Fake stars. Real bliss.

Yeah, yeah. We know that back in the day there was nothing like these galaxy projectors to help people fall asleep.

Maybe if you were lucky you had one of those can-shaped white noise machines that were all that terrible shade of 80s beige and that are for some reason still available for more than $100 decades later.

But a fully immersive visual experience like this? Designed to peacefully lull you off into the hallucinated weightlessness of simulated space?

Unheard of.

Of course, if you look at a high school yearbook from back then, the entire graduating class looked like they were about 35, so maybe all the leaded gas and secondhand cigarette smoke is enough to suggest that things like proper sleep and the basic avoidance of horrifying chemicals weren’t high on anyone’s priority list. Besides, everyone fell right asleep since they were so tired from walking uphill both ways to school or working one of those factory jobs that paid enough to have three kids and a house in the suburbs without having to worry about it too much.

And yet here we are.

Because even if we’ve made some progress on this stuff, we’ve also introduced all sorts of new and less obvious forms of toxicity into our lives, which might make it tough to get a good night of sleep. You know that glass rectangle in your pocket (or maybe in your hand right now) that does its level best to feed bad news and algorithmically curated outrage directly into your eyeballs* for as many hours of the day as logistically possible? Yeah, that’s not great for your REM cycles or circadian rhythms or whatever-the-hell.

So back to the deal.

We can hook you up with pure nighttime bliss, which you can dial into the exact nebula or nebula-adjacent vibe which will best allow you to set aside the barrage of problematic bullshit that’s been pelting you all day.

Your kids/grandkids might want this, too, by the way. Somewhere there’s a YouTuber with a questionable past shrieking into a desktop microphone about Minecraft coins as they compete to capture eight seconds of attention amid a dizzying number of functionally identical content creators doing the same.

It’s…a lot. And is no better for a peaceful brain at bedtime.

Either way, you can’t put a price on a good night’s rest, except we also realize that we kind of just did. At least it’s a low price?

Order this. Get two. Feel better.

*Or, in the case of your favorite political or true crime podcast: earholes