The Power of the Dark(Roast) Side

What are we selling today? The basic answer would be: something for making cold brew coffee. But really, it’s so much more than that.

First thing’s first, though: a quick definition. Cold brew is not the same thing as iced coffee. Iced coffee is coffee that is brewed hot and then poured over ice or put in the fridge (and then later poured over ice). Cold brew coffee is coffee that is brewed cold, making it way smoother and way less acidic while also higher in caffeine.

So, really, you’re not just buying a cold brew coffee maker. You’re buying an entirely new experience for your palate, a potent one that doesn’t involve nearly as much potential for acid reflux or heartburn. Or, to put it another way, you’re buying comfort and alertness.

And yet, this is what you get from any cold brew coffee solution. But what we’re selling isn’t just any cold brew coffee solution. It’s a cold brew coffee solution, quickly.

Usually, if you want cold brew without going to a coffee shop, you have two options. First, you could make it yourself, using the overnight fridge/countertop method that takes between 12 and 24 hours. The benefits? It’s economical; it’s satisfying; you get to choose the beans; etc. The downside? If you wake up and realize you forgot to do it, you’re a whole day away from cold brew.

The other option: you buy those big jugs of cold brew at the grocery store. The benefits? It’s easy. The downsides? It’s not very economical; it’s not as customizable; there’s plastic waste; it really doesn’t taste as good; etc.

With this cold brew maker, you get the best of both worlds. You can make cold brew at home, but instead of taking hours, it takes just 15 to 30 minutes (although, in our tests, we found it tasted best after brewing for 25 minutes and then sitting for 5 minutes). So, again, you’re not just buying a cold brew coffee maker. You’re buying convenience, insurance for forgetfulness, a first-class ticket aboard the cold brew express.

How does it do it? With some sort of cool tornado thing. Here, watch:

In other words, it’s not just a cold brew coffee maker; it’s entertainment. And really, it’s much more than that even. It’s an entirely new lifestyle, one where you can enjoy your own home-brewed cold brew even if you didn’t start a whole calendar day earlier.

But really, it’s just a cold brew coffee maker. A really, really quick one!