You asked for it - Ask Irk!
42Want to know the secret to a happy and fulfilling life? How to maintain strong relationships and build self confidence? How to be the very best version of yourself?
Well Irk probably can't help you, why would you ask a troll those kinds of questions?
He might be able to tell you the best way to cheat at dice or remove the skin from a 'possum skull though.
With the help of his handler/friend/confidant @matthew, Irk will answer your queries and quandaries in video form at a later date for all of meh to see, so make them good.
We'll take stars into consideration but Irk reserves the right to answer whichever questions he likes the most, we can't really control him.
If your question gets asked you might even get a trinket or bauble of extremely low value, what a deal!
- 643 comments, 504 replies
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Irk, if you could choose your own method of death, what would it be? And which forum participant would you grant the honor of killing you? (please say me?)
Does ANYTHING make you excited?
I concur with @Mac454. What makes you more excited than it really should?
@Mac454 Not to jump the gun on answering this question or anything, but it has to be speaker docs, right?
@MEHcus
Guess there's only one way to be sure...
@Mac454 I think it might be speaker docks
@somf69 @MEHcus Guise. Guise. Srsly. Let the troll. answer. the question. ಠ_ಠ
Sandwiches.
PB&J:Do you apply peanut butter to both sides?
Griled Cheese:Two slices of cheese or just one?
Footlongs: Are they subs or hoagies?
@escowhat jeez, I'll take this one and irk can sit back and relax. 1) no. 2) two. 3) depends upon their construction.
@escowhat 1) no. 2) why stop at 2? More like 6. 3) either or.
@JonT really I just want to know what is the diet for a troll of such high pedigree
The correct answer to #2 is none. Real grill cheese sandwiches have shredded cheddar cheese. Accept nothing less.
It's a HOAGIE
@escowhat footlongs are called grinders.
@mydrivec I think thats a different kind of 12 inches you're thinkin about
@escowhat ha. Nice. In southern New England they really are called grinders. We are odd
When was the last time something went terribly right?
Can you tell us about where you live? Perhaps a tour of your home? I don't want to give in to racist stereotypes and assume it's under a bridge.
cribs: troll edition
Where's my money, Irk? You said you'd pay me back like three months ago.
@harrison Do you want him to pull it out of his ass? There's already a hand up there for troll's sake!
@Thumperchick so which lucky meh employee gets to stick their hand up IRKs bottom? Or do you take it in turns?
@OnionSoup Irk’s handler is his secret to keep.
@OnionSoup @Thumperchick TIL: Irk has a “prison wallet”
@OnionSoup @therealjrn
ಠ_ಠ
@Thumperchick is it the most highly sought position in the company? Is it a full-time job with its own title?
Puppet Handler?
What do you think bothers other people more than it should?
Are you grey, blue, or purple? (It's different on each of my monitors.)
Do trolls of your nature reproduce? If so, can I have one of your children? Is that creepy?
How did you get the black rings around your eyes? It looks like someone pulled the old charcoal on the microscope prank on you. (Unless it's eye liner, in which case... uh, looks great!)
@Thumperchick Maybe you should fix the colors on your monitors.
@jqubed refurbished? https://meh.com/deals/assorted-aoc-monitors--refurbished-
Do you like speaker docks?
Do you find that your underbite makes it difficult to eat artichokes?
Who would you say is your favorite and least favorite meh employee? Why? Have you ever pranked someone at work?
How do you get your hair to stand up like that?
@conandlibrarian Pommehde. A mediocre brand, of course.
Are you the illegitimate love child of Elvis? Dat hair.
Does having to answer a lot of questions bother you?
@ardgedee Probably bothers Irk more than it should.
Crispy or chewy?
@Mavyn Chocolate chip cookies?
Wondering about your diet and if perhaps you'd like a whole bunch of stale gumballs?
Cramming all my questions into one post because why not:
1. What's your family like? Are you single? Troll parents or hatched from a pod attached to something unpleasant? Any kids? Spawn? Grandkids? Grandspawn?
2. What's your favourite and least favourite Meh item so far? Is the answer to both 'speaker docks'?
3. What is your undercarriage like? I mean, do you have feet, or tentacles, or a centaur body, or what? We know you have a tail from the comic. I need to know this for a mural I'm doing over my bed.
Batman or Superman?
Ring ring.... It's Cameron Diaz. She wants her hair style back. Do you answer the phone?
Your horns are small, can I call you spike? Where are the rest of Santa's reindeer?
Big Ten, Big 12, ACC, PAC 12, SEC?
How do you get rid of the sweaty hand smell from your insides?
@Irk: It appears you have a doppelganger named Ed Grimley. Have you ever met?
@KDemo More like Giovanni Ribisi.
What's your sign?
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
Which one would you take Irk, which one indeed?
The one to Grandma’s house, or the one to the three bear’s place?
Boxers or briefs?
Human sacrifice - for or against?
Also, pretend she's dressed. That's not the point of this photo.
@bluedyn Since I usually pretend dressed women are undressed, this pic is just saving my imagination. And I would disagree. You don't strip them almost nude to sacrifice them. :)
@mydrivec The trolls may have prurient intentions, but consider the scale. I'm gonna stick with sacrifice as their motive.
If someone crossed your bridge, what question or task would you require for passing?
What's the employ of your father?
@TheAlmighty1
@Mac454 You get me!
Blondes, brunettes or redheads, Irk?
When can I meet Irk?
@nathanK Does Irk not work with you?
@mydrivec I know! I think Irk is shunning me.
Thong or granny panties?
@somf69
@somf69
@mydrivec , Awesome, totally Awesome, now I know what to get you for Christmas
So what's the deal with your face anyway?
@medz
Irk, what do you think of the latest Chinese trend of sexy peaches?
@curtise Thank you for making me feel soooooo much better about my troll sacrifice pic
Yo, Irk. Whatever happened to the Mazda zoom-zoom kid? They still use his voice on their commercials, but he is nowhere to be seen. What's up with that?
@jsh139 I had to +1 your question just for reminding me of that commercial. I remember getting excited whenever it came on because I loved the zoom zoom part. haha
@jsh139 http://www.weht.net/Micah_Kanters_.html --no idea how accurate this is but it's what I found
@Collin1000 Cool!
Do you have anything to say to the Korean speaking guests on the forum?
Would you say it in Korean ?
Do you ever have those days when you just feel like nothing is in your control? Like someone else is controlling your every move? Those days when you're feeling down and it just seems like you're a puppet in someone else's narrative?
~Were you one of the trolls in "Frozen" ?
~How do you feel about all the hate on the forum toward a movie that featured trolls ?
~Do trolls really turn into rocks and roll ?
~Speaking of music....what's your favorite music genre?
@ceagee
♫ Do you wanna sing a troll song?
It's gonna be 'bout love.
I know that's not your kind of thing,
since you tend to sing,
on irksome things,
and things that piss you off.
You used to have no buddies,
but now you're stuck.
With me and this so-so crew.
Do you wanna sing a troll song?
It doesn't have to be a love song.
What irks you? ♪
If you could uppercut one celebrity in the taint, who would it be?
Hey Irk, what the hell is @marklog's deal?
Bleat?
Does it bother you more than it should when people stop the microwave 2-5 seconds before the "ding" and leave it so no one can see the time or have to clear it before entering their desired cooking duration. Does it.
This is what I come home to lastnight
1 sec. Really!
@JMACKIE3501 I suppose it's better than this
@JMACKIE3501 Sometimes I stop it early when the baby is sleeping so there is only 1 short beep vs 3 loud and long beeps. That said, it's annoying when I have to clear (extra beep) before I start cooking.
@JMACKIE3501 My wife will wake up , come into the kitchen and unleash hell upon me if I don't stop the microwave before it ends due to 3 beeps, however she gets equally mad if I don't clean the timer to show the clock which means 2 beeps. I have never really understood this how 3 beeps is so much worse than 2. Then again she will go through 5 random cycles out of order to wash a shirt. Me? I let the bastard run be it a microwave or washer.
Besides the obvious Red Hot Chili Peppers with "Under the Bridge", what other musical artists and tracks influenced or inspired you to become the singer you are today?
Plane crashes and burns. Remote Arctic location. Cook and eat elderly or children first?
@DrLysergic elderly are tough and stringy. Obviously the children.
Do you have a jewel lodged in your belly button?
@medz Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl and Irk!
@harrison
Dunno why, but I just saw this now.
/image steven universe thumbs up
How much wood could a woodchuck chuck, if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
How much ground round would a hound dog hog, if a hounddog could round ground round?
How did you achieve your great following as a know all expert in everything to answer all these questions?
Do you hate me for suggesting you answer these questions from Meh Nation?
Irk, why does your "Something Went Terribly Wrong" music video seem like you are hot-boxing a room? Is that why the servers are on fire, did you mistake them for a big fattie?
Irk, what is your schedule like? You aren't in every daily video, and if you are, you're only on camera for 30 seconds at most. What else do you do to make a living?
@Kevin Uh, he's a troll. He hides under a bridge and collects tolls from unsuspecting passers-by.
Why does the special mac and cheese taste so much better than the normal kind?
@hollboll and Irk..... why can't i find the TMNT version at any walmart or kroger....it's nowhere!!!!
@hollboll THANK YOU. I am so glad someone else out there agrees with me!
@hollboll are you kidding? it never cooks all the way through.
