You asked for it - Ask Irk!
42Want to know the secret to a happy and fulfilling life? How to maintain strong relationships and build self confidence? How to be the very best version of yourself?
Well Irk probably can't help you, why would you ask a troll those kinds of questions?
He might be able to tell you the best way to cheat at dice or remove the skin from a 'possum skull though.
With the help of his handler/friend/confidant @matthew, Irk will answer your queries and quandaries in video form at a later date for all of meh to see, so make them good.
We'll take stars into consideration but Irk reserves the right to answer whichever questions he likes the most, we can't really control him.
If your question gets asked you might even get a trinket or bauble of extremely low value, what a deal!
- 644 comments, 504 replies
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Irk, if you could choose your own method of death, what would it be? And which forum participant would you grant the honor of killing you? (please say me?)
Does ANYTHING make you excited?
I concur with @Mac454. What makes you more excited than it really should?
@Mac454 Not to jump the gun on answering this question or anything, but it has to be speaker docs, right?
@MEHcus
Guess there's only one way to be sure...
@Mac454 I think it might be speaker docks
@somf69 @MEHcus Guise. Guise. Srsly. Let the troll. answer. the question. ಠ_ಠ
Sandwiches.
PB&J:Do you apply peanut butter to both sides?
Griled Cheese:Two slices of cheese or just one?
Footlongs: Are they subs or hoagies?
@escowhat jeez, I'll take this one and irk can sit back and relax. 1) no. 2) two. 3) depends upon their construction.
@escowhat 1) no. 2) why stop at 2? More like 6. 3) either or.
@JonT really I just want to know what is the diet for a troll of such high pedigree
The correct answer to #2 is none. Real grill cheese sandwiches have shredded cheddar cheese. Accept nothing less.
It's a HOAGIE
@escowhat footlongs are called grinders.
@mydrivec I think thats a different kind of 12 inches you're thinkin about
@escowhat ha. Nice. In southern New England they really are called grinders. We are odd
When was the last time something went terribly right?
Can you tell us about where you live? Perhaps a tour of your home? I don't want to give in to racist stereotypes and assume it's under a bridge.
cribs: troll edition
Where's my money, Irk? You said you'd pay me back like three months ago.
@harrison Do you want him to pull it out of his ass? There's already a hand up there for troll's sake!
@Thumperchick so which lucky meh employee gets to stick their hand up IRKs bottom? Or do you take it in turns?
@OnionSoup Irk’s handler is his secret to keep.
@OnionSoup @Thumperchick TIL: Irk has a “prison wallet”
@OnionSoup @therealjrn
ಠ_ಠ
@Thumperchick is it the most highly sought position in the company? Is it a full-time job with its own title?
Puppet Handler?
What do you think bothers other people more than it should?
Are you grey, blue, or purple? (It's different on each of my monitors.)
Do trolls of your nature reproduce? If so, can I have one of your children? Is that creepy?
How did you get the black rings around your eyes? It looks like someone pulled the old charcoal on the microscope prank on you. (Unless it's eye liner, in which case... uh, looks great!)
@Thumperchick Maybe you should fix the colors on your monitors.
@jqubed refurbished? https://meh.com/deals/assorted-aoc-monitors--refurbished-
Do you like speaker docks?
Do you find that your underbite makes it difficult to eat artichokes?
Who would you say is your favorite and least favorite meh employee? Why? Have you ever pranked someone at work?
How do you get your hair to stand up like that?
@conandlibrarian Pommehde. A mediocre brand, of course.
Are you the illegitimate love child of Elvis? Dat hair.
Does having to answer a lot of questions bother you?
@ardgedee Probably bothers Irk more than it should.
Crispy or chewy?
@Mavyn Chocolate chip cookies?
Wondering about your diet and if perhaps you'd like a whole bunch of stale gumballs?
Cramming all my questions into one post because why not:
1. What's your family like? Are you single? Troll parents or hatched from a pod attached to something unpleasant? Any kids? Spawn? Grandkids? Grandspawn?
2. What's your favourite and least favourite Meh item so far? Is the answer to both 'speaker docks'?
3. What is your undercarriage like? I mean, do you have feet, or tentacles, or a centaur body, or what? We know you have a tail from the comic. I need to know this for a mural I'm doing over my bed.
Batman or Superman?
Ring ring.... It's Cameron Diaz. She wants her hair style back. Do you answer the phone?
Your horns are small, can I call you spike? Where are the rest of Santa's reindeer?
Big Ten, Big 12, ACC, PAC 12, SEC?
How do you get rid of the sweaty hand smell from your insides?
@Irk: It appears you have a doppelganger named Ed Grimley. Have you ever met?
@KDemo More like Giovanni Ribisi.
What's your sign?
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
Which one would you take Irk, which one indeed?
The one to Grandma’s house, or the one to the three bear’s place?
Boxers or briefs?
Human sacrifice - for or against?
Also, pretend she's dressed. That's not the point of this photo.
@bluedyn Since I usually pretend dressed women are undressed, this pic is just saving my imagination. And I would disagree. You don't strip them almost nude to sacrifice them. :)
@mydrivec The trolls may have prurient intentions, but consider the scale. I'm gonna stick with sacrifice as their motive.
If someone crossed your bridge, what question or task would you require for passing?
What's the employ of your father?
@TheAlmighty1
@Mac454 You get me!
Blondes, brunettes or redheads, Irk?
When can I meet Irk?
@nathanK Does Irk not work with you?
@mydrivec I know! I think Irk is shunning me.
Thong or granny panties?
@somf69
@somf69
@mydrivec , Awesome, totally Awesome, now I know what to get you for Christmas
So what's the deal with your face anyway?
@medz
Irk, what do you think of the latest Chinese trend of sexy peaches?
@curtise Thank you for making me feel soooooo much better about my troll sacrifice pic
Yo, Irk. Whatever happened to the Mazda zoom-zoom kid? They still use his voice on their commercials, but he is nowhere to be seen. What's up with that?
@jsh139 I had to +1 your question just for reminding me of that commercial. I remember getting excited whenever it came on because I loved the zoom zoom part. haha
@jsh139 http://www.weht.net/Micah_Kanters_.html --no idea how accurate this is but it's what I found
@Collin1000 Cool!
Do you have anything to say to the Korean speaking guests on the forum?
Would you say it in Korean ?
Do you ever have those days when you just feel like nothing is in your control? Like someone else is controlling your every move? Those days when you're feeling down and it just seems like you're a puppet in someone else's narrative?
~Were you one of the trolls in "Frozen" ?
~How do you feel about all the hate on the forum toward a movie that featured trolls ?
~Do trolls really turn into rocks and roll ?
~Speaking of music....what's your favorite music genre?
@ceagee
♫ Do you wanna sing a troll song?
It's gonna be 'bout love.
I know that's not your kind of thing,
since you tend to sing,
on irksome things,
and things that piss you off.
You used to have no buddies,
but now you're stuck.
With me and this so-so crew.
Do you wanna sing a troll song?
It doesn't have to be a love song.
What irks you? ♪
If you could uppercut one celebrity in the taint, who would it be?
Hey Irk, what the hell is @marklog's deal?
Bleat?
Does it bother you more than it should when people stop the microwave 2-5 seconds before the "ding" and leave it so no one can see the time or have to clear it before entering their desired cooking duration. Does it.
This is what I come home to lastnight
1 sec. Really!
@JMACKIE3501 I suppose it's better than this
@JMACKIE3501 Sometimes I stop it early when the baby is sleeping so there is only 1 short beep vs 3 loud and long beeps. That said, it's annoying when I have to clear (extra beep) before I start cooking.
@JMACKIE3501 My wife will wake up , come into the kitchen and unleash hell upon me if I don't stop the microwave before it ends due to 3 beeps, however she gets equally mad if I don't clean the timer to show the clock which means 2 beeps. I have never really understood this how 3 beeps is so much worse than 2. Then again she will go through 5 random cycles out of order to wash a shirt. Me? I let the bastard run be it a microwave or washer.
Besides the obvious Red Hot Chili Peppers with "Under the Bridge", what other musical artists and tracks influenced or inspired you to become the singer you are today?
Plane crashes and burns. Remote Arctic location. Cook and eat elderly or children first?
@DrLysergic elderly are tough and stringy. Obviously the children.
Do you have a jewel lodged in your belly button?
@medz Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl and Irk!
@harrison
Dunno why, but I just saw this now.
/image steven universe thumbs up
How much wood could a woodchuck chuck, if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
How much ground round would a hound dog hog, if a hounddog could round ground round?
How did you achieve your great following as a know all expert in everything to answer all these questions?
Do you hate me for suggesting you answer these questions from Meh Nation?
Irk, why does your "Something Went Terribly Wrong" music video seem like you are hot-boxing a room? Is that why the servers are on fire, did you mistake them for a big fattie?
Irk, what is your schedule like? You aren't in every daily video, and if you are, you're only on camera for 30 seconds at most. What else do you do to make a living?
@Kevin Uh, he's a troll. He hides under a bridge and collects tolls from unsuspecting passers-by.
Why does the special mac and cheese taste so much better than the normal kind?
@hollboll and Irk..... why can't i find the TMNT version at any walmart or kroger....it's nowhere!!!!
@hollboll THANK YOU. I am so glad someone else out there agrees with me!
@hollboll are you kidding? it never cooks all the way through.
@hollboll your answer is in the question. Because it's "special," duh.
@hollboll shapes mac n cheese tastes better because there is more surface area since the pasta is a more complex shape. More surface area holds more sauce. More sauce means more delicious.
@harrison Exactly! The "fun shapes" aren't nearly as good since they're half crunchy half limp!
Irk?
Are there girl trolls and boy trolls? If so,
Which do you prefer?
Question: Is Irk voiced by the same guy who is narrating the possum skull chronicles? The cadence and syllabic emphasis is very similar on certain turns of phrase.
@damon Yes. This explains the rotting possum flesh smell that accompanies Irk wherever he goes.
Is Irk short for something. Irkgang? Irkangelo?
If I spend 15 minutes or less on meh will it save me anything on my car insurance?
@Irk - What kind of flash mob would you orchestrate?
@irk - What is the "Ultimate Question of Life, the Universe, and Everything"? You know, from a troll's perspective.
@irk How old are you?
@irk - Are you single, married or have a significant other?
I demand that Irk answer my question from the original Krapstarting video:
Is that an American Apparel shirt you are wearing?
Do you have legs & feet?
When will the know all tell all unauthorized autobiography become available to yours truly?
Do you have your own bridge ?
Would you let goats go across it ?
Specifically, a meh scapegoat, like @marklog ?
Do you rap w/ goats ?
What #seligman items did you end up with to decorate your cubicle ? You do have a cubicle don't you ?
How DO you remove the skin from a 'possum skull?
-not that I have one needing this service. yet.
Do you think all of these personal questions about your body/lifestyle are kind of creepy?
Would you rather fight a horse sized duck or one hundred duck sized horses?
@KDemo That question is definitively answered. Don't think Irk can top that.
@bluedyn - Unless Irk is a duck whisperer.
Irk, are you a duck whisperer?
A couple years ago I was semi-active at a “one deal a day” Website. Thru Twitter and the forums I got to know some of the employees who worked there. It seemed that they were a very happy, never complaining, bunch. It was when I was most active at the site that I believe I stumbled upon the truth that lay behind the happy population of employees. I believe the employees were not really that happy. I believe that there was a secret bunch of employees, whose only job was to “act” like happy, care free employees. In other words, the happy employees were nothing but actors! They posted all the happy posts about their jobs. They posed for all the pictures and videos the site put up. They live in semi-splendor, thinking up clever ways to make the real jobs appear to be fun. The real employees are possibly little more than minimum wage slaves, toiling long hours in miserable conditions. The public will never know the truth.
What I want to know, is Meh.com following the same fake employee structure as the other site? Are all the forum users who have little beakers by their names nothing but actors?
(Of course, I could be wrong about what I believe, but I think it makes for an interesting conspiracy theory don’t you?)
@Teripie i do not know what you are talking about i am very happy working at A Mediocre Corporation it is the best
@Teripie Erlenmeyer flasks, actually. I always though a Klein bottle would be more appropriate.
@Teripie i couldn't be happier if I tried. ha ha ha ha :)))))
@JonT I'm sure it's possible through science! EDIT: Awww it's not starting at the right time, skip to 4:28.
@Teripie I want to know more of what you think.
Irk, how did you get roped into this gig?
@Irk: When you are at a party, and someone else shows up wearing the exact same outfit as you, and there's no time to go home and change, does that bother you?
Could you please act out your favorite scene from the Harry Potter movies?
Are you aware that there is a Glen out there, trying to steal your thunder? Are you just gonna let him get away with that, or can we expect some puppet-to-puppet combat?
@pitamuffin I got $100 on Irk
@pitamuffin Irk should stick a sock in it! Team Glen! ;)
No contest - Irks got arms, Glen doesn't. Put me down for $50 on Irk.
Could be close. Glen presumably has a python-like squeeze and devour attack.
@Starblind I feel like Glen has some advantages, those teeth would definitely hurt and he's probably poisonous. I just think Irk would fight dirty and do anything necessary to win.
@JonT Are you kidding ? Those teeth are rot. One chomp and out. Not sure how it would be walking around w/ someone's teeth stuck in your insert body part here though.
@pitamuffin This would be the winner:
Re: You asked for it - Ask Irk!
Dear Irk,
Why would a company introduce a worthy feature claiming consumers "asked for it"?
Shouldn't the sheer popularity for the product make the point moot?
Forever yours,
TheAlmighty1
Dear, @TheAlmighty1. I find your message strange and confusing. I'm frightened. Make it stop. Signed, Anyone Who Can Read.
@marklog Sorry, that wasn't meant as an open letter for any troll to answer. TL;DR (because I'm confusing) - Did anyone ever ask for an Irk Q&A?
@TheAlmighty1 Yes, someone did ask for a troll Q&A. If I could search more than just topic headers I would link it for you. Sorry about that.
@marklog True that. The forums are lacking search-ability... and I appreciate you taking ownership of that this month.
@TheAlmighty1 https://meh.com/forum/topics/could-we-have-a-video-series-where-irk-answers-our-questions
@Thumperchick Gracias
@irk Does the hand and arm that fists you daily ever cheat with anyone else? I mean, it must get curious if other puppets fit better or are easier to work...just thinking out loud here.
Along that line, do you ever ask for the other hand just to change things up a bit? You know...tired of thumb filling your left arm instead of your right arm?
