ‘c’ stands for ‘couches.’” Greg rolled his eyes. “Seriously, Stu, you gotta get with the times. It’s not all about working up to some arbitrary distance measured by units not even common in this country. It’s more fluid than that these days.”

“So you go from one couch,” Stuart said, “to five other couches.”

“That’s right,” Greg said. “And you need to take a catnap on each couch. But the thing is, you can’t nap on the same couch twice. So you gotta keep finding new couches. It’s like a game! Sometimes, it can take hours just to get from couch one to couch two. Sometimes, you wander into a furniture showroom, and you can knock out your whole workout in no time! But the best part? It only costs thirty bucks a month! Try finding a gym membership for that price, amirite?”

“Huh,” Stuart said.

“Now, if you don’t mind, I gotta take a nap on that one over there.” Greg pointed to the couch in the corner of the break room. “Amazing I haven’t done this one yet, right? Oh, and I’ll check out those hydration things. They sound interesting, though I don’t usually get dehydrated while doing couch-to-5c, unless the couch is in a really dry room. Anyway, see you, Stu!”