@hollboll your answer is in the question. Because it's "special," duh.
@hollboll shapes mac n cheese tastes better because there is more surface area since the pasta is a more complex shape. More surface area holds more sauce. More sauce means more delicious.
@harrison Exactly! The "fun shapes" aren't nearly as good since they're half crunchy half limp!
Irk?
Are there girl trolls and boy trolls? If so,
Which do you prefer?
Question: Is Irk voiced by the same guy who is narrating the possum skull chronicles? The cadence and syllabic emphasis is very similar on certain turns of phrase.
@damon Yes. This explains the rotting possum flesh smell that accompanies Irk wherever he goes.
Is Irk short for something. Irkgang? Irkangelo?
If I spend 15 minutes or less on meh will it save me anything on my car insurance?
@Irk - What kind of flash mob would you orchestrate?
@irk - What is the "Ultimate Question of Life, the Universe, and Everything"? You know, from a troll's perspective.
@irk How old are you?
@irk - Are you single, married or have a significant other?
I demand that Irk answer my question from the original Krapstarting video:
Is that an American Apparel shirt you are wearing?
Do you have legs & feet?
When will the know all tell all unauthorized autobiography become available to yours truly?
Do you have your own bridge ?
Would you let goats go across it ?
Specifically, a meh scapegoat, like @marklog ?
Do you rap w/ goats ?
What #seligman items did you end up with to decorate your cubicle ? You do have a cubicle don't you ?
How DO you remove the skin from a 'possum skull?
-not that I have one needing this service. yet.
Do you think all of these personal questions about your body/lifestyle are kind of creepy?
Would you rather fight a horse sized duck or one hundred duck sized horses?
@KDemo That question is definitively answered. Don't think Irk can top that.
@bluedyn - Unless Irk is a duck whisperer.
Irk, are you a duck whisperer?
A couple years ago I was semi-active at a “one deal a day” Website. Thru Twitter and the forums I got to know some of the employees who worked there. It seemed that they were a very happy, never complaining, bunch. It was when I was most active at the site that I believe I stumbled upon the truth that lay behind the happy population of employees. I believe the employees were not really that happy. I believe that there was a secret bunch of employees, whose only job was to “act” like happy, care free employees. In other words, the happy employees were nothing but actors! They posted all the happy posts about their jobs. They posed for all the pictures and videos the site put up. They live in semi-splendor, thinking up clever ways to make the real jobs appear to be fun. The real employees are possibly little more than minimum wage slaves, toiling long hours in miserable conditions. The public will never know the truth.
What I want to know, is Meh.com following the same fake employee structure as the other site? Are all the forum users who have little beakers by their names nothing but actors?
(Of course, I could be wrong about what I believe, but I think it makes for an interesting conspiracy theory don’t you?)
@Teripie i do not know what you are talking about i am very happy working at A Mediocre Corporation it is the best
@Teripie Erlenmeyer flasks, actually. I always though a Klein bottle would be more appropriate.
@Teripie i couldn't be happier if I tried. ha ha ha ha :)))))
@JonT I'm sure it's possible through science! EDIT: Awww it's not starting at the right time, skip to 4:28.
@Teripie I want to know more of what you think.
Irk, how did you get roped into this gig?
@Irk: When you are at a party, and someone else shows up wearing the exact same outfit as you, and there's no time to go home and change, does that bother you?
Could you please act out your favorite scene from the Harry Potter movies?
Are you aware that there is a Glen out there, trying to steal your thunder? Are you just gonna let him get away with that, or can we expect some puppet-to-puppet combat?
@pitamuffin I got $100 on Irk
@pitamuffin Irk should stick a sock in it! Team Glen! ;)
No contest - Irks got arms, Glen doesn't. Put me down for $50 on Irk.
Could be close. Glen presumably has a python-like squeeze and devour attack.
@Starblind I feel like Glen has some advantages, those teeth would definitely hurt and he's probably poisonous. I just think Irk would fight dirty and do anything necessary to win.
@JonT Are you kidding ? Those teeth are rot. One chomp and out. Not sure how it would be walking around w/ someone's teeth stuck in your insert body part here though.
@pitamuffin This would be the winner:
Re: You asked for it - Ask Irk!
Dear Irk,
Why would a company introduce a worthy feature claiming consumers "asked for it"?
Shouldn't the sheer popularity for the product make the point moot?
Forever yours,
TheAlmighty1
Dear, @TheAlmighty1. I find your message strange and confusing. I'm frightened. Make it stop. Signed, Anyone Who Can Read.
@marklog Sorry, that wasn't meant as an open letter for any troll to answer. TL;DR (because I'm confusing) - Did anyone ever ask for an Irk Q&A?
@TheAlmighty1 Yes, someone did ask for a troll Q&A. If I could search more than just topic headers I would link it for you. Sorry about that.
@marklog True that. The forums are lacking search-ability... and I appreciate you taking ownership of that this month.
@TheAlmighty1 https://meh.com/forum/topics/could-we-have-a-video-series-where-irk-answers-our-questions
@Thumperchick Gracias
@irk Does the hand and arm that fists you daily ever cheat with anyone else? I mean, it must get curious if other puppets fit better or are easier to work...just thinking out loud here.
Along that line, do you ever ask for the other hand just to change things up a bit? You know...tired of thumb filling your left arm instead of your right arm?
How did you learn to play guitar so well?
IRK, 왜 meh.com의 사람들은 한국 너무 끌리는입니까? 구글은 정말 번역 작동합니까?
@kykazaa google 번역은 작동하는 것 같습니다. 그런데 말투가 조금 귀여워지네요.. ㅋ
@Irk What series should I watch next on Netflix?
@caffeine_dude The Killings
@Thumperchick Thanks! Working 'Mad Men' now. 'The Killing' may be next. https://meh.com/forum/topics/ask-irk-what-should-i-stream-on-netflix
@irk Who would you rather fight: 100 duck sized horses or 5 horse sized ducks?
In the same vein, how many 8-year-olds could you fight until you were overwhelmed/too tired to continue? They would attack you ninja style (one at a time) rather than zombie style (at once)... Although that could be an interesting variable.
So who is Irk going to wake up with his 2 AM micro-wavings? Does he have a family? Does he room with Glen? The people need to know.
Irk,
Help me! I never see the hidden image in those Magic Eye prints. Can you see it?
@jimmyd103 A witch reaching out to grab you..
@jimmyd103 and the witch has cleavage.... LOL
@jimmyd103 It's a SAILBOAT!
@jimmyd103 It's a schooner.
@JonT Ha ha ha.... you dumb bastard, it's not a schooner, it's a sailboat!
@BillLehecka @JonT Its obvious neither of you can actually see the picture. Without a doubt a witch, in a very 'witchy' robe with big round openings in the sleaves, big witches hat, pointy nose, and cleavage, yes cleavage...
@jimmyd103 Oh, there's Waldo!
@fishzine And it's obvious to both myself and @JonT that you've never seen Mallrats. Game, set and match.
@fishzine And what we're referencing...
@BillLehecka Seen it, forgot some people actually consider Mallrats quoteable....
@fishzine Ooooh, sick burn. BTW, that kid is BACK ON THE ESCALATOR!
@fishzine @BillLehecka @JonT You could tell me it was todays lotto numbers and I still wouldn't be able to see it! and +10 for the Mallrats references
@jimmyd103 yes a witch with claw style hands. Here are directions on how to see these things http://www.magiceye.com/faq_example.htm
@Kidsandliz This is just making me queasy.
@jimmyd103 I say it's spinach, and I say the hell with it.
@BillLehecka @jonT OH MY GOD! There is NO sailboat! No schooner either!!! With today's modern devices able to freeze frame and enlarge, I was able to do the Magic Eye in that video, and it's actually just a series of shapes: diamonds, stars, crosses, and balls... How disappointing!!!!
(open image in a new window to see it in full size)
Irk, how big is your overlord's bonfire of burning cash? Would it fit safely in your home fireplace or would it overflow and burn down the house? :-)
Irk, who comforts you during those long cold nights when you're lonely? To whom do you turn for a hug and a "there, there" pat on the back after watching Old Yeller for the 50th time? Is there a Mrs. Irk? Little Irklettes?
How do you feel about people who feel the need to comment on your food. Like the guy in the office who peers over your shoulder and says "So, having some eggs, huh?". Or the person at the coffee shop who leans over to see what you're doing and says "Huh. Like some coffee in your creamer, huh?". You know, all those people who feel the need to make some sort of comment on you and what you're eating.
@Bingo Isn't that why you post what you eat on instagram?
@Bingo Makin' a comment on Meh, huh? Feelin' mad that people are commenting on your food choices, huh?
@JonT Joooooon, the Jonsterrrrrr, makin' commeenntttss. Jonerinoooo, Jon-a-lon-a-ding-dooong...
@Moose Makin' Copies!
@Moose You like-a the juice, the juice is good, yes??
@JonT I quote that all the time and people have ZERO idea what I'm talking about
Does it bother you that different electronic devices have their own special cords for recharging? Why do iPods and Kindles and Bluetooth speakers have different connectors, when they all link to USB?
How do answer people who ask "How are you"? Are you honest, or do you give them the meaningless response "I'm good. How are you"?
The tortoise lays on its back, its belly baking in the hot sun, beating its legs trying to turn itself over. But it can't. Not with out your help. But you're not helping. Why is that?