How did you learn to play guitar so well?
IRK, 왜 meh.com의 사람들은 한국 너무 끌리는입니까? 구글은 정말 번역 작동합니까?
@kykazaa google 번역은 작동하는 것 같습니다. 그런데 말투가 조금 귀여워지네요.. ㅋ
@Irk What series should I watch next on Netflix?
@caffeine_dude The Killings
@Thumperchick Thanks! Working 'Mad Men' now. 'The Killing' may be next. https://meh.com/forum/topics/ask-irk-what-should-i-stream-on-netflix
@irk Who would you rather fight: 100 duck sized horses or 5 horse sized ducks?
In the same vein, how many 8-year-olds could you fight until you were overwhelmed/too tired to continue? They would attack you ninja style (one at a time) rather than zombie style (at once)... Although that could be an interesting variable.
So who is Irk going to wake up with his 2 AM micro-wavings? Does he have a family? Does he room with Glen? The people need to know.
Irk,
Help me! I never see the hidden image in those Magic Eye prints. Can you see it?
@jimmyd103 A witch reaching out to grab you..
@jimmyd103 and the witch has cleavage.... LOL
@jimmyd103 It's a SAILBOAT!
@jimmyd103 It's a schooner.
@JonT Ha ha ha.... you dumb bastard, it's not a schooner, it's a sailboat!
@BillLehecka @JonT Its obvious neither of you can actually see the picture. Without a doubt a witch, in a very 'witchy' robe with big round openings in the sleaves, big witches hat, pointy nose, and cleavage, yes cleavage...
@jimmyd103 Oh, there's Waldo!
@fishzine And it's obvious to both myself and @JonT that you've never seen Mallrats. Game, set and match.
@fishzine And what we're referencing...
@BillLehecka Seen it, forgot some people actually consider Mallrats quoteable....
@fishzine Ooooh, sick burn. BTW, that kid is BACK ON THE ESCALATOR!
@fishzine @BillLehecka @JonT You could tell me it was todays lotto numbers and I still wouldn't be able to see it! and +10 for the Mallrats references
@jimmyd103 yes a witch with claw style hands. Here are directions on how to see these things http://www.magiceye.com/faq_example.htm
@Kidsandliz This is just making me queasy.
@jimmyd103 I say it's spinach, and I say the hell with it.
@BillLehecka @jonT OH MY GOD! There is NO sailboat! No schooner either!!! With today's modern devices able to freeze frame and enlarge, I was able to do the Magic Eye in that video, and it's actually just a series of shapes: diamonds, stars, crosses, and balls... How disappointing!!!!
(open image in a new window to see it in full size)
Irk, how big is your overlord's bonfire of burning cash? Would it fit safely in your home fireplace or would it overflow and burn down the house? :-)
Irk, who comforts you during those long cold nights when you're lonely? To whom do you turn for a hug and a "there, there" pat on the back after watching Old Yeller for the 50th time? Is there a Mrs. Irk? Little Irklettes?
How do you feel about people who feel the need to comment on your food. Like the guy in the office who peers over your shoulder and says "So, having some eggs, huh?". Or the person at the coffee shop who leans over to see what you're doing and says "Huh. Like some coffee in your creamer, huh?". You know, all those people who feel the need to make some sort of comment on you and what you're eating.
@Bingo Isn't that why you post what you eat on instagram?
@Bingo Makin' a comment on Meh, huh? Feelin' mad that people are commenting on your food choices, huh?
@JonT Joooooon, the Jonsterrrrrr, makin' commeenntttss. Jonerinoooo, Jon-a-lon-a-ding-dooong...
@Moose Makin' Copies!
@Moose You like-a the juice, the juice is good, yes??
@JonT I quote that all the time and people have ZERO idea what I'm talking about
Does it bother you that different electronic devices have their own special cords for recharging? Why do iPods and Kindles and Bluetooth speakers have different connectors, when they all link to USB?
How do answer people who ask "How are you"? Are you honest, or do you give them the meaningless response "I'm good. How are you"?
The tortoise lays on its back, its belly baking in the hot sun, beating its legs trying to turn itself over. But it can't. Not with out your help. But you're not helping. Why is that?
Will you write me a love song?
@Bingo you better specify whose love and for what or whom or I can guarantee you what will result will not be PG13 (of course even then it might not be PG13 either, but at least it won't be, umm "odd")
@Kidsandliz I thought Irk was generally PG, and was wishing he were a little more sweary. That or I'm totally desensitized to it. Which is highly likely.
@bluedyn it's the innuendo (and not explicit) ...
@Kidsandliz I'll have to give them all a re-listen. I'm must be too prone to innuendo myself to notice.
@bluedyn but I would agree with you, mostly benign as are the other videos they put up… but there could be a first
@Kidsandliz Irk After Dark!
Does it bother you when people keep skipping past that first piece of bread (the one with infinity crust) so that when you go to make a sandwich you're left with an end-end sandwich? >:(
@jsh139 I love those pieces. They make the best toast.
@Bingo Yes! The edges curl up just a little bit when you toast them. Perfect for keeping the butter/jam from slopping over the edge.
@jsh139 Those end pieces help keep the rest of the bread fresh!
@Thumperchick They the real MVP of the loaf
@JonT you might even call it a ROLL PLAYER
@matthew
@matthew
Are you and Glenn an item and if so what would your babies look like?
Maybe it bothers me more than it should but why does every product photo today hide the cord? Is it cordless?
Irk - How do you feel about family stickers on cars?
This is a mom, two sons, three daughters, one dog, two cats, two dogs, and a cat.
@bluedyn I really want to get some red X’s made up to just put on one member randomly.
@Ryaneil I spotted it near my office, so if I see it parked, I could do that to one of the kids -- then take an "after" photo.
@bluedyn It would so make my day! My luck it would turn into some kind of hate crime death threat.
@Ryaneil I do live in Texas, and they don't take kindly to merriment. So I'm better off not trying this. Unless it's a Colorforms X and I can take it off immediately.
@bluedyn I saw one once that had a mom, a space, and two kids. Handwritten with an arrow to the space, this position open, apply within.
@pooflady Classy. :-) I approve of her message.
Hiya Irk- Can you teach me how to carry a tune?
Irk, may I borrow a pen?
The answer to this question was my favorite “Ask Irk” so far!
Irk what is your favorite ice cream flavor?
Irk, are office crushes ok?
Irk, it's now officially Autumn and that leads one to think of upcoming Halloween. How does it make you feel when people dress up as trolls in order to be scary or funny or whatever their reason for Halloween?
Do trolls dress up like people for Halloween ? Who does a better job with costumes ? Should adults of any species be dressing up for Halloween ? Are there exceptions ? Please Irk, don't hold back, tell us how you feel.
Hey, Irk, how do you feel about stereotypes?
Irk,
Why can't I remember how to spell thesaurus? I'll tell you why! It's because chrome always remembers the misspelled version! Is it theasarausus, or thesaurururus? Is there an easier way to visit thesaurus.com, because theasarus.com goes to a cyber squatter.
@Kevin thehsoarus!
I have a philosophical question for you, Irk:
You're next in line at a grocery store and you have a full cart. A person comes up behind you with only one or two items. All the other lanes are closed. Do you let the person go ahead of you with a couple of items, or do you let them wait while the cashier scans all of your bags of chips and jerky?
@BillLehecka I respect the line/queue too much to ask to go ahead of people with my 2-3 items when they have 87 things, but except for the most heartless monsters I usually get the go ahead and I return the courtesy. At the same time you shouldn't be in the normal checkout lanes with your 2-3 things when there are self checkouts and express lanes available. I'd like to see Irk's take on this one.
@JonT I did add "All the other lanes are closed." to my question. I've done enough late night shopping where I've encountered this situation.
@BillLehecka But the question is - do you have ice cream as one of your two or three things - or conversely in the cart with 87 things? Ice cream trumps line order.
I enjoy having a political conversation every now and again. I believe that talking about issues leads to a more enlightened society. Irk, do you like to participate in political dialogues?
Irk, what do you even do?
Irk, why won't you be my friend?
Irk, what is your favorite simple pleasure?
Irk, what is your favorite board or collectable game whose community has died or lost complete interest.
@JazzyJosh You just know it's Tolls 'N' Bridges.
Irk, have you ever been to a bullfight?
@denton Do you like to watch gladiator movies, Timmy?
Office parties and office gift exchanges - love or hate?
Irk, pickles or cucumbers?
@DaveInSoCal Half-sours I imagine... because they're neither pickle, or cucumber. Just sort of... meh.
Irk, when you were in prison did you ever have to shank anyone with a sharpened toothbrush handle?
Irk, why is everyone so fucking annoying?
Has @JonT ever tried to lick you?
Irk, does it bother you when people don't use their turn signals? This drives me crazy, especially when they cut right in front of me. I mean, how hard is it to hit the freaking lever?
-A Bitter Woman
Irk, what are your feelings on monocles? In your last few videos, it really looks like you have one on.
Irk, Is 3D printing overrated?
Irk, why is your one sleeve longer than the other?
Do you have any fetishes? Such as, an unnatural love of goats or some other livestock?
Will you be wearing some sort of costume for halloween this year and if so, what are you going to be?
Irk, what is the meaning of life?
Irk, I think that Pynchon's "Against The Day" is every bit as good - if not better - than what-is-widely-considered-to-be-his-seminal-work, "Gravity's Rainbow". Most people I know disagree. What do you think?
Irk, do you need a hug? You seem kinda bitter and cynical and I'm pretty sure I hear a cry for help in your voice. There there, little guy, we love you.
Irk, do trolls have differentiated sexual organs? If so, are you male or female? I honestly can't be sure and don't want to assume.
@joelmw
@JonT I know, right?
Irk! Coke or Pepsi?
Dear Irk,
What is your opinion about free will? Sometimes I feel like there is an outside entity controlling my every move and that I am not in control of my destiny. It feels like I make choices, but deep down I know only only choose and endorse my own choices as a direct consequence of the environment and situations I have experienced in the past. Do we have free will? Are we merely puppets of circumstance? Is it enough that I feel like I am freely making a choice, or does there have to be an actual possibility of differing outcomes based on some core of primordial volition for free will to be exist?
Thanks for the insight.
Irk: my mother wants to know where people are dressing up for Halloween as Carmen Miranda and various flavors of Shmoo. I'm not saying she thinks you went to grammar school together, but she did say that Carmen Miranda was one of her favorite childhood Halloween costumes and she was also a big Li'l Abner fan (as all right-thinking people are). Wherever this magical land of Shmoo costumes is, we would probably like to go there next year.
@mossygreen
@jsh139 Heh. All that's missing is some clip-on earrings....
Irk, do you eat the pudding skin?
@darksaber99999 OMG, who doesn't???
@darksaber99999 better question, does he eat pumpkin seeds with or without the shell. For me - full shell all the way, doing it any differently is wrong.
@darksaber99999 Who makes stove-top pudding anymore? That stuff comes pre-made with no skin, you know.
@medz But the skin is the best part!
@JonT Pumpkin seeds - we don't need that scum!
What's with the proliferation of Click-Bait Headlines over the past year or so? You know, the "Top Ten Things To Do In Texas. #6 Changed My Life!" stuff. It's so annoying.
@Bingo I'll take this one - what's with them is that they work. More clicks = more ad revenue = more click-bait.
@Bingo #6 was a fantastic tip, life changing!
@JonT Yeah I get the money behind it all, it just makes the sites look cheap and dumb. I don't take any site seriously once I see those. Maybe other people still do.
@Bingo @JonT People complain about negative political ads too, but they work too. But I agree with you, @Bingo.
@Bingo ANSWERED! https://meh.com/forum/topics/ask-irk-clickbait-headlines
Is there a God? If so, why are people so fucked up?
Which came first, Irk, meh or the speaker dock? I am of course interested in your sage observations and insightful reflection on every (even the most silly and/or pedestrian) aspect of that ontological inquiry, but what I particularly want to know, from your position as an insider, is whether @snapster was just sitting on a stockpile of speaker docks and had the epiphany to unload them all on unsuspecting saps like us under the guise of "ecommerce" or whether he actually had the mediocre "let's do another goddamned Woot!" "idea" first and then--God knows why--started picking up the docks.
Moreover I'm curious, either way, how and why he acquired so many of them. Did he win them in a poker game? Did he lose a bet? Is thIs some horrible practical joke (or dare) from Bezos? Damnit, I'm sure somehow that Bezos is involved. Maybe this is all a crazy game that rich people play: "Hey, Bezos, I bet I can get them to keep buying speaker docks." "Ha, Rutledge, you're one crazy motherfucker. But watch me do something equally crazy." (I'm sorry, Irk, I can't think of anything that crazy, but I'm sure Jeffers can.) Perhaps--and, ooh, this'd be a little creepy--perhaps this is a DARPA or NIH experiment. Am I a lab rat, Irk? Am I?!?!
I don't know, Irk. I just wonder. It's around 4 AM where I am. That's what one does at this hour.
@joelmw Bezos' crazy idea was that they are opening another B&M store.
@joelmw Perhaps Snapster was only allowed to leave if he agreed to take all of the unsold speaker docks in the Amazon warehouses.
@rockblossom Really, that makes way too much sense.
@joelmw
Meh came first, i think. Pretty sure Napoleon has some serious "meh" while on St Helena, and he was likely late to the party.
Speaker docks came next. Once there was a sufficient confluence of speaker docks in Carrollton, the close proximity of these docks with an incorporated version of "meh" (named with some kinda goddam fancy-schmancy phrase) pulled lrk from the void of unexpressed probability into the here and now.
CERN is the normal location for this sort of research.
The fancy-named incorporated version of "meh" seems to have a credibilty problem in academia. No Noble Prize in Physics whispers yet.
What's your take on the human condition, Irk? Are we all basically good or ultimately evil? Or--as I suspect--what does your version of "a little of both" look like exactly? Irk, I'm tired of people using that as if it's an answer. It's the start of an answer, sure, but it tells us nothing that all of us--save the most hopelessly moronic--didn't already know. Don't tease me, Irk. It's too early in the morning for a tease.
What do you think about Mars One? Some of my colleagues think it's a stupid idea. I think it's awesome and that exploring is just one of the things we humans do. But what do you think?
Do I ask too many questions, Irk? I mean generally and specifically: Do I actually ask too many questions? And do my questions annoy you?
@joelmw Probably more than they should.
Oh, ceagee. ceagee, ceagee, ceagee...
Think Meh will ever come out with a plush version of you? I mean, who wouldn't want to cuddle you at night.
@conandlibrarian Me.
@barnabee @conandlibrarian Haters gonna hate.
@joelmw Aww, I'm a lover not a hater. It's just that I'm allergic to trolls.
@barnabee I'll take your word for it. It's just that some of us find Irk so darned irresistible that it's hard for us to imagine that anyone else might not.
@conandlibrarian I am still waiting for my ultra-cuddly Irk.
My dearest Irk, what are your thoughts on Election Day? Does voting matter? Should I vote on Election Day?
Irk:
I've got two pair, but sixes and fours. The only other guy in the hand seems to be representing a set or maybe a higher two pair. But he's been known to bluff. Sometimes he has it, though. After the turn, he bets about 2 1/2 times the big blind. Do I call, raise, or fold?
Also, poker's a sport and I'm an athlete, right? I mean, ESPN shows it. That makes it a sport!
Do you have a girlfriend?
Why do you not interact with any other meh.com staffers? Are you actually a customer like myself who they randomly record talking/singing to yourself?
Would you consider doing product reviews? If so, it would be awesome if you could tell us what bothers you most about the products that meh.com sells.
@chellemonkey I really like this idea.
@chellemonkey Meh Unboxings by Irk - Fubukuburo unboxings would be entirely censored.
If meh.com wanted to sell action figures/plush toys based off of you, would you charge them or would your employment contract negate any additional compensation? If you could charge them how much would you agree to? Would it be a flat fee or percentage of sales?
P.S. I would totally buy one.
I have destructive little red squirrels in my ceiling crawlspace. They don't even pay rent. They taunt my cats.
How can I evict them ?
Just to be clear: I don't want to kill them. I just want them to move out.
Thanks Irk. I don't want to shed blood.
@ceagee Oh ceagee. Ceagee, ceagee, ceagee... maybe this will help? http://www.wikihow.com/Get-Rid-of-Squirrels-in-the-Attic
@JonT Thanks for the article. It's very very hard to access this crawl space. I have looked outside for how they are getting in. I didn't think they could get in a vent w/ such small holes. I'll have to check that out again. Otherwise they are getting up under the siding and there is a hidden way in behind it. If there wasn't insulation up there that would hurt the cats, I'd just open it up give them a go at it.
Do the imprints in your upper lip hurt? I'm referring to the ones made from your bottom teeth. You should consider a medicated moisturizer for the dry and cold winter months.
Real simple question. Do you prefer toilet paper to dispense from the top or bottom of the roll? And what would you say to those who disagree with your preference?
@distractedriver This is not a preference.
To follow up with a similar question, do you prefer the mobile version of web sites or the full version and what would you say to those who disagree with your preference?
Okay, be truthful now.. What planet are you [really] from..?
Irk, Why?
Hey, Irk, some people like candy corn. What's wrong with them. Just kidding, Irk. They can like candy corn. But why do some of the same people hate Necco Wafers, which are clearly superior? Why, Irk, why?
@joelmw Because these people are, themselves, clearly superior.
Mmmmmm, I do-on't know-ww. He looks like one of those puppets that insults me to make children laugh. I don't like it when there's tears in my milk or when my dinner tastes like sad.
Oh. No. It's time to ask Irk a question...
I could go with "Just what is the question to the answer to Life, the Universe, and Everything, and why the HECK was the answer 42 in the first place?"
But.. no. That's just too much work.
So, in the spirit of 'meh'...
Why is it "Mac 'n Cheese" and not "Mac WITH Cheese" or "Cheese on Mac" or "Cheese food product on noodles?"
Dear Irk,
How many daily deals are too many daily deals on one daily deals website? (The founders of Meh.com might have some experience in this situation, so you might want to consult with them.)
My Dear Friend Irk,
Last week I went to the store to pick up a thing to wrap my garden hose up for the season. I walked into the large garden section of the store and it was all Christmas stuff. My jaw dropped, my mouth hung open. The smell of cinnamon and mistletoe candles made me want to hurl.
This was a day or two before Halloween !! I can't believe it's started already.
Oh Irk, my old friend, you helped me once before with a holiday question. Please help me again in my hour of need. I know it's kind of selfish for me to ask you another question and expect you to answer it but..... Please tell me : how can I keep from imploding ? How can I ever get holly in my heart during the Christmas holidays after this shock ? How Irk, how ? I fear that I am headed toward grinchdom.
Warmest regards,
ceagee, ceagee, ceagee
Why do my married people constantly complain about their spouses and then insist that single people should be dating more?
@iluvmingos Not all married people do that.
@iluvmingos ANSWERED! https://meh.com/forum/topics/ask-irk-bickering-spouses
Does the idea of a fat "jolly" man dressed in a red velvet suite sneaking into your domicile under the cover of night to eat your cookies and drink your milk, weird you out a little? Or is just me?
@jimmyd103 Maybe it bothers you more than it should.
@barnabee Was my question a twofer?
@jimmyd103 Maybe I like it... more than I should.
@Thumperchick :)
CHEESE?
Irk, how do you feel about Thanksgiving getting crowded out by Christmas sales, and other such post-Thanksgiving stuff?
Is it permissible to wear a band's t-shirt at their own concert?
@denton I'd like an answer on this one as well.
I'm no Irk but I say if it's a reunion concert it's fine otherwise wear a shirt of a different band in the same genre to show you're super cool...if no other band shirts then a Meh shirt will do.
Dear Irk,
What are the rest of the lyrics to 'O ceagee'?
Http://youtu.be/wU4AK_0Pn-U
@nadroj There's a song ?
If e does indeed equal mc squared, then what is the energy potential of a meh t-shirt?
@parodymandotcom Nice.
Ok, someone has to ask it: What is the best way to cheat at dice?
@AltairDusk Meh only deals with totally NOT rigged games of chance.
Hey Irk! Are you a dog or a cat person?
Irk, would you like to see a dessert menu this evening?
Irk, may I borrow your phone for a short call? I'm running low on minutes. Oh, and, can you please let me know when it is 10 minutes before ten, please? I'm not wearing a watch and I have a 10:00 meeting. Thanks so much.
Irk, do you like this?
enter link description here
Quick, Irk, I have a first date tonight! Do you have any advice?
Football - yes or no?
Hey Irk. Is a picture really worth a thousand words?
Do you use Salesforce to manage Ask Irk questions? What is your Ask Irk Object Workflow (AIOW)?
What do you think of the War on [insert holiday here]?
Does it bother you when words are so misused the poor usage becomes formally defined in the Webster dictionary?
Irk,
How do you feel about the whole Black Friday thing?
Irk - What's your favorite pizza toppings? Do you like them on a thin New York style crust, or that weirdly thick Chicago pan pizza style?
Irk, what are your thoughts on sports rivalries?
Irk, what is your take on people who embed themselves in a public demonstration just to cause havoc and destruction? I don't understand people who feel the need to loot a Beauty World.
Irk, do you wear pants?
Irk, WTF man? Seriously.
Irk, how do you not let the overwhelming celebrity of simply being Irk go to your head? I mean you get to go on rants about what bothers you, pick who's questions to and not to answer, and even rock some karaoke all while we watch in awe of your mystery. Gotta be pretty overwhelming, no?
Irk, DID YOU ORDER THE CODE RED?
@darksaber99999 - Do you want the truth?
@KDemo I want the truth!
@darksaber99999 - I hope Irk tells you. ;-)
@darksaber99999 YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!!!
I like purple.
Irk.
At first I wanted to know what you thought about dental floss that breaks or when you just don't meter out enough, but then I figured out how insensitive that would be. So what I want to know is why does medical science pick the worst possible names for conditions? Sesquipedalophobia, rhotacism, lisp.
Hey Irk, is there anything that irks you, or are you just too mehlow ?
Oh hello, Irk!
I was wondering, what would be a good question to ask you?
Love,
Curtise
Hello "Irk".
For the past few months, I've received numerous phone calls from creditors, telling me I'm behind on my payments. Apparently, I've signed up for a few credit cards and ran up the balances when I subscribed to numerous adult websites and magazines. I must have been in some sort of drunken state, as I don't recall any of this.
No matter how much I tried, I couldn't convince any of them that I didn't sign up for Troll Dolls of Summer and Bitter People Anonymous. It wouldn't even bother me so much if I had at least gotten the magazines in the first place. However, after some digging, I've apparently purchased cars and signed rental agreements in the DFW area of Texas. TEXAS!? I live in New Zealand!
It became clear to me that someone had stolen my identity. Now, my bridge has been repossessed, and I've lost my job. Those goats are just walking back and forth all day. Extradition laws from the US are sketchy at best, so there's not much I can do at this point to get my life back, but I just had one question:
Will you promise to make a better life for me than I did for yourself?
Irk -
What's the deal with mega-buffets? I see more and more restaurants putting out buffets with 400 and 500 or more items. Is it just me or is that gross? How can they possibly keep that much food fresh? How do they keep people from poking at the food or whatever? Isn't it wasting a lot of food?
What is the origin of your name?
@lisaviolet it was the product of identity theft
@Irk
Why do some people send every email marked as Urgent? It's so completely annoying!
Do you prefer regular dental floss our mint flavored?
Color, or colour? Flavored or flavoured?
@DaveInSoCal - Tomato or tomato?
What does ASAP actually mean, in terms of real time? I know that it supposedly translates to "as soon as possible," but "as soon as possible" effectively means whatever either the listener or speaker wants it to mean, so it essentially means everything and therefore, nothing. What is ASAP and why do people say it?
@joelmw But all statements effectively mean whatever the listener or speaker want them to mean.
@editorkid Poorly worded on my part. And I'm not sure that I'm capable of quickly properly wording it. Let's just say that the degree of uncertainty and incongruity between intention and expectation is well beyond acceptable tolerances (I told you I wasn't likely to say it any better).
@joelmw Yeah, I was just yanking your chain to welcome you back. Anyway, I take ASAP to mean "Between the two of us, you're the one who probably won't be fired if this is late," or "I know this probably isn't a priority for you, but I want to get this out of my sight." But facial and body language and context can soften or intensify that.
@joelmw If I see ASAP, I take it mean the speaker fucked up and didn't make their request in a timely manner and is now expecting my to save their baconage. Depending my mood, and their place in the hierarchy of 'people I give a shit about or who keep me employed' my response ranges from drop everything to reply within the hour to making up other needless shit to do before even reviewing the requirements.
@editorkid Mavyn What you guys said. Thankfully I don't have bosses that use that horrid phrase. I do have a couple of people who think they're my boss who do.
Is the 12 Days of Christmas the most awful Christmas song that exists?
Which one could possibly be worse?
@zachdecker Feliz Navidad
@zachdecker The Little Drummer Boy. I'll take your pa-rum-pa-pum-pum and give you rat-a-tat-tat-tat.
@zachdecker "Deck the Halls" - fa la la la la, la la la la
@rockblossom Not the version we sung in grade school, though. Deck the halls with gasoline, fa la la la la, la la la la. Light a match and watch it gleam, fa la la la la, la la la la. Watch the school burn down to ashes, fa la la la la, la la la la. Aren't you glad you played with matches, fa la la la la, la la la la.
Irk, you looked pretty dirty in your last video - has @jont been using you as a dust mop?
@kc5rbq @JonT Is that what the kids are calling it these days?
Irk, are you making a New Year Resolution for 2015 and can you tell us some of your past resolutions?
@jimmyd103 New Year's Resolutions probably bother me more than they should.
Irk, why haven't you answered any of my questions? :'(
Irk, what are your thoughts on Secret Santas? Do you appreciate them? Do you stick to the price limit? Should they be avoided at all costs? Why isn't anyone my Secret Santa? Thanks for your time.
Irk, for the December 24th daily video, would you please read @Kidsandliz 's semi-original X-Meh poem?
@bluedog
@lisaviolet You don't like my idea?
@bluedog I do like your idea. That's the kids on the night before Christmas. Like the commercial says "too excited to sleep!"
@lisaviolet Whew, okay. I thought you were beating me over the head with a pillow via .gif.
@bluedog Nah, it's the kids. Oh, and posting this I remembered I made some buttons in Disney font that say "I'm too excited to sleep!" that I handed out on the first Disneyland 24 hour thing last leap year. (Will never, ever, ever do one of those things again!) I have some left over, Mehrican Exchange! Yes!
I love purple?
@Barney i am probibly late??, but welcome bak,!
@silverqueen I love purple.
@Barney Maybe Iowa Gold...
@djames85 I love purple.
I saw the ? and had to ask - anyway, Irk - what is in your pockets?
Hey irk what is your favorite or least favorite Christmas movie?
Does it bother you more than it should when people use the term "wussification?" For example "Joe complaining about getting punched in the face is just another example of the wussifcation of America."
Irk,
Does it bother you that Peter Pan (a lost boy) is always played by a woman? Thanks!
@Rachel123 My wife and I were discussing this recently. I don't understand why. There are a lot of feminine men out there that are more than capable of playing the part.
@capguncowboy I was discussing it with my wife too when we watched Peter Pan Live
Irk,
Does it bother you when people call snowmen a "Christmas decoration"? They are in their natural (unaided by actual Christmas symbols) merely symbols of winter for myself, but come January each year, I am questioned by guests if I "forgot to take down some of my Christmas décor". Am I missing something? Thanks!
@Rachel123 Oh, that is weird. My Winter/Snowman décor is different from, and stays up months longer than my Christmas décor.
Irk, is there anything that bothers you less than it should?
@kadagan I vote for this question. I hope that doesn't hurt your chances of getting it answered.
@joelmw Thanks!
How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop?
Scientifically speaking.. What is the best color?
@kadagan Purple.
Irk, how horrible was Christopher Walken as Captain Hook? Was he drunk, or just too old to walk?
@kadagan Q: What's the opposite of Christopher Walken? A: Christopher Reeves
Do that Santa at the mall creep you out as much as he does me? Would you let your kid sit on his lap?
@rockblossom "Does that Santa" - an "es" went missing somewhere. Probably stolen by that creepy Santa.
@rockblossom This mall Santa is kinda cool (start around 1:30 if you don't want to watch the whole thing)
@Kleineleh @rockblossom Idunno, I kinda like this guy. Not that I'd want anyone I like sitting on his lap.
Irk, if you had the chance - which Muppet™?
@darksaber99999 the only correct answer (assuming Irk is straight) is Miss Piggy.
@Headly @darksaber99999 With lips like these I'm thinking he'd prefer Janice.