Will you write me a love song?
@Bingo you better specify whose love and for what or whom or I can guarantee you what will result will not be PG13 (of course even then it might not be PG13 either, but at least it won't be, umm "odd")
@Kidsandliz I thought Irk was generally PG, and was wishing he were a little more sweary. That or I'm totally desensitized to it. Which is highly likely.
@bluedyn it's the innuendo (and not explicit) ...
@Kidsandliz I'll have to give them all a re-listen. I'm must be too prone to innuendo myself to notice.
@bluedyn but I would agree with you, mostly benign as are the other videos they put up… but there could be a first
@Kidsandliz Irk After Dark!
Does it bother you when people keep skipping past that first piece of bread (the one with infinity crust) so that when you go to make a sandwich you're left with an end-end sandwich? >:(
@jsh139 I love those pieces. They make the best toast.
@Bingo Yes! The edges curl up just a little bit when you toast them. Perfect for keeping the butter/jam from slopping over the edge.
@jsh139 Those end pieces help keep the rest of the bread fresh!
@Thumperchick They the real MVP of the loaf
@JonT you might even call it a ROLL PLAYER
@matthew
@matthew
Are you and Glenn an item and if so what would your babies look like?
Maybe it bothers me more than it should but why does every product photo today hide the cord? Is it cordless?
Irk - How do you feel about family stickers on cars?
This is a mom, two sons, three daughters, one dog, two cats, two dogs, and a cat.
@bluedyn I really want to get some red X’s made up to just put on one member randomly.
@Ryaneil I spotted it near my office, so if I see it parked, I could do that to one of the kids -- then take an "after" photo.
@bluedyn It would so make my day! My luck it would turn into some kind of hate crime death threat.
@Ryaneil I do live in Texas, and they don't take kindly to merriment. So I'm better off not trying this. Unless it's a Colorforms X and I can take it off immediately.
@bluedyn I saw one once that had a mom, a space, and two kids. Handwritten with an arrow to the space, this position open, apply within.
@pooflady Classy. :-) I approve of her message.
Hiya Irk- Can you teach me how to carry a tune?
Irk, may I borrow a pen?
The answer to this question was my favorite “Ask Irk” so far!
Irk what is your favorite ice cream flavor?
Irk, are office crushes ok?
Irk, it's now officially Autumn and that leads one to think of upcoming Halloween. How does it make you feel when people dress up as trolls in order to be scary or funny or whatever their reason for Halloween?
Do trolls dress up like people for Halloween ? Who does a better job with costumes ? Should adults of any species be dressing up for Halloween ? Are there exceptions ? Please Irk, don't hold back, tell us how you feel.
Hey, Irk, how do you feel about stereotypes?
Irk,
Why can't I remember how to spell thesaurus? I'll tell you why! It's because chrome always remembers the misspelled version! Is it theasarausus, or thesaurururus? Is there an easier way to visit thesaurus.com, because theasarus.com goes to a cyber squatter.
@Kevin thehsoarus!
I have a philosophical question for you, Irk:
You're next in line at a grocery store and you have a full cart. A person comes up behind you with only one or two items. All the other lanes are closed. Do you let the person go ahead of you with a couple of items, or do you let them wait while the cashier scans all of your bags of chips and jerky?
@BillLehecka I respect the line/queue too much to ask to go ahead of people with my 2-3 items when they have 87 things, but except for the most heartless monsters I usually get the go ahead and I return the courtesy. At the same time you shouldn't be in the normal checkout lanes with your 2-3 things when there are self checkouts and express lanes available. I'd like to see Irk's take on this one.
@JonT I did add "All the other lanes are closed." to my question. I've done enough late night shopping where I've encountered this situation.
@BillLehecka But the question is - do you have ice cream as one of your two or three things - or conversely in the cart with 87 things? Ice cream trumps line order.
I enjoy having a political conversation every now and again. I believe that talking about issues leads to a more enlightened society. Irk, do you like to participate in political dialogues?
Irk, what do you even do?
Irk, why won't you be my friend?
Irk, what is your favorite simple pleasure?
Irk, what is your favorite board or collectable game whose community has died or lost complete interest.
@JazzyJosh You just know it's Tolls 'N' Bridges.
Irk, have you ever been to a bullfight?
@denton Do you like to watch gladiator movies, Timmy?
Office parties and office gift exchanges - love or hate?
Irk, pickles or cucumbers?
@DaveInSoCal Half-sours I imagine... because they're neither pickle, or cucumber. Just sort of... meh.
Irk, when you were in prison did you ever have to shank anyone with a sharpened toothbrush handle?
Irk, why is everyone so fucking annoying?
Has @JonT ever tried to lick you?
Irk, does it bother you when people don't use their turn signals? This drives me crazy, especially when they cut right in front of me. I mean, how hard is it to hit the freaking lever?
-A Bitter Woman
Irk, what are your feelings on monocles? In your last few videos, it really looks like you have one on.
Irk, Is 3D printing overrated?
Irk, why is your one sleeve longer than the other?
Do you have any fetishes? Such as, an unnatural love of goats or some other livestock?
Will you be wearing some sort of costume for halloween this year and if so, what are you going to be?
Irk, what is the meaning of life?
Irk, I think that Pynchon's "Against The Day" is every bit as good - if not better - than what-is-widely-considered-to-be-his-seminal-work, "Gravity's Rainbow". Most people I know disagree. What do you think?
Irk, do you need a hug? You seem kinda bitter and cynical and I'm pretty sure I hear a cry for help in your voice. There there, little guy, we love you.
Irk, do trolls have differentiated sexual organs? If so, are you male or female? I honestly can't be sure and don't want to assume.
@joelmw
@JonT I know, right?
Irk! Coke or Pepsi?
Dear Irk,
What is your opinion about free will? Sometimes I feel like there is an outside entity controlling my every move and that I am not in control of my destiny. It feels like I make choices, but deep down I know only only choose and endorse my own choices as a direct consequence of the environment and situations I have experienced in the past. Do we have free will? Are we merely puppets of circumstance? Is it enough that I feel like I am freely making a choice, or does there have to be an actual possibility of differing outcomes based on some core of primordial volition for free will to be exist?
Thanks for the insight.
Irk: my mother wants to know where people are dressing up for Halloween as Carmen Miranda and various flavors of Shmoo. I'm not saying she thinks you went to grammar school together, but she did say that Carmen Miranda was one of her favorite childhood Halloween costumes and she was also a big Li'l Abner fan (as all right-thinking people are). Wherever this magical land of Shmoo costumes is, we would probably like to go there next year.
@mossygreen
@jsh139 Heh. All that's missing is some clip-on earrings....
Irk, do you eat the pudding skin?
@darksaber99999 OMG, who doesn't???
@darksaber99999 better question, does he eat pumpkin seeds with or without the shell. For me - full shell all the way, doing it any differently is wrong.
@darksaber99999 Who makes stove-top pudding anymore? That stuff comes pre-made with no skin, you know.
@medz But the skin is the best part!
@JonT Pumpkin seeds - we don't need that scum!
What's with the proliferation of Click-Bait Headlines over the past year or so? You know, the "Top Ten Things To Do In Texas. #6 Changed My Life!" stuff. It's so annoying.
@Bingo I'll take this one - what's with them is that they work. More clicks = more ad revenue = more click-bait.
@Bingo #6 was a fantastic tip, life changing!
@JonT Yeah I get the money behind it all, it just makes the sites look cheap and dumb. I don't take any site seriously once I see those. Maybe other people still do.
@Bingo @JonT People complain about negative political ads too, but they work too. But I agree with you, @Bingo.
@Bingo ANSWERED! https://meh.com/forum/topics/ask-irk-clickbait-headlines
Is there a God? If so, why are people so fucked up?
Which came first, Irk, meh or the speaker dock? I am of course interested in your sage observations and insightful reflection on every (even the most silly and/or pedestrian) aspect of that ontological inquiry, but what I particularly want to know, from your position as an insider, is whether @snapster was just sitting on a stockpile of speaker docks and had the epiphany to unload them all on unsuspecting saps like us under the guise of "ecommerce" or whether he actually had the mediocre "let's do another goddamned Woot!" "idea" first and then--God knows why--started picking up the docks.
Moreover I'm curious, either way, how and why he acquired so many of them. Did he win them in a poker game? Did he lose a bet? Is thIs some horrible practical joke (or dare) from Bezos? Damnit, I'm sure somehow that Bezos is involved. Maybe this is all a crazy game that rich people play: "Hey, Bezos, I bet I can get them to keep buying speaker docks." "Ha, Rutledge, you're one crazy motherfucker. But watch me do something equally crazy." (I'm sorry, Irk, I can't think of anything that crazy, but I'm sure Jeffers can.) Perhaps--and, ooh, this'd be a little creepy--perhaps this is a DARPA or NIH experiment. Am I a lab rat, Irk? Am I?!?!
I don't know, Irk. I just wonder. It's around 4 AM where I am. That's what one does at this hour.
@joelmw Bezos' crazy idea was that they are opening another B&M store.
@joelmw Perhaps Snapster was only allowed to leave if he agreed to take all of the unsold speaker docks in the Amazon warehouses.
@rockblossom Really, that makes way too much sense.
@joelmw
Meh came first, i think. Pretty sure Napoleon has some serious "meh" while on St Helena, and he was likely late to the party.
Speaker docks came next. Once there was a sufficient confluence of speaker docks in Carrollton, the close proximity of these docks with an incorporated version of "meh" (named with some kinda goddam fancy-schmancy phrase) pulled lrk from the void of unexpressed probability into the here and now.
CERN is the normal location for this sort of research.
The fancy-named incorporated version of "meh" seems to have a credibilty problem in academia. No Noble Prize in Physics whispers yet.
What's your take on the human condition, Irk? Are we all basically good or ultimately evil? Or--as I suspect--what does your version of "a little of both" look like exactly? Irk, I'm tired of people using that as if it's an answer. It's the start of an answer, sure, but it tells us nothing that all of us--save the most hopelessly moronic--didn't already know. Don't tease me, Irk. It's too early in the morning for a tease.
What do you think about Mars One? Some of my colleagues think it's a stupid idea. I think it's awesome and that exploring is just one of the things we humans do. But what do you think?
Do I ask too many questions, Irk? I mean generally and specifically: Do I actually ask too many questions? And do my questions annoy you?
@joelmw Probably more than they should.
Oh, ceagee. ceagee, ceagee, ceagee...
Think Meh will ever come out with a plush version of you? I mean, who wouldn't want to cuddle you at night.
@conandlibrarian Me.
@barnabee @conandlibrarian Haters gonna hate.
@joelmw Aww, I'm a lover not a hater. It's just that I'm allergic to trolls.
@barnabee I'll take your word for it. It's just that some of us find Irk so darned irresistible that it's hard for us to imagine that anyone else might not.
@conandlibrarian I am still waiting for my ultra-cuddly Irk.
My dearest Irk, what are your thoughts on Election Day? Does voting matter? Should I vote on Election Day?
Irk:
I've got two pair, but sixes and fours. The only other guy in the hand seems to be representing a set or maybe a higher two pair. But he's been known to bluff. Sometimes he has it, though. After the turn, he bets about 2 1/2 times the big blind. Do I call, raise, or fold?
Also, poker's a sport and I'm an athlete, right? I mean, ESPN shows it. That makes it a sport!
Do you have a girlfriend?
Why do you not interact with any other meh.com staffers? Are you actually a customer like myself who they randomly record talking/singing to yourself?
Would you consider doing product reviews? If so, it would be awesome if you could tell us what bothers you most about the products that meh.com sells.
@chellemonkey I really like this idea.
@chellemonkey Meh Unboxings by Irk - Fubukuburo unboxings would be entirely censored.
If meh.com wanted to sell action figures/plush toys based off of you, would you charge them or would your employment contract negate any additional compensation? If you could charge them how much would you agree to? Would it be a flat fee or percentage of sales?
P.S. I would totally buy one.
I have destructive little red squirrels in my ceiling crawlspace. They don't even pay rent. They taunt my cats.
How can I evict them ?
Just to be clear: I don't want to kill them. I just want them to move out.
Thanks Irk. I don't want to shed blood.
@ceagee Oh ceagee. Ceagee, ceagee, ceagee... maybe this will help? http://www.wikihow.com/Get-Rid-of-Squirrels-in-the-Attic
@JonT Thanks for the article. It's very very hard to access this crawl space. I have looked outside for how they are getting in. I didn't think they could get in a vent w/ such small holes. I'll have to check that out again. Otherwise they are getting up under the siding and there is a hidden way in behind it. If there wasn't insulation up there that would hurt the cats, I'd just open it up give them a go at it.
Do the imprints in your upper lip hurt? I'm referring to the ones made from your bottom teeth. You should consider a medicated moisturizer for the dry and cold winter months.
Real simple question. Do you prefer toilet paper to dispense from the top or bottom of the roll? And what would you say to those who disagree with your preference?
@distractedriver This is not a preference.
To follow up with a similar question, do you prefer the mobile version of web sites or the full version and what would you say to those who disagree with your preference?
Okay, be truthful now.. What planet are you [really] from..?
Irk, Why?
Hey, Irk, some people like candy corn. What's wrong with them. Just kidding, Irk. They can like candy corn. But why do some of the same people hate Necco Wafers, which are clearly superior? Why, Irk, why?
@joelmw Because these people are, themselves, clearly superior.
Mmmmmm, I do-on't know-ww. He looks like one of those puppets that insults me to make children laugh. I don't like it when there's tears in my milk or when my dinner tastes like sad.
Oh. No. It's time to ask Irk a question...
I could go with "Just what is the question to the answer to Life, the Universe, and Everything, and why the HECK was the answer 42 in the first place?"
But.. no. That's just too much work.
So, in the spirit of 'meh'...
Why is it "Mac 'n Cheese" and not "Mac WITH Cheese" or "Cheese on Mac" or "Cheese food product on noodles?"
Dear Irk,
How many daily deals are too many daily deals on one daily deals website? (The founders of Meh.com might have some experience in this situation, so you might want to consult with them.)
My Dear Friend Irk,
Last week I went to the store to pick up a thing to wrap my garden hose up for the season. I walked into the large garden section of the store and it was all Christmas stuff. My jaw dropped, my mouth hung open. The smell of cinnamon and mistletoe candles made me want to hurl.
This was a day or two before Halloween !! I can't believe it's started already.
Oh Irk, my old friend, you helped me once before with a holiday question. Please help me again in my hour of need. I know it's kind of selfish for me to ask you another question and expect you to answer it but..... Please tell me : how can I keep from imploding ? How can I ever get holly in my heart during the Christmas holidays after this shock ? How Irk, how ? I fear that I am headed toward grinchdom.
Warmest regards,
ceagee, ceagee, ceagee
Why do my married people constantly complain about their spouses and then insist that single people should be dating more?
@iluvmingos Not all married people do that.
@iluvmingos ANSWERED! https://meh.com/forum/topics/ask-irk-bickering-spouses
Does the idea of a fat "jolly" man dressed in a red velvet suite sneaking into your domicile under the cover of night to eat your cookies and drink your milk, weird you out a little? Or is just me?
@jimmyd103 Maybe it bothers you more than it should.
@barnabee Was my question a twofer?
@jimmyd103 Maybe I like it... more than I should.
@Thumperchick :)
CHEESE?
Irk, how do you feel about Thanksgiving getting crowded out by Christmas sales, and other such post-Thanksgiving stuff?
Is it permissible to wear a band's t-shirt at their own concert?
@denton I'd like an answer on this one as well.
I'm no Irk but I say if it's a reunion concert it's fine otherwise wear a shirt of a different band in the same genre to show you're super cool...if no other band shirts then a Meh shirt will do.
Dear Irk,
What are the rest of the lyrics to 'O ceagee'?
Http://youtu.be/wU4AK_0Pn-U
@nadroj There's a song ?
If e does indeed equal mc squared, then what is the energy potential of a meh t-shirt?
@parodymandotcom Nice.
Ok, someone has to ask it: What is the best way to cheat at dice?
@AltairDusk Meh only deals with totally NOT rigged games of chance.
Hey Irk! Are you a dog or a cat person?
Irk, would you like to see a dessert menu this evening?
Irk, may I borrow your phone for a short call? I'm running low on minutes. Oh, and, can you please let me know when it is 10 minutes before ten, please? I'm not wearing a watch and I have a 10:00 meeting. Thanks so much.
Irk, do you like this?
enter link description here
Quick, Irk, I have a first date tonight! Do you have any advice?
Football - yes or no?
Hey Irk. Is a picture really worth a thousand words?
Do you use Salesforce to manage Ask Irk questions? What is your Ask Irk Object Workflow (AIOW)?
What do you think of the War on [insert holiday here]?
Does it bother you when words are so misused the poor usage becomes formally defined in the Webster dictionary?
Irk,
How do you feel about the whole Black Friday thing?
Irk - What's your favorite pizza toppings? Do you like them on a thin New York style crust, or that weirdly thick Chicago pan pizza style?
Irk, what are your thoughts on sports rivalries?
Irk, what is your take on people who embed themselves in a public demonstration just to cause havoc and destruction? I don't understand people who feel the need to loot a Beauty World.
Irk, do you wear pants?
Irk, WTF man? Seriously.
Irk, how do you not let the overwhelming celebrity of simply being Irk go to your head? I mean you get to go on rants about what bothers you, pick who's questions to and not to answer, and even rock some karaoke all while we watch in awe of your mystery. Gotta be pretty overwhelming, no?
Irk, DID YOU ORDER THE CODE RED?
@darksaber99999 - Do you want the truth?
@KDemo I want the truth!
@darksaber99999 - I hope Irk tells you. ;-)
@darksaber99999 YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!!!
I like purple.
Irk.
At first I wanted to know what you thought about dental floss that breaks or when you just don't meter out enough, but then I figured out how insensitive that would be. So what I want to know is why does medical science pick the worst possible names for conditions? Sesquipedalophobia, rhotacism, lisp.
Hey Irk, is there anything that irks you, or are you just too mehlow ?
Oh hello, Irk!
I was wondering, what would be a good question to ask you?
Love,
Curtise
Hello "Irk".
For the past few months, I've received numerous phone calls from creditors, telling me I'm behind on my payments. Apparently, I've signed up for a few credit cards and ran up the balances when I subscribed to numerous adult websites and magazines. I must have been in some sort of drunken state, as I don't recall any of this.