Irk, what's the deal with folks who don't flush in public restrooms?
Dear Irk,
Are trolls frequently asked to fill the shoes of elves this time of year? I imagine it's hard to find time during the Christmas holiday season to take a break from making toys for girls and boys to appear in any Christmas TV specials.
Dearest Irk,
Why do some people insist on cooking hot dogs by sticking them in a pot of boiling water? I mean, everyone has a microwave which is like 50 times faster than waiting for water to boil. They don't even taste any better. If you're going to use the stove, why not fry them up in a skillet? Am I missing something?
@medz Yes - if you cook them in a microwave too long they end up 2" long. Blame my daughter for how I know that… They also melt holes in plastic plates when you do that too… Blame her for that as well.
@medz my wife and I get the water boiling, then drop a metal colander in just so it doesn't touch the water. Throw in the hotdogs, put a pot lid on it and steam them weenies. A hot steamed weenie is the way to go.
@capguncowboy we steam veggies in the microwave. Probably could do dogs too in no time flat.
Irk, how do you feel about the government's ban on some incandescent light bulbs?
@rarps Only inefficient incandescent bulbs are banned.
@medz Can you give me an example of an efficient incandescent light bulb? They're all inefficient, and the energy spent creating heat is proportional to the light output. So a higher wattage bulb might generate more heat, but it also generates more light. I wouldn't say that makes it any less efficient than a given lower wattage one. It also doesn't answer the question of how Irk feels about the situation. :)
@rarps I agree that creating light by heating an element so hot that it glows is inefficient. I'm just saying the ban only applies to the most inefficient bulbs.
@medz But if each bulb uses the same percentage of the total wattage to create heat, how is a higher wattage bulb any less efficient than a lower one? 75% waste is still 75% waste wether it's out of 100 watts or 25.
@rarps not all about watts. Some are like hybrid bulbs that heat a pocket of gas up which creates light. Less wasted heat.
@medz Well those will be banned too if they can't get the efficiency up by 2020. Either way, it still fits into the original question of 'some'. It also doesn't answer the question of how Irk feels about it.
@rarps Not sure how you edited your original post to include "some". It's not possible that I overlooked it... (but I probably did)
Hey, buddy, do you know your MBTI/Keirsey personality type? What do you think about those things anyway? I hate personality typing systems generally, but the MBTI gets me. I'm an INFP, by the way. I think it helps to know where someone is coming from and to recognize that we have different motivations and pleasure and pain centers. We need each other, man (I mean we all need one another, not that you and I particularly need each other; sheesh, Irk, we don't even know each other that well; for instance, I don't even know what your fucking MBTI type is).
Kirk or Picard?
@Headly
@Pavlov
@lisabo B........................ S
@Pavlov Kirk was the Captain that was needed in the 60's .... and did well in the 70's in reruns... Picard was the Captain that we didn't know we wanted...but we needed
boxers or Briefs? EA or Ubisoft? Simpsons or Family guy?
@communist boxer-briefs, neither, both.
How do you feel about people who don't wash their hands after using the restroom? They upset me very much. To date I have not accosted any of them. Do you think I should? Do you have a suggestion for how we could deal with these disgusting, disease-spreading individuals?
@joelmw Put black lights, or some other urine/fecal matter detecting device in the hallway exiting the bathroom. Their shame will light up like an abstract painting.
@Thumperchick
@Thumperchick I'd like to get Irk's response to your suggestion (in addition to the main). Has he ever done a two-parter like that?
@joelmw I"ve always thought those "employees must wash hands" signs more or less implied that customers may remain filthy.
@margot That's funny. Though slightly less so given the fact that there are folks out there who actually believe that.
Irk, my friend, what's your take on the whole meh scapegoat thing? I'm currently burdened with its great weight. But perhaps I take it too seriously. Is goathood merely a curse or is it somehow (albeit, sickly, masochistically, I'd imagine) an honor? Other than taking blame--which, let's face it, can be done passively--what must a meh goat do? Does a goat have to say anything or just be? Does a goat have specific responsibilities to the meh community? What, pray tell, are they? Do you have suggestions, Irk? You look like a goat. Has anyone ever told you that? Of all the creatures of the meh kingdom (who aren't already goats), you seem most goat-like to me. I mean that as a compliment, of course. I beseech you, bestow your wisdom upon me . . . and future goats. Indeed, have you words of wisdom for old goats (by which I mean the ex goats)? Do tell. This is the Year of the Goat, Irk, we don't want to fuck it up.
What are your thoughts on insuring body parts? Like a super model having a million dollar insurance policy on her legs. Or perhaps the voice talent for a mediocre online retailer insuring his vocal cords.
How do you feel about the fact that as of a couple of months ago, there are no more Saturday Morning Cartoons being showed on broadcast tv?
Yo, Irk. is Meh a sketch comedy site that sells stuff, or a stuff-selling site that does sketch comedy? And either way, hire some of the former Kids in the Hall guys. They need work.
Irk,
How much are you paid???
Irk,
Who is the greatest game show host of all time?
Irk, what is your take on the forum complaints about items that sell out quickly?
@medz and, as a follow up: What is your take on complaints about the complainers?
@Thumperchick @medz What we really wanna know is what you think about the folks who complain about the complaints about the complainers.
Irk,
What's in the box?
Can I have a special button that denotes I survived The Great Meh Coast War of 2015?
Irk, What are your feelings towards Meatloaf?
@jimmyd103 food or entertainer?
@Thumperchick Meatloaf eating meatloaf
@Thumperchick Or there's the Rocky Horror Picture Show answer: both.
ok, Irk. Project for ya. Explain to the world why they need to stop saying, "it is, what it is." I hope I don't have to explain why.
@Gimbap you don't have to explain it because...it is what it is is what it is.
Irk, how can I get a job at Meh.com? Don't they need someone to run errands and write emails and make coffee and do their laundry?
@HELLOALICE Chill Irk, I'll take this one. Go here
@JonT I keep an eye on that, but it's all smart computery stuff. :( I'm going to dry my tears with my useless Fine Arts degree.
@HELLOALICE what up, BFAs in da houuuuse
@matthew hollaa--wait!! You work here?!?!?! You have a job?! What sorcery is that?!
I answered a listing for a "humiliation ninja"
@JonT If that doesn't work, you just show up and throw resume paper airplanes at mediocre HQ until it does work, right?
@matthew Did you really? Does this involve being a ninja who humiliate people, or a ninja who is humiliated? I could do both. Not the ninja part, though.
@Thumperchick If I design a paper airplane that goes from NY to Dallas, I deserve a job.
Irk's a jerk... I have been wanting a charging device and cannot believe they are not sold out. But I think I will pass. I wouldnt want something the CA people won't buy out...
@packer Ha! I was thinking the same thing... Like the Woody Allen line, "I wouldn't want to be part of any club that would have me as a member."
Irk,
What are your thoughts on award shows? Does anyone really care? As an aside, what about red carpet shows? Do you really care "Who wore what best?"
Hey Irk, first time/long time. I was wondering if there will ever be a meh-off, or a fuk-off or a meh-athon (those last two I took from another forum page)..
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@RogerWilco Doesn't your first choice taste like chicken anyway?
Irk, why are the Kardashians famous?
Irk, I enjoy singing to myself. But i have a terrible voice. Does it bother you when a stranger out in public shares their personal karaoke? I would really like to sing to myself and help my 45 minute commute to work go faster.
How do I rank up to The Global Elite?
I have a newborn, so I have to ask for your advice.
Is it okay to tell your child that fictional characters (ie Santa Claus, Easter Bunny, Boba Fett) are real? Or is it wrong to start their life with a massive lie, complete with coverups involving milk and cookies?
You should explain who St Nicholas really was, and that the stuff the bunnies leave in the yard isn’t real chocolate.
Irk, what would you think about some kind of profile page, where people could share a little bit about themselves if they so desired? Like what their favorite color or colour was, or if they they were scared of tornados and such.
@smoo99 You're already free to share your favorite color any time anyone mentions any color… Y'know, like yellow.
@brhfl Purple?
@brhfl As if my favorite color would be yellow. As if I have a favorite color. Although purple would beat yellow any day (and please Barney).
@smoo99 Hey now, I just needed a random color to invoke The Purple One. Purple does beat yellow any day (though pink is more my bag…).
I love purple.
Dear, Irk....
No that's to formal.
IRK!
No, to urgent...
Irk-
How do you deal with people that smell?
For example in retail establishments when you have to walk past that smelly guy that may have just bathed in an ash tray. What about the person at the convention that doesn't understand what deodorant is or the teenager going on a date that thinks a bottle of axe body spray is a good alternative to bathing.
If you could create your own holiday, what would it be for or about?
Dear Irk,
My girlfriend likes putting potato chips on her pizza. I guess it makes it crunchy or something. What do you think the reason behind this odd behavior (or behaviour) is?
Have you ever kissed a girl?
If you could be a tree, what kind of tree would you be?
Irk would you ever consider modelling on the Price is Right? They are currently advertising a "Male Model Search" Plus Drew Carey is an entertaining guy and all and probably fun to work along side. The female models aren't too shabby either.
Irk: What's up with TV commercials that say "hashtag this" and "hashtag that?" Do they know how stupid they sound? Like these people are something other than 79-something geezers who were born before like paper was invented and are wearing 3-piece suits with vests and pocket watches but they want us to think they're cool in hoodies but we all know they're not. Most of these people probably think that hashtag is something unsavory they find in their breakfast meat.
Who is going to win the big game on Sunday?
Hi Irk!
So just curious, what DOESN'T bother you?
What common "pet peeves" do people have that you think are ridiculous?
@Thumperchick Yeah, what pet peve peeves you.
Have you ever been thrown in the washer/dryer and if so what was it like?
Dearest Irk,
What is your favorite thing to put on your face? I like to steam up a spoon and stick it on my nose, what fun! But I don't know if that would work on your nose, or if you own any spoons, or if you simply have something else you'd recommend putting on your face.
The other night, the wife and kids were out shopping. So I did what a lot of people do when the have the house to themselves -- watch old shows on TV while configuring a router. In this case, it was the George Reeves Superman program. I remember having this same question when I watched the show as a kid: why does Superman look like my grandfather?
Irk, it bothers me when people use the word 'literally' for emphasis, such as someone saying, "My head literally exploded when I heard the news"? It makes me think to myself, "How is this person still alive to tell me about this experience?" Oh! I get it, they didn't literally mean literally. What do you think about people using words that mean the exact opposite of what they are saying?
@billymayfield I love this question.
@editorkid literally love? or figuratively?
@billymayfield http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/literally see definition 2. They literally meant literally.
@walarney shhh, leave something for Irk to maybe (but probably not) talk about!
@walarney All you've done is demonstrate that people did this stupid thing long enough that it became standard. That doesn't really answer @billymayfield's question, which--I agree with @editorkid-- is much to be loved. And it doesn't make this use of "literally" any less stupid, nonsensical, destructive or annoying. If anything, that our dictionaries are now infected with this bullshit makes it even more annoying.
@joelmw I am literally not responsible for what they put in a dictionary. And it annoys me, too, that they've made the word logically meaningless. On the other hand, I'm pretty sure doing things long enough is how most words got into a dictionary.
Anyhow, this was supposed to provoke a comment from Irk. I've said too much...
@walarney As long as we're agreed that it's annoying and that they've rendered the word meaningless. I like your response better now.
@walarney Great, now I'm losing my religion.
@joelmw Y'know, if you juxtapose my reply against the last line of the comment... well, I'm just saying maybe there's more ambiguity there than I apparently ended up conveying.
@editorkid I think I see what you did there. You love this question. But do you mean that ambiguously or more purely sarcastically? Yes, it's a sickness. I mean what I'm doing here, maybe what you're doing here.
Has Anyone Really Been Far Even as Decided to Use Even Go Want to do Look More Like?
@zonedabone You've got to be kidding me. I've been further even more decided to use even go need to do look more as anyone can. Can you really be far even as decided half as much to use go wish for that?
Irk:
How do I respond to my wife when she says, "Stop buying crap from that meh site!"?
In anticipation of your answer, thank you.
Dear Irrk, what do I ddo wiithh a kebbooardd that types llikee thiiss? Doo II have a ffuturee in ccpyywriittitnng? Or do II perhapss jusstt ggo wwiith it and start wwriitting epiic poeettry tthat peopllee cann imagginnee iss bbeiingg reaad byy Gollum andd Yoda's llovee childd. Hmmm, cchhooices I have.
@andipandi The penultimate sentence and its imagined offspring made the final sentence awesome.
Irk, I'm sitting at my desk, looking out the window, and although it's dark outside I can see that the snow has not let up after 10 consecutive hours. Why do I live in such a stupid climate?
Irk, my wife & I had our first child in September, and now I'm being told I can't do all the things I love (e.g. go to Gencon for the full 5 days in August or go on extended fishing or Vegas trips with my friends.) Any advice to help her see reason?
@march5th00 Sorry...http://gawker.com/studies-confirm-kids-ruin-your-life-1501803893
Damn it @JonT where was this information about a year and a half ago! Had i known that this parasite literally thrived on the misery and sacrifice of its hosts i would have made DIFFERENT LIFE DECISIONS.
@march5th00 you had your first child in September also? Our son was born Sept. 15th.
@sohmageek yep! September 23rd! There's a photo of Samuel around here somewhere in a "meh" shirt lol. Hope things are going well for you all!
@march5th00 things are. He just started saying dada dada again. He said it a few times in February then stopped. I haven't put any photos out of Raylan. But he LOVES Irk. I have a video of him watching the Irk raps video laughing all the way.
@sohmageek get him watching kidfoot!
Irk, I came to Meh searching for personal fulfillment and self-actualization. Now I've been sucked into the black hole of posting here. How do I break the bonds of Meh?
Irk: Pie or cake?
@BillLehecka
http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2010/03/pie-verus-cake-scientific-approach.html
@BillLehecka @JonT why choose between the two?
IRK: How do you feel about whiners? You know the ones that could have just won the lottery and now all they want to do is complain about all the taxes they are paying.
Irk,
As a Troll, how do you feel about the Friday announcement by @JonT and will it affect your participation in this forum?
I think @Irk is mighty upset at the asshats involved in @JonT's (forced?) "announcement"
Irk, will you ever find true love?
Irk,
How can I educate a coworker that nuking a tuna entree or any fish for that matter, in the (open) office microwave is inconsiderate, gag-inducing, and flat-out gross?