No matter how much I tried, I couldn't convince any of them that I didn't sign up for Troll Dolls of Summer and Bitter People Anonymous. It wouldn't even bother me so much if I had at least gotten the magazines in the first place. However, after some digging, I've apparently purchased cars and signed rental agreements in the DFW area of Texas. TEXAS!? I live in New Zealand!
It became clear to me that someone had stolen my identity. Now, my bridge has been repossessed, and I've lost my job. Those goats are just walking back and forth all day. Extradition laws from the US are sketchy at best, so there's not much I can do at this point to get my life back, but I just had one question:
Will you promise to make a better life for me than I did for yourself?
Irk -
What's the deal with mega-buffets? I see more and more restaurants putting out buffets with 400 and 500 or more items. Is it just me or is that gross? How can they possibly keep that much food fresh? How do they keep people from poking at the food or whatever? Isn't it wasting a lot of food?
What is the origin of your name?
@lisaviolet it was the product of identity theft
@Irk
Why do some people send every email marked as Urgent? It's so completely annoying!
Do you prefer regular dental floss our mint flavored?
Color, or colour? Flavored or flavoured?
@DaveInSoCal - Tomato or tomato?
What does ASAP actually mean, in terms of real time? I know that it supposedly translates to "as soon as possible," but "as soon as possible" effectively means whatever either the listener or speaker wants it to mean, so it essentially means everything and therefore, nothing. What is ASAP and why do people say it?
@joelmw But all statements effectively mean whatever the listener or speaker want them to mean.
@editorkid Poorly worded on my part. And I'm not sure that I'm capable of quickly properly wording it. Let's just say that the degree of uncertainty and incongruity between intention and expectation is well beyond acceptable tolerances (I told you I wasn't likely to say it any better).
@joelmw Yeah, I was just yanking your chain to welcome you back. Anyway, I take ASAP to mean "Between the two of us, you're the one who probably won't be fired if this is late," or "I know this probably isn't a priority for you, but I want to get this out of my sight." But facial and body language and context can soften or intensify that.
@joelmw If I see ASAP, I take it mean the speaker fucked up and didn't make their request in a timely manner and is now expecting my to save their baconage. Depending my mood, and their place in the hierarchy of 'people I give a shit about or who keep me employed' my response ranges from drop everything to reply within the hour to making up other needless shit to do before even reviewing the requirements.
@editorkid Mavyn What you guys said. Thankfully I don't have bosses that use that horrid phrase. I do have a couple of people who think they're my boss who do.
Is the 12 Days of Christmas the most awful Christmas song that exists?
Which one could possibly be worse?
@zachdecker Feliz Navidad
@zachdecker The Little Drummer Boy. I'll take your pa-rum-pa-pum-pum and give you rat-a-tat-tat-tat.
@zachdecker "Deck the Halls" - fa la la la la, la la la la
@rockblossom Not the version we sung in grade school, though. Deck the halls with gasoline, fa la la la la, la la la la. Light a match and watch it gleam, fa la la la la, la la la la. Watch the school burn down to ashes, fa la la la la, la la la la. Aren't you glad you played with matches, fa la la la la, la la la la.
Irk, you looked pretty dirty in your last video - has @jont been using you as a dust mop?
@kc5rbq @JonT Is that what the kids are calling it these days?
Irk, are you making a New Year Resolution for 2015 and can you tell us some of your past resolutions?
@jimmyd103 New Year's Resolutions probably bother me more than they should.
Irk, why haven't you answered any of my questions? :'(
Irk, what are your thoughts on Secret Santas? Do you appreciate them? Do you stick to the price limit? Should they be avoided at all costs? Why isn't anyone my Secret Santa? Thanks for your time.
Irk, for the December 24th daily video, would you please read @Kidsandliz 's semi-original X-Meh poem?
@bluedog
@lisaviolet You don't like my idea?
@bluedog I do like your idea. That's the kids on the night before Christmas. Like the commercial says "too excited to sleep!"
@lisaviolet Whew, okay. I thought you were beating me over the head with a pillow via .gif.
@bluedog Nah, it's the kids. Oh, and posting this I remembered I made some buttons in Disney font that say "I'm too excited to sleep!" that I handed out on the first Disneyland 24 hour thing last leap year. (Will never, ever, ever do one of those things again!) I have some left over, Mehrican Exchange! Yes!
I love purple?
@Barney i am probibly late??, but welcome bak,!
@silverqueen I love purple.
@Barney Maybe Iowa Gold...
@djames85 I love purple.
I saw the ? and had to ask - anyway, Irk - what is in your pockets?
Hey irk what is your favorite or least favorite Christmas movie?
Does it bother you more than it should when people use the term "wussification?" For example "Joe complaining about getting punched in the face is just another example of the wussifcation of America."
Irk,
Does it bother you that Peter Pan (a lost boy) is always played by a woman? Thanks!
@Rachel123 My wife and I were discussing this recently. I don't understand why. There are a lot of feminine men out there that are more than capable of playing the part.
@capguncowboy I was discussing it with my wife too when we watched Peter Pan Live
Irk,
Does it bother you when people call snowmen a "Christmas decoration"? They are in their natural (unaided by actual Christmas symbols) merely symbols of winter for myself, but come January each year, I am questioned by guests if I "forgot to take down some of my Christmas décor". Am I missing something? Thanks!
@Rachel123 Oh, that is weird. My Winter/Snowman décor is different from, and stays up months longer than my Christmas décor.
Irk, is there anything that bothers you less than it should?
@kadagan I vote for this question. I hope that doesn't hurt your chances of getting it answered.
@joelmw Thanks!
How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop?
Scientifically speaking.. What is the best color?
@kadagan Purple.
Irk, how horrible was Christopher Walken as Captain Hook? Was he drunk, or just too old to walk?
@kadagan Q: What's the opposite of Christopher Walken? A: Christopher Reeves
Do that Santa at the mall creep you out as much as he does me? Would you let your kid sit on his lap?
@rockblossom "Does that Santa" - an "es" went missing somewhere. Probably stolen by that creepy Santa.
@rockblossom This mall Santa is kinda cool (start around 1:30 if you don't want to watch the whole thing)
@Kleineleh @rockblossom Idunno, I kinda like this guy. Not that I'd want anyone I like sitting on his lap.
Irk, if you had the chance - which Muppet™?
@darksaber99999 the only correct answer (assuming Irk is straight) is Miss Piggy.
@Headly @darksaber99999 With lips like these I'm thinking he'd prefer Janice.
Irk, what's the deal with folks who don't flush in public restrooms?
Dear Irk,
Are trolls frequently asked to fill the shoes of elves this time of year? I imagine it's hard to find time during the Christmas holiday season to take a break from making toys for girls and boys to appear in any Christmas TV specials.
Dearest Irk,
Why do some people insist on cooking hot dogs by sticking them in a pot of boiling water? I mean, everyone has a microwave which is like 50 times faster than waiting for water to boil. They don't even taste any better. If you're going to use the stove, why not fry them up in a skillet? Am I missing something?
@medz Yes - if you cook them in a microwave too long they end up 2" long. Blame my daughter for how I know that… They also melt holes in plastic plates when you do that too… Blame her for that as well.
@medz my wife and I get the water boiling, then drop a metal colander in just so it doesn't touch the water. Throw in the hotdogs, put a pot lid on it and steam them weenies. A hot steamed weenie is the way to go.
@capguncowboy we steam veggies in the microwave. Probably could do dogs too in no time flat.
Irk, how do you feel about the government's ban on some incandescent light bulbs?
@rarps Only inefficient incandescent bulbs are banned.
@medz Can you give me an example of an efficient incandescent light bulb? They're all inefficient, and the energy spent creating heat is proportional to the light output. So a higher wattage bulb might generate more heat, but it also generates more light. I wouldn't say that makes it any less efficient than a given lower wattage one. It also doesn't answer the question of how Irk feels about the situation. :)
@rarps I agree that creating light by heating an element so hot that it glows is inefficient. I'm just saying the ban only applies to the most inefficient bulbs.
@medz But if each bulb uses the same percentage of the total wattage to create heat, how is a higher wattage bulb any less efficient than a lower one? 75% waste is still 75% waste wether it's out of 100 watts or 25.
@rarps not all about watts. Some are like hybrid bulbs that heat a pocket of gas up which creates light. Less wasted heat.
@medz Well those will be banned too if they can't get the efficiency up by 2020. Either way, it still fits into the original question of 'some'. It also doesn't answer the question of how Irk feels about it.
@rarps Not sure how you edited your original post to include "some". It's not possible that I overlooked it... (but I probably did)
Hey, buddy, do you know your MBTI/Keirsey personality type? What do you think about those things anyway? I hate personality typing systems generally, but the MBTI gets me. I'm an INFP, by the way. I think it helps to know where someone is coming from and to recognize that we have different motivations and pleasure and pain centers. We need each other, man (I mean we all need one another, not that you and I particularly need each other; sheesh, Irk, we don't even know each other that well; for instance, I don't even know what your fucking MBTI type is).
Kirk or Picard?
@Headly
@Pavlov
@lisabo B........................ S
@Pavlov Kirk was the Captain that was needed in the 60's .... and did well in the 70's in reruns... Picard was the Captain that we didn't know we wanted...but we needed
boxers or Briefs? EA or Ubisoft? Simpsons or Family guy?
@communist boxer-briefs, neither, both.
How do you feel about people who don't wash their hands after using the restroom? They upset me very much. To date I have not accosted any of them. Do you think I should? Do you have a suggestion for how we could deal with these disgusting, disease-spreading individuals?
@joelmw Put black lights, or some other urine/fecal matter detecting device in the hallway exiting the bathroom. Their shame will light up like an abstract painting.
@Thumperchick
@Thumperchick I'd like to get Irk's response to your suggestion (in addition to the main). Has he ever done a two-parter like that?
@joelmw I"ve always thought those "employees must wash hands" signs more or less implied that customers may remain filthy.
@margot That's funny. Though slightly less so given the fact that there are folks out there who actually believe that.
Irk, my friend, what's your take on the whole meh scapegoat thing? I'm currently burdened with its great weight. But perhaps I take it too seriously. Is goathood merely a curse or is it somehow (albeit, sickly, masochistically, I'd imagine) an honor? Other than taking blame--which, let's face it, can be done passively--what must a meh goat do? Does a goat have to say anything or just be? Does a goat have specific responsibilities to the meh community? What, pray tell, are they? Do you have suggestions, Irk? You look like a goat. Has anyone ever told you that? Of all the creatures of the meh kingdom (who aren't already goats), you seem most goat-like to me. I mean that as a compliment, of course. I beseech you, bestow your wisdom upon me . . . and future goats. Indeed, have you words of wisdom for old goats (by which I mean the ex goats)? Do tell. This is the Year of the Goat, Irk, we don't want to fuck it up.
What are your thoughts on insuring body parts? Like a super model having a million dollar insurance policy on her legs. Or perhaps the voice talent for a mediocre online retailer insuring his vocal cords.
How do you feel about the fact that as of a couple of months ago, there are no more Saturday Morning Cartoons being showed on broadcast tv?
Yo, Irk. is Meh a sketch comedy site that sells stuff, or a stuff-selling site that does sketch comedy? And either way, hire some of the former Kids in the Hall guys. They need work.
Irk,
How much are you paid???
Irk,
Who is the greatest game show host of all time?
Irk, what is your take on the forum complaints about items that sell out quickly?
@medz and, as a follow up: What is your take on complaints about the complainers?
@Thumperchick @medz What we really wanna know is what you think about the folks who complain about the complaints about the complainers.
Irk,
What's in the box?
Can I have a special button that denotes I survived The Great Meh Coast War of 2015?
Irk, What are your feelings towards Meatloaf?
@jimmyd103 food or entertainer?
@Thumperchick Meatloaf eating meatloaf
@Thumperchick Or there's the Rocky Horror Picture Show answer: both.
ok, Irk. Project for ya. Explain to the world why they need to stop saying, "it is, what it is." I hope I don't have to explain why.
@Gimbap you don't have to explain it because...it is what it is is what it is.
Irk, how can I get a job at Meh.com? Don't they need someone to run errands and write emails and make coffee and do their laundry?
@HELLOALICE Chill Irk, I'll take this one. Go here
@JonT I keep an eye on that, but it's all smart computery stuff. :( I'm going to dry my tears with my useless Fine Arts degree.
@HELLOALICE what up, BFAs in da houuuuse
@matthew hollaa--wait!! You work here?!?!?! You have a job?! What sorcery is that?!
I answered a listing for a "humiliation ninja"
@JonT If that doesn't work, you just show up and throw resume paper airplanes at mediocre HQ until it does work, right?
@matthew Did you really? Does this involve being a ninja who humiliate people, or a ninja who is humiliated? I could do both. Not the ninja part, though.
@Thumperchick If I design a paper airplane that goes from NY to Dallas, I deserve a job.
Irk's a jerk... I have been wanting a charging device and cannot believe they are not sold out. But I think I will pass. I wouldnt want something the CA people won't buy out...
@packer Ha! I was thinking the same thing... Like the Woody Allen line, "I wouldn't want to be part of any club that would have me as a member."
Irk,
What are your thoughts on award shows? Does anyone really care? As an aside, what about red carpet shows? Do you really care "Who wore what best?"
Hey Irk, first time/long time. I was wondering if there will ever be a meh-off, or a fuk-off or a meh-athon (those last two I took from another forum page)..
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@RogerWilco Doesn't your first choice taste like chicken anyway?
Irk, why are the Kardashians famous?
Irk, I enjoy singing to myself. But i have a terrible voice. Does it bother you when a stranger out in public shares their personal karaoke? I would really like to sing to myself and help my 45 minute commute to work go faster.
How do I rank up to The Global Elite?
I have a newborn, so I have to ask for your advice.
Is it okay to tell your child that fictional characters (ie Santa Claus, Easter Bunny, Boba Fett) are real? Or is it wrong to start their life with a massive lie, complete with coverups involving milk and cookies?
You should explain who St Nicholas really was, and that the stuff the bunnies leave in the yard isn’t real chocolate.
Irk, what would you think about some kind of profile page, where people could share a little bit about themselves if they so desired? Like what their favorite color or colour was, or if they they were scared of tornados and such.
@smoo99 You're already free to share your favorite color any time anyone mentions any color… Y'know, like yellow.
@brhfl Purple?
@brhfl As if my favorite color would be yellow. As if I have a favorite color. Although purple would beat yellow any day (and please Barney).
@smoo99 Hey now, I just needed a random color to invoke The Purple One. Purple does beat yellow any day (though pink is more my bag…).
I love purple.
Dear, Irk....
No that's to formal.
IRK!
No, to urgent...
Irk-
How do you deal with people that smell?
For example in retail establishments when you have to walk past that smelly guy that may have just bathed in an ash tray. What about the person at the convention that doesn't understand what deodorant is or the teenager going on a date that thinks a bottle of axe body spray is a good alternative to bathing.
If you could create your own holiday, what would it be for or about?
Dear Irk,
My girlfriend likes putting potato chips on her pizza. I guess it makes it crunchy or something. What do you think the reason behind this odd behavior (or behaviour) is?
Have you ever kissed a girl?
If you could be a tree, what kind of tree would you be?
Irk would you ever consider modelling on the Price is Right? They are currently advertising a "Male Model Search" Plus Drew Carey is an entertaining guy and all and probably fun to work along side. The female models aren't too shabby either.
Irk: What's up with TV commercials that say "hashtag this" and "hashtag that?" Do they know how stupid they sound? Like these people are something other than 79-something geezers who were born before like paper was invented and are wearing 3-piece suits with vests and pocket watches but they want us to think they're cool in hoodies but we all know they're not. Most of these people probably think that hashtag is something unsavory they find in their breakfast meat.
Who is going to win the big game on Sunday?
Hi Irk!
So just curious, what DOESN'T bother you?
What common "pet peeves" do people have that you think are ridiculous?
@Thumperchick Yeah, what pet peve peeves you.
Have you ever been thrown in the washer/dryer and if so what was it like?
Dearest Irk,
What is your favorite thing to put on your face? I like to steam up a spoon and stick it on my nose, what fun! But I don't know if that would work on your nose, or if you own any spoons, or if you simply have something else you'd recommend putting on your face.
The other night, the wife and kids were out shopping. So I did what a lot of people do when the have the house to themselves -- watch old shows on TV while configuring a router. In this case, it was the George Reeves Superman program. I remember having this same question when I watched the show as a kid: why does Superman look like my grandfather?
Irk, it bothers me when people use the word 'literally' for emphasis, such as someone saying, "My head literally exploded when I heard the news"? It makes me think to myself, "How is this person still alive to tell me about this experience?" Oh! I get it, they didn't literally mean literally. What do you think about people using words that mean the exact opposite of what they are saying?
@billymayfield I love this question.
@editorkid literally love? or figuratively?
@billymayfield http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/literally see definition 2. They literally meant literally.
@walarney shhh, leave something for Irk to maybe (but probably not) talk about!
@walarney All you've done is demonstrate that people did this stupid thing long enough that it became standard. That doesn't really answer @billymayfield's question, which--I agree with @editorkid-- is much to be loved. And it doesn't make this use of "literally" any less stupid, nonsensical, destructive or annoying. If anything, that our dictionaries are now infected with this bullshit makes it even more annoying.
@joelmw I am literally not responsible for what they put in a dictionary. And it annoys me, too, that they've made the word logically meaningless. On the other hand, I'm pretty sure doing things long enough is how most words got into a dictionary.
Anyhow, this was supposed to provoke a comment from Irk. I've said too much...
@walarney As long as we're agreed that it's annoying and that they've rendered the word meaningless. I like your response better now.
@walarney Great, now I'm losing my religion.
@joelmw Y'know, if you juxtapose my reply against the last line of the comment... well, I'm just saying maybe there's more ambiguity there than I apparently ended up conveying.
@editorkid I think I see what you did there. You love this question. But do you mean that ambiguously or more purely sarcastically? Yes, it's a sickness. I mean what I'm doing here, maybe what you're doing here.
Has Anyone Really Been Far Even as Decided to Use Even Go Want to do Look More Like?
@zonedabone You've got to be kidding me. I've been further even more decided to use even go need to do look more as anyone can. Can you really be far even as decided half as much to use go wish for that?
Irk:
How do I respond to my wife when she says, "Stop buying crap from that meh site!"?
In anticipation of your answer, thank you.