Signed,
I lost my appetite aka jimmyd103
@jimmyd103 I believe it's pronounced jimmyDUH103.
@jimmyd103 @marklog I'm leaning toward "jim-mei-duh-ten-three."
Irk,
Are you offended by the word 'trolling?' It appears you have nothing but sage advice to offer your internet denizens while us humans continue to post inane nonsense. Wouldn't it make more sense to call it 'humaning?'
Irk, my best friend HATES it when people state the obvious. How am I suppose to tell her that she is the most beautiful girl in the world?
Are there any words that people say that make you want to get a stick and poke them in the eye with it?
For example "anyways". Or using "basically" more than once in a conversation. Is there any word or phrase that really annoys you?
@lisaviolet Like, you know?
@dashcloud Yes!
Irk: How do you feel about moderated forums?
Irk,
My son loves you. Can he get your autograph?
Irk,
Have you ever googled a question and couldn't find the answer? Also, unrelated, Do 'the damned millenials' have it too easy? If you associate yourself as said millenial, do you have it to hard, you whiny baby?
Dear Irk,
Do we ever grow up, or do we just grow older?
Sincerely,
Ivan Petrovich Pavlov
@Pavlov Irk has been conditioned not to answer questions like that
Oh, Irk! Is your name, by chance, short for another thing? Irkwin? Stuirk? Irkel?
Irk,
Why is the temperature so freekin' cold outside today?
Your pal,
jimmyd103
Irk, how annoyed are you when you miss a semicolon?
@lakridserne Probably less annoyed than he would be if the semicolon hit him
Another Irk video....my kids love Irk
@tightwad My son does too... :) I hope people ask more questions he answers... :)
Irk - I see a lot of people complaining about thing related to where they live...the weather, Uber availability, laws for/against things, job opportunities...the list goes on and on. Do you ever wonder why those people don't move somewhere that is more suited to their needs? Why are they staying in the same place they apparently hate?
@tightwad Here's some non-Irk answers for you:
http://www.washingtonpost.com/news/storyline/wp/2014/09/30/why-dont-people-move-for-better-opportunities/
http://www.slate.com/blogs/moneybox/2013/05/11/declining_american_mobility_an_ongoing_mystery.html
Fucking Trigger Warnings.
Dear Irk,
Why do people argue so much on the internet?
-MrGlass
Irk,
What's the most fun thing about trolling?
I'm going for the 2 for (and it's not a Tuesday)
What kind of people do you like Trolling the most?
Me personally I love to troll self proclaimed trolls.
Dearest Irk,
What is your gender? Where are you from?
Love,
Irishbyblood
Kirk or Picard?
@WilhelmScreamer How can you not put Janeway on that list?!?
@Thumperchick Janeway didn't captain the enterprise... Which is also why Sisko didn't make it. Although Archer did...
Irk, what other features that you don't want implemented? We heard your view on profiles.
Not limited to but I'd like to hear your thoughts on, Private messages, pagination, Text alerts, an/or Purchasing the entire state of Texas and renaming it to the mother land of Meh, or something just as mediocre, declaring yourself as dictator and optimizing the whole buying process to automatically ship items before we've ordered them, but have proven that we will buy them before they arrive... That or setting up small distribution hubs throughout the country, perhaps along side of Netflix dvd distribution centers and making an employee/space distribution network that will ultimately save you on time/money.
How many monkeys live by the sea?
Is it always "Bro's before Ho's?". Because, my best bud's sister is HOT. And lately she's been coming onto me.
Hard.
Help?
I really want irk to answer this one. Not only will he share his wisdom. But I wonder how he's going to miss-pronounce the username :p
@sohmageek If ever there was a question for the ages . . . I agree - I too really would like to hear Irk's take on this one.
@mehterfucker @sohmageek @Pavlov something tells me that Irk isn't going to say something expected, were he to answer this one.
@JonT Only one way to find out . . . But, admittedly, Irk's a fickle puppet.
@JonT @mehterfucker @sohmageek @Pavlov I think if he can ask a new dad to get his 6 month old psychiatrically evaluate. He can do a lot. ;) also I hope he doesn't swear my son may be banned from watching him then. He already knows 3 words. Dada mama and shit. I think he'd pronounce it meh-turf-yuk-rr
@mehterfucker I'm sure Irk lives by "Trolls before holes"
@darksaber99999 That's just how he rolls.
@darksaber99999 I dunno...Irk can be shady.
Can men ever really understand women?
Seeing the story of the guy who put on a friend's old Prom Dress to take his Nice to see Cinderella, because she was afraid people would make fun of her for wearing HER princess Dress, http://abcnews.go.com/Lifestyle/man-dressed-princess-year-niece/story?id=29845303
made me wonder,
What is the most potentially embarrassing thing you would publicly do for a family member?
@JonT Will you ever offer plush Irk trolls?
@irishbyblood Sold. Name your price @JonT Also It'd be awesome if you could figure out a way to have it do lip flaps to the irk youtube videos... Similar to how Teddy ruxpin worked in the 80's/90's.
@irishbyblood @sohmageek
@JonT
@sohmageek I give tree-fiddy. Maybe more.
@irishbyblood 3.50. I'd do a bit more. Depending on size, electronic (or not), build quality and perceived cuddliness. Probably $10-20 range
@sohmageek 10-15$ absolutely.
Should I put butter on my PopTarts? I heard it was really freakin' good. If so, what flavor of PopTarts would you recommend?
What is your take on other types of trolls? Specifically, what do you think of the internet troll?
Irk, what's your deal with butter? Is it your fetish?
If I pick my nose, is it obligatory that I eat the booger?
@Pavlov ewww. Yer s'posta stick it somewhere other people have to touch it. Silly.
@Thumperchick I do that with something else. :P
@Pavlov
Hello Irk. What do you enjoy more? The pan flute or the didgeridoo? Can you give us any pointers for playing these prodigious instruments. Danke!
Are children who use sign language allowed to talk with their mouth full?
Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?
Do sheep get static cling when they rub against one another?
Can an ambidextrous person make an offhand remark?
If you lick the air, does it get wet?
Do Chinese people get English sayings tattooed on their bodies?
Why is it "a penny for your thoughts", but you "put your two cents in"?
Do Dutch people always split the bill?
Why do they call him Donkey Kong if he is not a donkey?
Irk,
Does the Easter Bunny really poop jelly beans? and the Easter chicken lay Cadburry cream eggs? My mom tells me this every year....
@jimmyd103
Dear Irk,
I cut my finger the other day. On the other hand, I'm fine.
What's your most favorite/annoying bad-pun joke?
Jocularly,
ACraigL
@ACraigL Thanks for the reply, Irk. Two more in the bad joke bandolier for me.
Can I have a dollar?
Dear Irk,
Is it worth it, and if so what's the best way, to bring back incredible shows such as Firefly, Deadwood, and Kidfoot that were cancelled far too early?
march5th00
Dear Irk,
We're (almost) all adults here.
Do "bad words" and cursing in the product write ups bother you?
lumpthar
Dear Irk,
Where from are you?
Dear Irk,
I think you should have your own account so you could respond to posts. If you really cared.
Dear Irk,
I often see posts asking how many people still have perfect Meh button clicking streaks, but never see anyone from Meh respond. Can you give us some insight in the Meh button, er, Mehtrics?
How many employees still have perfect streaks?
How many non-employees have perfect streaks?
When is Meh being clicked most?
Why do I care?
Thanks,
mediobarkre
@mediobarkre I have asked for this myself, but then when @shawn says "would you rather me do that than create x feature" I say no because there's always something more important to be working on. Maybe I'll try to learn how to do it myself one of these days, though then I'll probably just say to myself "should you really be doing this instead of working on y feature?".
Does the carpet match the drapes?
Hi Irk. Should I join the office softball team? On the one hand, I want to enjoy the camaraderie of my co-workers and help secure my job. On the other hand, I want to stay home and drink beer. I'm conflicted.
@Bingo Bring beer to softball.
Dearest Irk,
How do you like Scrapple? Like consuming it by mouth.
Thanks
Sohma
Irk lives in Texas, @sohmageek. The question should be, “Have you ever HEARD of scrapple?” Man, I just noticed you capitalized SCRAPPLE! Do you live in Lancaster County?!?
@aetris I used to
Hey, Irk. How would you handle the following situation?
You're in a drive-thru and you order the largest coffee they offer. (because you like it and intend to drink the whole thing like you always do) Your significant other says he or she doesn't want anything. When you get the coffee, you hand it to your significant other to be placed into a cup holder while you put your form of payment away and pull away from the window. It's at that moment that they take a sip...then another...
You ask, "I thought you didn't want anything?"
They say, "I didn't. I'm just taking a sip."
To which you say, "Yeah, but I planned on drinking the whole thing."
And they say, "You're being selfish. It's just a sip. I always share with you."
You: "Yeah, but you NEVER finish yours."
Them: "So?"
You: "So it's not really sharing if you're just giving me what you weren't going to drink anyway. I wanted all of that and now I'll be getting less than I had anticipated."
Them: "So selfish..."
You: "It's not selfish, I'm telling you that it bothers me. Maybe I have OCD or something, but it still bothers me."
Them: "I just don't see why it's a big deal."
You: "If you had told me you were going to drink some while I was ordering, I could have adjusted my expectations or possibly bought you your own."
Them: "But that's a waste of money; I don't want a full one."
You: "But I DID want a full one. There is no larger size to order, so in order for me to get the amount of coffee I wanted, I would have had to have bought an additional one for you. I'd probably end up drinking the rest of yours too, so nothing would really go to waste."
Them: "You always do this."
You: "No, YOU always do this."
DAY RUINED
Maybe it bothers me more than it should... It's like telling a kid, "I'm going to give you this whole bucket of Legos for your birthday!" And then, after Billy imagines how much fun he'll have and plans his whole day around all the things he can build with that many Legos, you take two big handfuls of legos out of the bucket leaving Billy with fewer legos than he had anticipated. Sure, he still got some legos, but why tease him by letting him think he would be getting all of them? Just tell him upfront that he'll be getting less than the ordered amount to avoid future heartache.
@medz Make her sit in the back.
@medz Maybe it does bother a bit more than it should, but you have a valid point. From now on, if they say they don't want anything, ask them, "Do you just want a sip of mine?" - when they say yes, buy them their own damn cup.
On the topic of idioms, if a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush, does it mean that killing two birds with one stone is effectively worth four birds in the bush?
@travo Only if you held 2 birds in one hand and used your other hand to kill them with one stone.
@travo I always head that one on the bush was worth two in the hand....
Dear Irk: Why is it considered proper to begin a letter/post with "Dear {name}" ( or the horror of "Dearest {name}") when we don't even know the person we are addressing?
Dear Irk,
What's up with all the remakes? The Craft? Jem? Babylon 5? When will it all end?
@DrunkCat Wait, they are doing a remake of Babylon 5?! That's awesome!!
@zachdecker http://screenrant.com/babylon-5-movie-reboot/
I love these weird idioms in our language. You may have heard these before but some could be new to you too:
Why is a boxing ring square?
If olive oil is made out of olives, what is baby oil made of?
Why is the word abbreviation so long?
Why are apartments stuck together instead of apart?
Why isn't the word phonetic spelled like it sounds?
When you transport items by truck, it's called a shipment but by boat it's called cargo.
@cengland0 If con is the opposite of pro, what is the opposite of progress?
And then other problems with our language is that some words have been used incorrectly for so long that the opposite of what it really means is what most people use it for.
"I'm anxious about going to that party." Most people would think anxious means eager in this case but it's technically a root word of anxiety so they are worried about it instead.
"It's a moot point." Most people use this to say that it's no longer worth arguing about. Moot originally means the exact opposite. Adj, "subject to debate, dispute, or uncertainty, and typically not admitting of a final decision." There is even moot court where issues are argued.
What in the world is a hot water heater? If the water is already hot, why do you need to heat it? It should be called a cold water heater.
And finally, how in the world can flammable and inflammable mean exactly the same thing?
These things bother me exactly as much as it should which is a lot.
Dear Irk,
Why do people feel that it is safe to leave their car running while they are pumping gas? I know that gasoline (the liquid itself) isn't flammable, but the vapors produced (especially while pumping gas) are highly flammable. Is there some bad information floating around, or am I just overreacting?
- Willijs3
@Willijs3 I only did this once, and several factors were necessary. I was driving in New Jersey where it's illegal to pump your own gas. I drive a hybrid, so the gas engine shuts off if you have enough battery power and are idle. And I had to wait in line and for the attendant to come to my vehicle. I forgot that my car was on, and he pumped my gas. Oops. I don't think anything happened negatively.
Wow.
This is the first time I've ventured into the Ask Irk forum.
It's like seeing inside the brain of 400 schizophrenics.
(...slowly backing out of the forum and trying not to make eye contact with anyone...)
Dearest Irk-
Why do people say "underwears" when they are speaking of underwear? Do people truly think the word is plural?
@conandlibrarian I buy my underwears down at the walmarts.
@conandlibrarian Same reason people say, "Can I axe you a question?"
Dear Irk, What's the capital of Michigan?
@Thumperchick M -signed every kiddie joke book author ever
Hi Irk,
What's your stance on birthday cards? I find them to be pointless if you're not putting cash or a gift card in them or you just sign the card without personalizing it. Do I have to buy a birthday card if I'm already buying the person a gift? Shouldn't the gift hold more sentiment than a card that has a trite message on it written by some guy or gal at Hallmark?
Maybe I'm just cheap and find birthday cards to be wasteful uses of paper.
@BillLehecka They are a total waste! My old job would ask us to buy cards to replenish the supply at the office so they could send b-day cards around to people. (it was really funny when you got one you bought...) I always bought the cheapest bulk pack I could find, but then they didn't like those because they weren't good enough. A personalized email means more to me than a card with just a bunch of signatures on it.
Dear Irk,
Not a question. Just a simple thank you for imparting your sage advice with perfect comedic timing.
Cheers.
Dear Irk,
Every week I start out hoping to see a "Maybe It bothers me more than it should" video but some weeks you don't do one. Are you not sufficiently bothered anymore? Maybe your equanimity bothers me more than it should...
@jennkaotic I miss them too.
Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
@MrsPavlov So they can fit my pizza, garlic cup, and ranch cup in one convenient package, duh.
@MrsPavlov Because round boxes would cost more than the pizza.
@ACraigL Burt Rigid Box, Inc. developed and patented equipment in the 1930’s to automate round box manufacturing. I'm thinking that might have a lot to do with it. Absent the patent issue and in high enough volume, the round box might cost slightly less . . .