Dear Irrk, what do I ddo wiithh a kebbooardd that types llikee thiiss? Doo II have a ffuturee in ccpyywriittitnng? Or do II perhapss jusstt ggo wwiith it and start wwriitting epiic poeettry tthat peopllee cann imagginnee iss bbeiingg reaad byy Gollum andd Yoda's llovee childd. Hmmm, cchhooices I have.
@andipandi The penultimate sentence and its imagined offspring made the final sentence awesome.
Irk, I'm sitting at my desk, looking out the window, and although it's dark outside I can see that the snow has not let up after 10 consecutive hours. Why do I live in such a stupid climate?
Irk, my wife & I had our first child in September, and now I'm being told I can't do all the things I love (e.g. go to Gencon for the full 5 days in August or go on extended fishing or Vegas trips with my friends.) Any advice to help her see reason?
@march5th00 Sorry...http://gawker.com/studies-confirm-kids-ruin-your-life-1501803893
Damn it @JonT where was this information about a year and a half ago! Had i known that this parasite literally thrived on the misery and sacrifice of its hosts i would have made DIFFERENT LIFE DECISIONS.
@march5th00 you had your first child in September also? Our son was born Sept. 15th.
@sohmageek yep! September 23rd! There's a photo of Samuel around here somewhere in a "meh" shirt lol. Hope things are going well for you all!
@march5th00 things are. He just started saying dada dada again. He said it a few times in February then stopped. I haven't put any photos out of Raylan. But he LOVES Irk. I have a video of him watching the Irk raps video laughing all the way.
@sohmageek get him watching kidfoot!
Irk, I came to Meh searching for personal fulfillment and self-actualization. Now I've been sucked into the black hole of posting here. How do I break the bonds of Meh?
Irk: Pie or cake?
@BillLehecka
http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2010/03/pie-verus-cake-scientific-approach.html
@BillLehecka @JonT why choose between the two?
IRK: How do you feel about whiners? You know the ones that could have just won the lottery and now all they want to do is complain about all the taxes they are paying.
Irk,
As a Troll, how do you feel about the Friday announcement by @JonT and will it affect your participation in this forum?
I think @Irk is mighty upset at the asshats involved in @JonT's (forced?) "announcement"
Irk, will you ever find true love?
Irk,
How can I educate a coworker that nuking a tuna entree or any fish for that matter, in the (open) office microwave is inconsiderate, gag-inducing, and flat-out gross?
Signed,
I lost my appetite aka jimmyd103
@jimmyd103 I believe it's pronounced jimmyDUH103.
@jimmyd103 @marklog I'm leaning toward "jim-mei-duh-ten-three."
Irk,
Are you offended by the word 'trolling?' It appears you have nothing but sage advice to offer your internet denizens while us humans continue to post inane nonsense. Wouldn't it make more sense to call it 'humaning?'
Irk, my best friend HATES it when people state the obvious. How am I suppose to tell her that she is the most beautiful girl in the world?
Are there any words that people say that make you want to get a stick and poke them in the eye with it?
For example "anyways". Or using "basically" more than once in a conversation. Is there any word or phrase that really annoys you?
@lisaviolet Like, you know?
@dashcloud Yes!
Irk: How do you feel about moderated forums?
Irk,
My son loves you. Can he get your autograph?
Irk,
Have you ever googled a question and couldn't find the answer? Also, unrelated, Do 'the damned millenials' have it too easy? If you associate yourself as said millenial, do you have it to hard, you whiny baby?
Dear Irk,
Do we ever grow up, or do we just grow older?
Sincerely,
Ivan Petrovich Pavlov
@Pavlov Irk has been conditioned not to answer questions like that
Oh, Irk! Is your name, by chance, short for another thing? Irkwin? Stuirk? Irkel?
Irk,
Why is the temperature so freekin' cold outside today?
Your pal,
jimmyd103
Irk, how annoyed are you when you miss a semicolon?
@lakridserne Probably less annoyed than he would be if the semicolon hit him
Another Irk video....my kids love Irk
@tightwad My son does too... :) I hope people ask more questions he answers... :)
Irk - I see a lot of people complaining about thing related to where they live...the weather, Uber availability, laws for/against things, job opportunities...the list goes on and on. Do you ever wonder why those people don't move somewhere that is more suited to their needs? Why are they staying in the same place they apparently hate?
@tightwad Here's some non-Irk answers for you:
http://www.washingtonpost.com/news/storyline/wp/2014/09/30/why-dont-people-move-for-better-opportunities/
http://www.slate.com/blogs/moneybox/2013/05/11/declining_american_mobility_an_ongoing_mystery.html
Fucking Trigger Warnings.
Dear Irk,
Why do people argue so much on the internet?
-MrGlass
Irk,
What's the most fun thing about trolling?
I'm going for the 2 for (and it's not a Tuesday)
What kind of people do you like Trolling the most?
Me personally I love to troll self proclaimed trolls.
Dearest Irk,
What is your gender? Where are you from?
Love,
Irishbyblood
Kirk or Picard?
@WilhelmScreamer How can you not put Janeway on that list?!?
@Thumperchick Janeway didn't captain the enterprise... Which is also why Sisko didn't make it. Although Archer did...
Irk, what other features that you don't want implemented? We heard your view on profiles.
Not limited to but I'd like to hear your thoughts on, Private messages, pagination, Text alerts, an/or Purchasing the entire state of Texas and renaming it to the mother land of Meh, or something just as mediocre, declaring yourself as dictator and optimizing the whole buying process to automatically ship items before we've ordered them, but have proven that we will buy them before they arrive... That or setting up small distribution hubs throughout the country, perhaps along side of Netflix dvd distribution centers and making an employee/space distribution network that will ultimately save you on time/money.
How many monkeys live by the sea?
Is it always "Bro's before Ho's?". Because, my best bud's sister is HOT. And lately she's been coming onto me.
Hard.
Help?
I really want irk to answer this one. Not only will he share his wisdom. But I wonder how he's going to miss-pronounce the username :p
@sohmageek If ever there was a question for the ages . . . I agree - I too really would like to hear Irk's take on this one.
@mehterfucker @sohmageek @Pavlov something tells me that Irk isn't going to say something expected, were he to answer this one.
@JonT Only one way to find out . . . But, admittedly, Irk's a fickle puppet.
@JonT @mehterfucker @sohmageek @Pavlov I think if he can ask a new dad to get his 6 month old psychiatrically evaluate. He can do a lot. ;) also I hope he doesn't swear my son may be banned from watching him then. He already knows 3 words. Dada mama and shit. I think he'd pronounce it meh-turf-yuk-rr
@mehterfucker I'm sure Irk lives by "Trolls before holes"
@darksaber99999 That's just how he rolls.
@darksaber99999 I dunno...Irk can be shady.
Can men ever really understand women?
Seeing the story of the guy who put on a friend's old Prom Dress to take his Nice to see Cinderella, because she was afraid people would make fun of her for wearing HER princess Dress, http://abcnews.go.com/Lifestyle/man-dressed-princess-year-niece/story?id=29845303
made me wonder,
What is the most potentially embarrassing thing you would publicly do for a family member?
@JonT Will you ever offer plush Irk trolls?
@irishbyblood Sold. Name your price @JonT Also It'd be awesome if you could figure out a way to have it do lip flaps to the irk youtube videos... Similar to how Teddy ruxpin worked in the 80's/90's.
@irishbyblood @sohmageek
@JonT
@sohmageek I give tree-fiddy. Maybe more.
@irishbyblood 3.50. I'd do a bit more. Depending on size, electronic (or not), build quality and perceived cuddliness. Probably $10-20 range
@sohmageek 10-15$ absolutely.
Should I put butter on my PopTarts? I heard it was really freakin' good. If so, what flavor of PopTarts would you recommend?
What is your take on other types of trolls? Specifically, what do you think of the internet troll?
Irk, what's your deal with butter? Is it your fetish?
If I pick my nose, is it obligatory that I eat the booger?
@Pavlov ewww. Yer s'posta stick it somewhere other people have to touch it. Silly.
@Thumperchick I do that with something else. :P
@Pavlov
Hello Irk. What do you enjoy more? The pan flute or the didgeridoo? Can you give us any pointers for playing these prodigious instruments. Danke!
Are children who use sign language allowed to talk with their mouth full?
Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?
Do sheep get static cling when they rub against one another?
Can an ambidextrous person make an offhand remark?
If you lick the air, does it get wet?
Do Chinese people get English sayings tattooed on their bodies?
Why is it "a penny for your thoughts", but you "put your two cents in"?
Do Dutch people always split the bill?
Why do they call him Donkey Kong if he is not a donkey?
Irk,
Does the Easter Bunny really poop jelly beans? and the Easter chicken lay Cadburry cream eggs? My mom tells me this every year....
@jimmyd103
Dear Irk,
I cut my finger the other day. On the other hand, I'm fine.
What's your most favorite/annoying bad-pun joke?
Jocularly,
ACraigL
@ACraigL Thanks for the reply, Irk. Two more in the bad joke bandolier for me.
Can I have a dollar?
Dear Irk,
Is it worth it, and if so what's the best way, to bring back incredible shows such as Firefly, Deadwood, and Kidfoot that were cancelled far too early?
march5th00
Dear Irk,
We're (almost) all adults here.
Do "bad words" and cursing in the product write ups bother you?
lumpthar
Dear Irk,
Where from are you?