@Pavlov It's probably your fault.
@MrsPavlov111 The original justification for it used circular logic and was thus rejected. So, they went to IBM, and 6 months later this came out.
Dear Irk -
I have a bottle of wine I opened about a month ago. It's been kept with the cork in it since then. Can I still drink it?
Thanks -
Bingo
@Bingo
I read a few other sources that said "it depends" and mainly that it'll be the taste/smell that's affected. Soooo maybe you could give it a try?
@Bingo That's why they make boxed wine- it keeps for months at a time. Not a big wine drinker, but family and friends have lots of Franzia boxes sitting around (there was the one time we had too many boxes and I gave away a bunch at work).
Spring forward of fall back? Which part of daylight savings to you prefer. Do you even like daylight savings?
Dear Irk,
Is your body vegan, vegetarian and gluten free? And if so, why don't your videos prominently display such features in iconography form?
Irk, do you feel violated if it's someone else's hand up there?
Irk, why do people feel the need to talk on their phones while in the restroom? WTF is wrong with people?
Irk, I feel like none of my questions will be answered because I don't have a user name that you can purposely mispronounce :(
@jsh139 this is clear irk-bait. You know he could, j-shhhhhhh-onehundredandthreenine
@JonT Damn, was it that obvious? :D
Why is Youtube suggesting videos on how to ask teen girls out after watching your videos? I'm an old married man! I'm not a creepy old married man, I think?
@grumpasaurus Why does Amazon think I'm a mom? Why does anything happen!?
Irk, this segment in general is like a spiritual successor to the Ben the Over-Literal Dermestid Beetle, from days of Woot past. He always has a bone to pick, at least Irk can fulfill my bone-picking desires.
...
Dear Irk,
Where do you live?
Dear Irk,
Why won't meh sell Irk plushies?
Are socially awkward commenters ever asked to just ..stop?
I'll take my answer off air, Thank you.
Dear Irk,
What have you done with T. Humperchick?
@beachbum Uhhh... Nothing?
Irk,
How do you feel about those horribly annoying pop-up boxes asking you for your feedback every time you visit a retail internet site? Maybe they simply bother me more than they should...
Dearest Irk,
Since my son, Raylan, thinks you're the best... EVER. My son's first birthday is coming up. Can you please send him a Birthday card or birthday message? He'd love it.
Thanks!
PS. Seriously If he's really upset, all I have to do is play your 404 song and he calms down... until it's over. But for that brief time he smiles and tries to pet you through the screen. It's a magical 42 seconds.
Dear Irk,
How does it feel to have orchestrated aerial butt secks?
Dear Irk,
Did you find meh, or did meh find you?
Irk,
Do you like broccoli on your pizza?
@metaphore
/image congratulations la you’ve ruined pizza
@chacham Only to eat.
@metaphore
/woot pizza
Pizza Plant for $8 - $11
http://shirt.woot.com/offers/pizza-plant
Pizza Cone 6PC Set / Set for 2 for $14.99
http://home.woot.com/offers/pizza-cone-6pc-set-set-for-2-19
Pizza Herb Blend / 1.5oz - Spicy Cal for $2.99
http://home.woot.com/offers/pizza-herb-blend-1-5oz-spicy-cal-12
@chacham $5 shipping kills it.
@therealjrn With the lack of BoC’s yesterday, there was no guarantee i would get free shipping for the day, and, well, i didn’t even look to see if i was interested in anything else.
Meh’s got all the magic now.
Irk,
To lick, or not to lick the donut?
@Pavlov The donut or the hole?
@sohmageek That's for Irk to decide . . .
@Pavlov ein Berliner?
@nadroj
@Pavlov
Irk,
What's your favorite breakfast food?
Irk,
What's that thing on Donald Trump's head?
Dear Irk, are you fashion averse? Do you have a batch of identical looking blue shirts or one shirt only? Why don't you wear any meh apparel like @JonT?
Hey Irk,
Which forum faux paux do you consider the most distasteful?
Irk, What does it feel like when the person pulls his or her hand out of your rectum after the video is shot? Probably a relief; right?
Hey Irk,
When passing through a door, hallway, or other impasse; how many, seemingly polite, exchanges, between two people, of "after you, 'no, no, after you;' I insist, after you''" etc. should take place before it is too many?
Best,
connorbush
aka
Mr. Doubleshot of Wheatgrass
aka
Young Dark Roast
Irk what really irks you more, stupid questions or stupid people ? Of course, stupid people can ask stupid questions and smart people can ask stupid questions so why don't you just irk us all whether stupid, smart ( or think they r smart ) or just plain mediocre).. So whatever irks u most irk us back...your irkness...
P.s. Hope I didn't irk you off but if you are named irk you will always be irked no matter what ..whether you are happy or sad, mad or glad, irked is irked ain't that rad!!!
So Irk, what neither bothers nor doesn't bother you at all? You know, what things are you just Meh about?
What's more better, kindness or Kindness?
Dear Irk,
Why are people so weird?
Dear Irk,
My son's first birthday is coming up. Do you have anything motivational to let him know? Or perhaps any advice?
Thank you in advance,
Sohmageek
@sohmageek his birthday is the 15th. So if you do decide to answer it on or before the 15th would be great!
Dear Irk,
Have you considered the fate of the Pets.com sock puppet? Do you think that, whenever A Mediocre Corporation finally goes out of business or gets purchased or whatever, that Meh will go away, and your image and personality will be the only thing that remains? I'd hate to see you end up flogging car loans for Bar None.
What the hell happened to your left arm, and do you know Yoda?
Irk, I love what you're doing, switching it up with different shirts. I can't wait to see what comes out next. How is the office now that @JonT isn't there?
@sohmageek Irk doesn't work out of mediocre HQ. He lives in @matthew's basement with Glen.
@Thumperchick I'm not sure I want to see what a room of irk and glen do up.
Irk, Are you fairly compensated for your work? I mean for the longest time you wore the same old shirt, I just thought it was the inner troll in you rebelling against the thoughts of laundry... but now that you're mixing it up with different shirts, it makes me wonder how you're compensated. Like are all your needs taken care of? Do you get a commission based upon hit count on your videos, or by stars?
Have you ever milked anything?
@Bingo yes but I can't talk about it.
A) not polite in mixed company
B) court order
Hey Irk, does it creep you out that so many people want little plushy copies of you to cuddle? Or do other weird stuff with?
@Thumperchick Oh god, Irk fleshlight?
@jaremelz Oh good lord, no! That's worse than what I'd envisioned by miles. Now we'll never get irk plushies...
@Thumperchick Maybe he could be programmed with sayings. "Is that how you like it, or does it bother you, perhaps more than it should? "
@Thumperchick whats wrong with hugging a troll? I mean, its better than the other things i have in my prison cell.
@conandlibrarian - Haha - At least you're a prison librarian. You should change your user name to exconthelibrarian when you get paroled.
Dearest Irk, where do broken hearts go?
@conandlibrarian Can they find their way home?
@conandlibrarian They don't go anywhere. The shards of the shattered heart remain with you, reopening the wounds every so often to remind you that you live, you love, and sometimes, you hurt.
@Thumperchick
@conandlibrarian they go to old tv reruns of "hart to hart " of course..
You know what bothers me? The laggy load time in this thread. I know I could just turn on pagination to fix some of that, but I don't want to. I'm thinking maybe we need an Ask Irk 2.0 thread. @matthew - would that work for you? At 355 comments, this thread has become a bit of a beast.
@Thumperchick Pagination works great on this thread. It's not bad at all... come to the dark side... we have cookies (no not dark side color scheme...)
Hey, Irk. How 'bout them Royals? #ForeverRoyal
Dear Irk,
If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how will anyone ever know?
@Pavlov They have people who get paid for that.
Irk,
Would you like a Dum-Dum lollypop?
Thanks!
Irk, do you like the Grateful Dead? If so, do you have a particular favorite?
Irk, where do you spend the holidays?
Hey Irk - What's your stance on spoilers?
What I mean is, do you think that once content is released, it's fair game? Or is there a set amount of time that people should refrain from spoiling plot twists or surprises?
If honesty is the best policy, then is dishonesty the second best policy?
Dear Irk--
What inspired the decision to not include fuku bags in fuku 6?
Best,
@connorbush
Dear Irk --
I am a very tired person and I cannot get to sleep. Does this ever happen to you? Have you found an effective way to deal with insomnia?
As sincere as I can be, considering
gertiestn
@gertiestn - I've found the older I get, the more really I enjoy sleeping. It is like death, without the commitment.
Irk- How old are you? Whatever age you are, I think life has been rough on you.
@conandlibrarian well life might have dealt him a rough "hand" alright, maybe one he didn't ask for but one that is thrust upon him..just saying ....i wonder if we could look up the beginnings of his existence in "Handcestry.com"?
Irk, what's your opinion on the recent controversy? Do you think they're right about it all? I wasn't sure at first, but I think the others have a point too. I read up on it a bit, and I think that ultimately, time will tell. What do you think?
Irk,
Who is your favorite grateful (that they are) dead person? Not who were you held in such high regard that you are even excited so that their corpse (or what may be left of it) is still around (hopefully not kicking the town.) Rather - Who are you most grateful that they are dead and no longer able to do something that you disapprove of?
Dear Irk,
Would you consider wearing a cravat? An ascot would also be an acceptable substitute.
Dearest Irk,
Do moustaches ever not look creepy and/or porny? Please provide citations.
Sincerely,
Lotsofgoats
Irk, hi?
Irk,
How do you feel about the NFL? I was raised to hate the league, but the Denver Broncos eventually won me over. Do you have a favorite team? Perhaps a favorite team to hate?
@christinewas the Denver Broncos do "horse" around quite a "bit" :) so they are fun to watch....I suspect Irk is irked about my favorite team, the Dallas Cowboys..they "rope" u into believing in them and next thing you know, they lose a game they should have won or win a game , technically, they should have lost...oh the madness of our football teams.. One thing about them , they always have a "ball" :).
Irk, which is better: Skittles or Starburst?
@Bingo Better question - which is better Original Skittles, with the Lime flavor? Or the New Skittles, with Green Apple?
Irk, wit or witout?
@Pavlov maybe Irk will " wit" hold his opinion
Irk,
Truth is?
@connorbush
Dear Irk,
Aside from yourself, who do you think is the greatest troll ever?
Hugs and kisses,
@jaremelz
I don't want to give in to racist stereotypes and assume it's under a bridge.
@GFhgfdj
@GFhgfdj OMG, you're a fucking
(@tHumperChick)
Dear Irk,
I just won my 9th consecutive game in Fantasy Football. It was fun for a while, but now I feel guilty. Is that because I have lady parts? Are men just more comfortable being smack talking assholes than women?
@sammydog01 I'm super comfortable being a smack talking asshole. Maybe you're just a nicer person overall.
Hey Irk, why don't you say 'Hello' at the beginning of your videos anymore? You always started with a jaunty, congenial 'Hello' but now you just sort of launch right into things.
Irk, what's the best toothbrush? Electronic, ionic, or plain manual? You have teeth, so you must have a preference.
Hello Irk-
Do you celebrate Christmas?Kwanzaa? Hanukkah? Festivus? All Irk's day?
Hey Irk,
Do you have pants? Do you have legs to put pants on? If you do have legs and pants I suspect they look like this drawing I did of you during church.
Dear Irk,
What are your thoughts on legalization / decriminalization of the marijuana? Do you smoke or vape your ganja?
Irk,
What's for dinner?
Nacho cheese or cool ranch?
Irk... I know how kids sit on Santa's lap and tell them what they'd want for Christmas... I'll offer you this once in a lifetime chance... You may sit on my lap then read this question.... Irk- What do you want for Christmas?
You're welcome
@sohmageek you should post a pic of you sitting in a chair so that the green screen magic can put Irk on your lap... if he's into that sort of thing.
@Thumperchick I just want the elf on the shelf to be watching from somewhere. Because we need to take this awesome question and make it a little creepy.
@Thumperchick http://imgur.com/a/7HHYt good?
@sohmageek oh, the possibilities....
@sohmageek I think so. Now, if Irk answers your question, maybe @matthew can work with that pic!
More likely, @medz will have fun for us, too.
@sohmageek You glorious bastid.
@Thumperchick @sohmageek Ehhhhhh.... I need a higher quality picture of Irk to work with. Also, like a vampire, Irk doesn't cast a shadow...
Dear Irk,
Was my kitty this depressed before I began singing to him?
Dear Irk,
I am wondering how troll parents name their children. Did they give you your name first and you developed your personality to match, or did they wait to see what your personality was and then give you a fitting name?
How do I do well on finals
Do you even lift?
Dear Irk,
I recently received my "I Like Irk" t-shirt. Sadly, my 5-year-old daughter did not agree with sentiment and promptly told me how much she hates Irk. How can I convince her you're not such a bad troll?
Dear Irk,
Do you answer staff questions?
@katylava
Greatest use of a Catch 22 which I've seen this week.
@FroodyFrog yeah, try of all time.
Dear Irk,
How do I break a person's heart?
Also
Dear Irk:
How do I help someone in meh find a dog
@legendornothing You could lose their dog :)
Please settle an argument I have with my wife. Are pants funny? If so, why?
Dear Irk,
Do you have a wife/husband? girlfriend/boyfriend?
If you could summon a hot dog on command, what kind of hot dog would it be?
I'm asking this for @barney
Dear Irk, Do you like purple?
If you say no, then the question is from me so you don't break @barney's heart. That would be awful :(
@stardate820926 Hahaha, you just made my day!
Can I have a button?
@hallmike
@rockblossom I've earned it if he answers my question.
My Dearest Irk,
It feels as though it has has been a fortnight since I've had the pleasure of making your acquaintance. I must inquire: 420 Blaze It?
Opposable thumbs. They're kind of a big deal. As far as I can tell, though, those beautiful hands of yours don't have them. What kinds of challenges have you faced, without them? How do you overcome these obstacles?
Irk, what are your thoughts on holding a Presidential Draft instead of an election? Everyone's Social Security number goes into a hat (a big hat, obviously), the the one that gets picked is president for the next 4 years. Can it be much worse than our current system?
Irk, On a scale of 1 to 10, Where 1 is not at all and 10 is excruciatingly painful, how much does it bug you when people ask you questions? For your benefit I've included a chart for you....
It is Valentine's weekend. Who or what are you attracted to?
Dear Irk,
Why don't you ever wear a hat?
Thanks!
@matthew Oh yeah!
(Dear Irk, Why am I so unobservant?)
Dear Irk,
Hi. This morning, I was parked 10 cars away from a woman and I could still smell her perfume. what's the proper etiquette for telling someone, "holy shitballs! you're not supposed to bathe in fucking perfume!"?
Thanks and happy discovery of penicillin day to you.
Sweetie,
Just wanted to stop by and say Thanks for all the knowledge you've
brainwashedimbued. Just wanted to let you know how much we appreciate it!Now to ask for another slice of heaven.
Would you like to catch a coffee and shoot the shit sometime?
Thanks
-Sohma
Dear Irk..How would you respond to a phone call like this on your own cell phone?
Me: hello?
Caller: you have my cell phone and I want it back!
Me: ummmm, no, you called MY phone and I don't have yours.
Caller: oooh, I misdialed.
End of call
@mikibell Sounds like that one resolved itself though…
@brhfl I just wonder should I have had more fun with it...hold out for ransome, etc.
Dear Irk,
Why?
Hi Irk. I was wondering if you ever got some nachos? Do you prefer pasteurized processed fluorescent orange plastic "cheese" on your nachos, or the real stuff?
Dear Irk,
What question would you most like to be asked by a Meh.com forum-goer? And how would you answer it?
Thanks!
Irk,
My birthday is coming up. What are you getting me?
Also, the gift you got me last year obviously got lost in the mail.
A puff of hot Texas air, packed in a cloud of hot Texas air, sealed with a kiss of hot Texas air, mailed on a breeze of hot Texas air.
Dear Irk,
is it true that all Texans must own at least one giant belt buckle in order to live in the state? does anyone at Meh wear a giant belt buckle?
@carl669
Yes. And, later in life, an enormous belly to go with.
@carl669 no, but we do have to ride our horses to work.
@hollboll i'm pretty sure riding a horse requires you to have a belt buckle. i have one if you need it.
@carl669 That's a pretty nifty belt buckle you got there.
@carl669 I'm actually wearing this right now
cross-country regional pride groin-off!!!
Irk, with Netflix release the Full House reboot, Fuller House, would you consider playing the roll of Michelle Tanner since the Olsen twins have refused to return?
Is it OK to betray the people who love me most by writing a novel about their shortcomings if I'm as hard or harder on my own shortcomings, as projected onto my fictional avatar?
@cottonmather
Yeah sure. Throatcutting ahead tho.
I have never bought anything on this site. Am I normal?
Dear Irk,
Whenever I cook fish in my dishwasher it always seems to build up an acid taste. It's not just a single type of fish either, I've tried salmon, tilapia, trout, you name it! Dishes are well hand-washed before so they should not be contaminating. I'm thinking the water may have an off pH balance but litmus paper seems to dissolve after each load. How would I go about fixing this? Should I try investing in better tinfoil?
Thanks!
Dear Irk,
I've got a bad case of spring fever. What's the best way for me to treat this ?
Nachos: individual or team?
@irk @matthew How do you deal with loneliness? You seem pretty alone, solitary even, in that studio.
Solitude is the best. I guess I wouldn't expect a wolfpack to understand
paging @clonewolf3
@matthew
Dear Irk,
When can we expect to see a mad ape den duet with you and @Matthew? Inquiring minds want to know.
Dear Irk, I read over on Woot that Ben the over-literal Dermestid beetle is dead. Did Slydon kill him?
I read somewhere their typical lifespan is only like five months, so he had a pretty solid run
Dear Irk,
Why did Amazon just recommend that I purchase a can of creamed possum?
@sammydog01 Why the hell does canned creamed possum exist? Why the hell does creamed possum exist? Who the hell ate creamed possum and though, "I need to put this shit in a can!"?
@Thumperchick @sammydog01 And why is it garnished with coon fat gravy? The ending of this Irk video will probably not end well. Shhhhh....I hear banjos - RuuuuuuuuuuuuuN!!!
(but I still want to see it happen - is that wrong?)
@mfladd After clicking on the canned possum Amazon is now recommending a handicorn. They know me so well?
@sammydog01 Much prefer:
@rockblossom That popped up on my list of recommendations too.
@sammydog01 When I'm bored, I just go wandering into the strangest nooks and crannies of Amazon for the fun of it, then watch to see what shows up in my "Amazon recommends ..." page. Then I pop back and forth between something boring (toothpaste, dish soap) and something weird like pork brains, just to mess with the "Customers who viewed this also viewed ..." lists.
Irk-
Earlier this year, one of my childhood beliefs (I don't have many remaining) was crushed when @hollboll revealed that Elmo is a puppet. Then, to compound that devastating news, I found out that with the use of @matthews hand being used, you're also a puppet.
Naturally, I'm just heartbroken. I tried eating in order to brush aside my sadness, but I realized that that was probably what #THEY# wanted, so I stopped (not eating of course, that'd be silly).
How do I get over my heartbreak of finding out that Elmo and yourself are puppets?
tl:dr How do I get over my heartbreak of finding out that Elmo and yourself are puppets?
Do you have any tattoos?
Dear Irk,
Why does the largest online retailer have such a shitty search engine?
For example, I'm searching for a "stainless steel pancake spatula". My results include many regular size spatulas, 100% plastic spatulas, plastic egg molds, fish turners, whisks, tongs, and a silicone cheese melting set.
Thank you,
-- narfcake
I had never heard of a silicone cheese melting set.
Now I am wondering if I need one...
I hate using the small tiny txt buttons on my iPhone. As much as I hate the way it replaces its own words for mine. Do you like your smart phone?
Irk where do you live? In a house apartment or under a bridge? Or in a drawer in mathews cubical? Are yoi captive at Meh?
where can I get a pear pie?
Dear Irk -
How can I tell my boss to stop loudly eating apples and chewing with his mouth open during meetings? It's really gross.
Please help me Irk. You're my only hope.
Irk,
What's a fukuburo and why can't I have one? I feel more left out than @matthew outside of the frame.
Irk,
It's the day after Tax Day here in the real world.
How do you feel about taxes in general? Having roads and F-15s is pretty nice, but it is a pain in the butt to pay them.
Do you have to pay Troll Taxes?
Hey Irk,
Why do you think you're purple?
You're not purple.
You're grey.
@darksaber99999 I think he's just trying to make @Barney happy. Is that even possible?
@compunaut Are you saying I'm hard to please? Huh, huh, huh? Well, I'm not. Anyway, Irk is wearing a purple shirt. So there!
@Barney It's more of an indigo, really. And who considers their shirt their body?
@darksaber99999 Who knows, maybe trolls do.
Dear Irk,
What is the algorithm used to decide which forum topics show up on the main Meh page? How is it that older topics sometimes make their way back?
@compunaut It's based on new stars for the current day, I think.
Dear Irk,
What did you look like in high school? Do you have a class photo?
Hey Irk,
Any idea who Negan killed?
After watching you sing "Careless Whisper", I have to ask...
Irk, will you dance with me?
Irk, can you please help me with this quest! Meh has been apathetic to my cause and denying speaker docks on the main page. I mean sure I've saved quite a few bucks by not buying whatever crappy knife or Bluetooth speaker have been on sale. But I miss the speaker docks. Please help me bring them back!
What happened to Glenn? Haven't seen him in a while, did you eat him?
Irk- I know you aren't for instant gratification. Well maybe your own but not for us. However. My last speaker dock spare broke today... Please oh please great Irk can I get a speaker dock? With a lightning port? And maybe can charge the phone without being plugged in. Ya know like the jbl mini meh has sold so many times.
Hi Irk! What type of smartphone would you recommend that I get. I have an iPhone 4 and am wondering if I should stick with the Apple upgrades or if this is the time to go to Android. I have heard that the iPhone 8 won't have a headphone jack. Given the number of headphones Meh sells, I was wondering if that would impact your recommendation. Thank you!
@justan79 likely when the headphone jack goes there will be an adapter. I'm heavily invested in the apple ecosystem. Given you have a 4... What kind of PC do you have (PC/Mac?) how much have you spent in apps? Do you have a tablet, is it apple or some other brand? Do you like having a one stop shop for support? Is there an Apple Store nearby? How about wearables... Got a smart watch? Is it an Apple Watch?
Dear Irk,
Who do you think will win the Stanley Cup Playoffs?
#LGB!!!
Dear Irk,
Today I see the same video up on the site as I did yesterday. I am noticing that happens a lot lately but you still have a link that says "Our Daily Video".... is it REALLY daily? Should it say... Our Once in a While Video?
AFAIK, socks come in pairs. Does Glen have a sibling?
@parodymandotcom I too would like tp know; is there a Glenda out there?
@Thumperchick @parodymandotcom They were Twins, but Glen Ate his Twin on the Spool!
@sohmageek eeeewwwwwwwww.
Dear Irk
Are your teeth made from wooden popsicle sticks or a far harder, more deadly material?
Dear Irk,
Why do we ask for your advice? The whole thing seems like a waste of time, but of course, here I am asking.
Irk- I know Glen’s feelings on the Current Presidential race season… Also inadvertently @matthew’s. So I have to ask you this: Which charities do you support?
Irk - I gave realized that I don’t really have many “friends” in real life. Sure, I may talk to many people daily, but I wouldn’t call them “friends”.
Even though you’re one of the biggest trolls in the world, you seem to be wise, because if you weren’t, we wouldn’t ask you heard questions.
What tips can you offer this frog for (redacted) to make friends?
My Dearest Irk,
Have you ever thought about what like would have been like if we had modern tech in the past? Like, how different would the 80s have been if there were more selfies and what would a Vlog from the 1960s look like? How would a Snapchat session look from the 1920s? These questions keep me up at night.
@BillLehecka Could you imagine Meh in the height of MTV era… I mean, they would have had to been mail order or something, but Just imagine the fun it would have been… All orders must be postmarked within 24 hours of sale, and received within 2 weeks, we suggest Overnighting the order to make sure you get it, however we will ship it as slow as possible to you to save money! ACT NOW!
@sohmageek No. It would have been: "Dial 1-800-555-1MEH before this deal runs out! Hurry! Operators are standing by!" as a smiling
shillspokesperson pretended to use the product and love it. The phone number would scroll across the screen and flash.If someone were to have an alternative account, and they used one account to star posts made on their other account, could we start pelting them with water balloons?
@FruityFraug “Is that what you’d like to do?” asked the psychiatrist
/giphy psychiatrist
/image psychiatrist
@compunaut
How’d you know?
@FruityFraug Just a hunch
How come I never win any of Meh’s stupid contests?
Hello Irk,
why do the Meh videos have so few views? Most of them have only be viewed 1k-2k times and the only “popular” one seems to be the 404 page.
I for one really like them but how come only 1/60 of the daily visitor bother to watch them?
@qwesda if they figured that out, they would probably go back to having a new video every day.
@qwesda I watch nearly every one, except for the possum head series. I just can’t watch that.
@Thumperchick So do I need to watch them each a thousand times myself?
@conandlibrarian I’m rather partial to PHC myself. Instructive and entertaining, what more can one ask for!
@sammydog01 yup
Dear Irk,
How do you like having a hand up your posterior? Is it some kind of mehtaphor for modern life?
Where do you see yourself in five years?
@darksaber99999 also, three words to describe yourself. And what are your strengths and weaknesses?
Irk,
Are you in a relationship? If not, why not? I mean, you’re great, what’s the deal? Why can’t you find anyone? You’re picky, that must be it, you’re picky because you’re great, who wouldn’t like you?!
@Serk ಠ_ಠ
Irk,
Who named you? What does it mean? Does it stand for something?
@Irk,
If you won a billion dollars, would you give me a million of them?
Hi Irk. Do you have a pet?
@tinamarie1974
They’re called Meh employees.
How old are you? I heard trolls live a long time. If you are considered old in human years, what is the most impressive technological marvel that has been invented in your lifetime? Maybe electricity? Washing machines? Telephones? Something else?
I have two questions relating to the Glen videos:
@thismyusername says that ventriloquism is hard, but I didn’t
thinkknow that Glen practices ventriloquism.Whatever happened to the Beaver Skull?
How’s it going Irk, do you have much free time? If you had time to volunteer for one organization, would you be a Big Brother or Sister, work for your presidential candidate of choice, or tutor English as a second language students?
(Or something else?)
@Irk,
If you and I(or some partner) built a fortune/company/something expensive, but you had full legal control over what was built, would you give your fair share of the value of what you had established to me/partner, or take everything?
Irk’s fair share would be the weirdest portion for him to give you
Irk,
How do you feel about the people that say, “If such and such candidate wins, I’m moving to Canada!”?
Wouldn’t Canada be a lot more crowded if people actually did this?
If I pay, will you go pick up some pizza & beer?
With picnic season on the horizon…macaroni salad or potato salad? Mayo or oil based? Hellmann’s or Miracle Whip, or some other brand?
Where’s the best place to buy low crown baseball caps?
Now that you are a household name, how do you handle the pressure? Do people stop you for autographs or selfies? Can I have your autograph?
@tinamarie1974 Yes you may have irk’s autograph… it’s already on the site… https://meh.com/forum/topics/ask-irk-autograph
@sohmageek well darn it, and here I thought I had a great question
Is it bigger than a breadbox?
Hi Irk,
If you hate Homsar so much, why don’t you kill him?
So I was listening to a Burger King spot on the radio today and realized that the spokesperson has a gift of pronouncing words in strange and wonderful (?) ways (Cro-son-wich), similar to Irk. Is it possible that Irk is moonlighting as the BK spokesperson?
Irk, would you like to come hang gliding?
Irk, what does it mean to suck the filling out of a Long John? What does that taste like? Does John like it when you do that? How did John get so long? Did you know that there’s a donut called a Long John? Would you try that and tell us how it compares to the one you were talking about?
Irk, do you have any experience handling caulk? Do you use your finger when forcing the caulk into cracks and crevasses or do you recommend some specialized tool? What should I do if I accidentally get some caulk in my mouth? After working with caulk, what’s the best way to clean up?
@medz
@medz I’d die of laughter.
Irk: string theory. Testable hypothesis, in principle, or beautifully elegant metaphysical structure without any discernible bearing on the actual physical world?
@Ipsifendus Oh, come on. I think we all know the answer to this one.
Irk, is bubblegum a flavor?
@chacham Irk is bubblegum flavor.
Hi Irk, will you help me move?
Hello Irk. What pockets do you keep your keys, wallet and phone in? For me, it’s left front, right rear and right front respectively.