Dear Irk,
I think you should have your own account so you could respond to posts. If you really cared.
Dear Irk,
I often see posts asking how many people still have perfect Meh button clicking streaks, but never see anyone from Meh respond. Can you give us some insight in the Meh button, er, Mehtrics?
How many employees still have perfect streaks?
How many non-employees have perfect streaks?
When is Meh being clicked most?
Why do I care?
Thanks,
mediobarkre
@mediobarkre I have asked for this myself, but then when @shawn says "would you rather me do that than create x feature" I say no because there's always something more important to be working on. Maybe I'll try to learn how to do it myself one of these days, though then I'll probably just say to myself "should you really be doing this instead of working on y feature?".
Does the carpet match the drapes?
Hi Irk. Should I join the office softball team? On the one hand, I want to enjoy the camaraderie of my co-workers and help secure my job. On the other hand, I want to stay home and drink beer. I'm conflicted.
@Bingo Bring beer to softball.
Dearest Irk,
How do you like Scrapple? Like consuming it by mouth.
Thanks
Sohma
Irk lives in Texas, @sohmageek. The question should be, “Have you ever HEARD of scrapple?” Man, I just noticed you capitalized SCRAPPLE! Do you live in Lancaster County?!?
@aetris I used to
Hey, Irk. How would you handle the following situation?
You're in a drive-thru and you order the largest coffee they offer. (because you like it and intend to drink the whole thing like you always do) Your significant other says he or she doesn't want anything. When you get the coffee, you hand it to your significant other to be placed into a cup holder while you put your form of payment away and pull away from the window. It's at that moment that they take a sip...then another...
You ask, "I thought you didn't want anything?"
They say, "I didn't. I'm just taking a sip."
To which you say, "Yeah, but I planned on drinking the whole thing."
And they say, "You're being selfish. It's just a sip. I always share with you."
You: "Yeah, but you NEVER finish yours."
Them: "So?"
You: "So it's not really sharing if you're just giving me what you weren't going to drink anyway. I wanted all of that and now I'll be getting less than I had anticipated."
Them: "So selfish..."
You: "It's not selfish, I'm telling you that it bothers me. Maybe I have OCD or something, but it still bothers me."
Them: "I just don't see why it's a big deal."
You: "If you had told me you were going to drink some while I was ordering, I could have adjusted my expectations or possibly bought you your own."
Them: "But that's a waste of money; I don't want a full one."
You: "But I DID want a full one. There is no larger size to order, so in order for me to get the amount of coffee I wanted, I would have had to have bought an additional one for you. I'd probably end up drinking the rest of yours too, so nothing would really go to waste."
Them: "You always do this."
You: "No, YOU always do this."
DAY RUINED
Maybe it bothers me more than it should... It's like telling a kid, "I'm going to give you this whole bucket of Legos for your birthday!" And then, after Billy imagines how much fun he'll have and plans his whole day around all the things he can build with that many Legos, you take two big handfuls of legos out of the bucket leaving Billy with fewer legos than he had anticipated. Sure, he still got some legos, but why tease him by letting him think he would be getting all of them? Just tell him upfront that he'll be getting less than the ordered amount to avoid future heartache.
@medz Make her sit in the back.
@medz Maybe it does bother a bit more than it should, but you have a valid point. From now on, if they say they don't want anything, ask them, "Do you just want a sip of mine?" - when they say yes, buy them their own damn cup.
On the topic of idioms, if a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush, does it mean that killing two birds with one stone is effectively worth four birds in the bush?
@travo Only if you held 2 birds in one hand and used your other hand to kill them with one stone.
@travo I always head that one on the bush was worth two in the hand....
Dear Irk: Why is it considered proper to begin a letter/post with "Dear {name}" ( or the horror of "Dearest {name}") when we don't even know the person we are addressing?
Dear Irk,
What's up with all the remakes? The Craft? Jem? Babylon 5? When will it all end?
@DrunkCat Wait, they are doing a remake of Babylon 5?! That's awesome!!
@zachdecker http://screenrant.com/babylon-5-movie-reboot/
I love these weird idioms in our language. You may have heard these before but some could be new to you too:
Why is a boxing ring square?
If olive oil is made out of olives, what is baby oil made of?
Why is the word abbreviation so long?
Why are apartments stuck together instead of apart?
Why isn't the word phonetic spelled like it sounds?
When you transport items by truck, it's called a shipment but by boat it's called cargo.
@cengland0 If con is the opposite of pro, what is the opposite of progress?
And then other problems with our language is that some words have been used incorrectly for so long that the opposite of what it really means is what most people use it for.
"I'm anxious about going to that party." Most people would think anxious means eager in this case but it's technically a root word of anxiety so they are worried about it instead.
"It's a moot point." Most people use this to say that it's no longer worth arguing about. Moot originally means the exact opposite. Adj, "subject to debate, dispute, or uncertainty, and typically not admitting of a final decision." There is even moot court where issues are argued.
What in the world is a hot water heater? If the water is already hot, why do you need to heat it? It should be called a cold water heater.
And finally, how in the world can flammable and inflammable mean exactly the same thing?
These things bother me exactly as much as it should which is a lot.
Dear Irk,
Why do people feel that it is safe to leave their car running while they are pumping gas? I know that gasoline (the liquid itself) isn't flammable, but the vapors produced (especially while pumping gas) are highly flammable. Is there some bad information floating around, or am I just overreacting?
- Willijs3
@Willijs3 I only did this once, and several factors were necessary. I was driving in New Jersey where it's illegal to pump your own gas. I drive a hybrid, so the gas engine shuts off if you have enough battery power and are idle. And I had to wait in line and for the attendant to come to my vehicle. I forgot that my car was on, and he pumped my gas. Oops. I don't think anything happened negatively.
Wow.
This is the first time I've ventured into the Ask Irk forum.
It's like seeing inside the brain of 400 schizophrenics.
(...slowly backing out of the forum and trying not to make eye contact with anyone...)
Dearest Irk-
Why do people say "underwears" when they are speaking of underwear? Do people truly think the word is plural?
@conandlibrarian I buy my underwears down at the walmarts.
@conandlibrarian Same reason people say, "Can I axe you a question?"
Dear Irk, What's the capital of Michigan?
@Thumperchick M -signed every kiddie joke book author ever
Hi Irk,
What's your stance on birthday cards? I find them to be pointless if you're not putting cash or a gift card in them or you just sign the card without personalizing it. Do I have to buy a birthday card if I'm already buying the person a gift? Shouldn't the gift hold more sentiment than a card that has a trite message on it written by some guy or gal at Hallmark?
Maybe I'm just cheap and find birthday cards to be wasteful uses of paper.
@BillLehecka They are a total waste! My old job would ask us to buy cards to replenish the supply at the office so they could send b-day cards around to people. (it was really funny when you got one you bought...) I always bought the cheapest bulk pack I could find, but then they didn't like those because they weren't good enough. A personalized email means more to me than a card with just a bunch of signatures on it.
Dear Irk,
Not a question. Just a simple thank you for imparting your sage advice with perfect comedic timing.
Cheers.
Dear Irk,
Every week I start out hoping to see a "Maybe It bothers me more than it should" video but some weeks you don't do one. Are you not sufficiently bothered anymore? Maybe your equanimity bothers me more than it should...
@jennkaotic I miss them too.
Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
@MrsPavlov So they can fit my pizza, garlic cup, and ranch cup in one convenient package, duh.
@MrsPavlov Because round boxes would cost more than the pizza.
@ACraigL Burt Rigid Box, Inc. developed and patented equipment in the 1930’s to automate round box manufacturing. I'm thinking that might have a lot to do with it. Absent the patent issue and in high enough volume, the round box might cost slightly less . . .
@Pavlov It's probably your fault.
@MrsPavlov111 The original justification for it used circular logic and was thus rejected. So, they went to IBM, and 6 months later this came out.
Dear Irk -
I have a bottle of wine I opened about a month ago. It's been kept with the cork in it since then. Can I still drink it?
Thanks -
Bingo
@Bingo
I read a few other sources that said "it depends" and mainly that it'll be the taste/smell that's affected. Soooo maybe you could give it a try?
@Bingo That's why they make boxed wine- it keeps for months at a time. Not a big wine drinker, but family and friends have lots of Franzia boxes sitting around (there was the one time we had too many boxes and I gave away a bunch at work).
Spring forward of fall back? Which part of daylight savings to you prefer. Do you even like daylight savings?
Dear Irk,
Is your body vegan, vegetarian and gluten free? And if so, why don't your videos prominently display such features in iconography form?
Irk, do you feel violated if it's someone else's hand up there?
Irk, why do people feel the need to talk on their phones while in the restroom? WTF is wrong with people?
Irk, I feel like none of my questions will be answered because I don't have a user name that you can purposely mispronounce :(
@jsh139 this is clear irk-bait. You know he could, j-shhhhhhh-onehundredandthreenine
@JonT Damn, was it that obvious? :D
Why is Youtube suggesting videos on how to ask teen girls out after watching your videos? I'm an old married man! I'm not a creepy old married man, I think?
@grumpasaurus Why does Amazon think I'm a mom? Why does anything happen!?
Irk, this segment in general is like a spiritual successor to the Ben the Over-Literal Dermestid Beetle, from days of Woot past. He always has a bone to pick, at least Irk can fulfill my bone-picking desires.