Hi Irk. Why do hot dogs come in packs of 10, while hot dog buns come in packs of 8? Is it a conspiracy?
@tinamarie1974 some folks like to put weiners in their mouth, but they don’t like sticking then between buns.
Why is the third hand on the watch called a second hand?
@eeterrific Perhaps the watchmakers buy used ones?
What color are you? Depending on the video, you look kinda grey/lilac or pinkish/purple. I’d like to know which is the right version of you. Why does it differ from video to video?
What’s the one question you’d expected to have been asked by now but never have?
Irk, what do you do when you’re not being filmed for these videos?
Yo, Irk! Have you considered upgrading your grill from those popsicle sticks? Maybe a couple dimes?
Irk, why do folks type “no pun intended” after writing a pun? Kind of disingenuous, you think? After all, if the punner does not want to intend a pun, would they not simply rewrite the sentence?
For that matter, why are folks apologizing for puns? Step up and own the pun. Own it!
Hey man, where’s my spare Mazda key?
Irk- Mommy is gone can you comfort me until she’s back?
Is white a color?
Irk, you mentioned buffalo chicken in your last video. Where do buffalo chickens come from? Are they a cross between buffalo’s and chickens?
When people are talking about chaps, why do they always say “assess chaps”? Aren’t all chaps assless?
What do you think another Irk might be bothered by, about you, more than he should be?
Irk, if no one is currently voicing/performing with you; do you cease to exist as an entity? Simply an empty vessel, waiting for inspiration to fill you and bring you to life?
What do you say you do at Meh?
When are you going to let us meet Mrs. Irk?
@ELUNO Or Mr. Irk.
@conandlibrarian Or Irk Jr.
Is that your real hair?
@tinamarie1974 It is not. Irk sold his real hair to donald trump to help raise funds for building his meh bridge.
@CaptAmehrican hahahaha. NICE
Irk, what do I do if someone weird “pokes” me on Facebook?
Do you have any pets?
what are your thoughts of this new circuit breaker and how long do you think it will stick around?
Irk, why are all my dreams nightmares? What do I have to do to have a decent dream?
Who are you supporting in the upcoming election? And have you considered running? You could have a shot
@tinamarie1974 His dad is already running…
@ELUNO haha! Irk must have got his mothers hair
@ELUNO He definitely has his dad’s fake hair
Have you ever noticed when you try to dial “mom” on your cell phone, it shows up as 666. Coincidence or telephone conspiracy?
@tinamarie1974 every time I call her, I chuckle to myself.
@RiotDemon THANK GOD, I’m not the only one. I kinda feel guilty for giggling
Why do people get so upset when meh.com sells a weird item that they don’t want? They have 364 other days of the year to complain that meh is selling the same stupid thing again.
Irk,
When I go into a public bathroom that smells bad, should I breathe through my nose or my mouth?
My instinct is to breathe through the nose despite the smell because it seems like the nose offers an extra filter before the stank particles enter your body. Then again, people snort things to get them into their blood stream…
You don’t smell it as much when breathing through the mouth, but it goes over your tongue then straight to the lungs. It also looks weird to have your mouth agape in the restroom.
Help, Irk, I don’t know what to do.
@medz it must be nice to be able to breathe through your nose. Allergies prevent it for most of the year for me.
@sohmageek it really is the tits. Sorry
Ask your friends in Texas if they eat pickles at the movie theater. Let me know what they say.
Irk…
Do you have a date for Friday night??
Would you find out why the biggies at Meh! are so slow at shipping those F*.* bags?
Dear Irk,
What’s the deal with pretzels? I feel like I can’t tell where they end and begin and I’m not sure how to get over it.
Irk,
When is your birthday?
Irk,
If you could design any dum dum what flavor would it be?
Also what would the most putrid dum dum be?
Thanks for answering both questions in advance!
Your “Bud” Sohma
By now, I’m sure some wag has asked you what bothers you less than it should, but I’d be more interesting in hearing about what bothers you differently than it should.
Thanks!
Irk,
Is it rude to ask a puppet who his favorite Muppet is? I feel like maybe it is, but I ask my human friends the same question, so maybe I’m over-thinking this.
Thanks
WHY?!?!?!?
Although I suppose an appropriate response would be: “Why not?”
Irk,
Have you ever visited, or are you otherwise related to the inhabitants on the home planet of the Irken invaders?
What do you think of Monster Hunter Stories?
Where did I put my keys?
Irk - What’s your favorite eggnog? (Hoping you are not going to say “pumpkin” flavored.)
Why do people standing in the middle of a parking lot think that if they stick their hand(s) out when I’m driving that THAT’S what will save them from a 2 ton vehicle?
My dearest Irk-
Do you like pina coladas and getting caught in the rain?
@conandlibrarian
Flashback and again.
Oh wait, there’s another one.
I’m done.
@PlacidPenguin It is a very important question. How else will I know if we can hang out?
@matthew Now we know how Ben feels, but what about Irk?
Irk…what costume will you be using for Halloween? Iron Irk? Super Irk? Bat Irk? Ninja Teenage Irk?
Why don’t you participate in the Meh exchanges?
Dear Irk -
Bathroom attendants. Seriously??
Does Wolfman possess 'nards?
Irk, I want to bury my head (and, perhaps, other unmentionable body parts) in the sand now that the orange man cometh. Do you have a better suggestion for how to live with the death of a dream?
Irk, how are you presently?
Irk. Do you celebrate Christmas?
If the best way to keep something secret is to not tell anyone said secret, why do people go around sharing the secret and getting the listener not to say anything to the person whom the secret is about?
What was your best Black Friday score?
What are your hobbies? @Narfcake says one of them is mispronouncing names, but I don’t believe it is one.
Why on fuko (or when they existed, fuku) days, are the people who bought the garbage happy, yet the people who didn’t get one are miserable?
Surely it should be the other way around.
When I don’t get the garbage, I’m thrilled, but when I do get it, I’m sad.
Irk,
Where do I enter manufacturer coupons? Do I just mail them to you or will you provide a self addressed stamped envelope for me to send them to you when I get my item?
Thanks
Your pal,
Sohmageek
Dearest Irk,
What kind of bacon do you prefer? Regular, Canadian, turkey? Do you like it burnt, just crispy, or soggy?
Dearearest Irk,
Do you get colds? What do you do when you get one? Does your nose get burnt, just crispy, or soggy?
Hi Irk,
I miss “Drinking Terrible with Meh”. Would you know why a new edition hasn’t been made in a while?
Cheers!
Irk, What Irks you?
Irkie,
What are your favorite holiday traditions?
Irk,
On a scale of one to ten, how would you rate this question?
Thanks!
Dear Irk,
Do you carry a pocket knife?
If not, how do you open boxes?
Thanks!
Why did I take the time to prove that Hollboll = Meh = SantaBot = Narfcake = KDemo = Thumperchick = Barney = Pavlov = Dave = Froodyfrog = PlacidPenguin = f00l ?
Who would win?
A sword with a gun, or a gun with a sword?
How can I stop being a psychopath?
Dear Irk,
Tit-for-tat: Wise or petty?
Dear Irk,
Why do some people get so offended when you insult their favorite NFL team? They don’t play for the team. Their mothers don’t play for the team. And the guys who do play for the team don’t come from the town they play for. I don’t get it. (P.S. Go Bills!)
@sammydog01 Hey Irk Why does anybody cheer for the Bills?
Dear Irk,
Why does everyone hate on pineapple pizza? I think it’s quite tasty myself.
Irk,
Can you say the following phrase?
“Octonauts sticka sticka in blob-o.”
Thanks in advance!
Oh where, oh where has my little dog gone? Oh where, oh where can he be?
Did you start consuming our community members? Where did they all go?
Hi Irk,
I was wondering if you were in or looking for a romantic relationship? Are you and @matthew an item? Do trolls do valentine’s day?
@CaptAmehrican @matthew and @irk are like Ernie and Bert.
@ELUNO no more like Ernie and Jim Henson
Irk,
Where do you put your shirt when you poop? Hang it on the towel rack? Somewhere outside the bathroom? Where?
@medz you take your shirt off to poop?
@RiotDemon this isn’t about me and what I do or don’t do…
Irk- useless information: Zima is coming back. Can I get meh to sell speaker docks, even one more time?
Your pal
Soh ma geek!
Source: https://www.google.com/amp/www.chicagotribune.com/business/ct-zima-millercoors-0218-biz-20170217-story,amp.html?client=safari
How and why do you put up with such ridiculous questions from mehmbers? I can’t imagine that any monetary compensation would be sufficient.
Why do some people make such a big deal out of their birthdays? When it’s the anniversary of the day when I entered this world, it’s a reminder to me that I’ve been on this planet more time than the previous day.
Is it because I choose to treat the day as such?
Then again, on the day earlier this year commemorating the day of my birth, I had a total of 7 people wish me a “Happy Birthday”.
So maybe it’s them and not me. Especially considering that they want me to be “happy” that I’m aging. What’s wrong with people?
How does it feel to have 1000 comments on this thread? (I win for being 1000). Does it surprise you that people care that much about what you think?
@lichme Wait…you have been here 1,238 days and you only HAVE 1000 comments? Get to the back of the line, bitch.
Irk, do something on @lichme posting less than 1 comment per day.
@mfladd Yeah, I’m a mother fucking OG, that’s what’s up. People can’t handle me posting more than once a day, I’m too damned awesome, and I don’t want to remind people of how not as awesome as me they are. Where do you get off telling me to get to the back of the line, you 688 day wanker? You damn newbies think you can come in and tell us how to do things? Think again. I’ve been here since before the line existed. I’ll be waiting for you at the front of the line…
@mfladd @lichme
Trying to reason with a Canadian is like…
Hmmm…
Honestly I can’t think of anything to compare arguing with a Canadian to.
@lichme
@PlacidPenguin I’m sorry. I ran oot of maple syrup, and they gave me the wrong Timbits. Still, that was uncalled for and I apologize ♡
Irk,
Since meh HQ loves toilet paper - over or under? Because I think anyone who says under is WRONG.
@mfladd
@PlacidPenguin Exactly.
But there are those who continue with this anarchistic behavior of under and they should be stopped, or at least ridiculed publicly.
@mfladd People with cats go under. Otherwise the whole roll ends up unspooled on the floor.
@sammydog01 I’m lucky that my cats don’t give a crap about the toilet paper roll. It would drive me crazy to have to roll it under.
@sammydog01 We have 4, it doesn’t matter. What’s right is right.
@mfladd I agree with you. The ‘under’ people must be stopped. This is madness.
If possible, a government 21-day program that will bring ‘under’ people back to living normal ‘over’ lives may be possible.
Dear Irk,
Does ear wax have a smell? The results of my small informal verbal survey were inconclusive; my toddler and husband insist that it does, but I’ve never noticed any smell associated with my own ear wax.
Since I’m not in the business of smelling the outstretched fingers of a 3 year olds, no matter how powerfully they command that I “smell it”, I thought I best ask you.
@Elphie yes. It smells like Apple butter
Irk -
As I finish up Facebooking, it occurs to me to wonder: How many squares of toilet paper is the appropriate amount for someone to use? 3? 4? Even more?
Mr. Irk-
Should I give a shit?
Do you give a shit?
Who really gives a shit?
Thank you.
@daveinwarsh Donate shirts, pants, and all articles of professional clothing here.
@zachdecker Too late. When I retired, boxes of clothes went to a local helpline/foodbank place.
I still have my suit that is too tight, in case of a wedding or something.
Dear Irk,
My colleague Masahiko Nomi wants to know what’s your blood type?
Have you ever been drunk? Do you drink? If yes, what is your drink of choice?
@tinamarie1974 i assume that he likes a fuzzy navel
@CaptAmehrican
/giphy rimshot
@CaptAmehrican well I suspect he HAS a fuzzy navel, but does he drink them…OR lick his own…eeewwwweeee
Dear Irk,
Have you always been precisely this lovable?
Yours,
@UncleVinny
Have you ever heard of ninja rocks?
I’m bored. Entertain me.
My dear sweet Irk-
Are you gluten intolerant?
-Con
Irk, what is the best kind of cheese?
-Kawa
Irk-
What is the secret to having great socks?
Hey Irk -
What’s the deal with your fingers?
Is there anything you want to ask us?
Have you tried the Peeps Oreo cookies? Were the “end” results as vivid as people say?
Dear Irk?
What is “floss” ?
Dear Irk
What would it feel like for a person if their tongue got suck in an active conveyor belt?
Would it vary based on tongue length?
Cake or pie?
Which is faster;
To NY or by train?
Why is it that when I contact live chat support for a company that I can move up in the queue very fast, but as soon as I reach the top spot, I could be sitting there for over half an hour?
@PlacidPenguin Because few people are willing to wait around, so they leave the line. Once you get to 2nd place, you have to wait for the person in front to be done chatting.
What’s the best midnight snack to eat? Don’t say crackers and cheese, because whenever I eat that I wake up in the middle of the night and it isn’t good.
Is That All There Is?
Hey Irk, If I wanted to become a highly successful spokes-troll with masterful singing skills when I grow up, what should I be doing right now?
Should we even grow up?
Will you watch the solar eclipse? And do trolls require special eye protection like humans?
Irk, who is that ridiculously attractive Singin’ Cowboy? Think you could introduce me to him?
@Bomp follow-up: which side of the plate does he bat from?
Irk, before insertion of “that hand” is lube required?
@mfladd maybe he likes it without lube…everyone has their own personal freak! Lol
@tinamarie1974 Ha! Good point. I am in full appreciation of your freak response!
@mfladd the second is favorite quote it is!
Irk I just had surgery on my knee and can’t put direct weight in it for a few more days. Will you come take care of me while I recover?
@tinamarie1974 Irk, the doctor said I can’t lift anything over 10 pounds. Will you hold it for me at the urinal?
/giphy lolz
@medz oh my, saucy…lol
@medz you are one sick puppy
/image sick puppy
Dear Irk
If you had a choice would you rather roses on your piano or tulips on your organ?
@cranky1950 Tulips on my organ is always the correct answer.
Am I the only one?
@KDemo I bet you’re so proud, aren’t you? That was my meme! Mine!
Rabble rabble rabble!
How do you respond to the ludicrous rumor that you are a puppet?
Dear Ork,
Does it bother you when people mispronounce your name?
@apLundell I bet that really irks, ol’ Eark.
Is it’s too much to ask, that if I find a hair in my food or beverage, when dining at a restaraunt, before the server even walks away, that you replace it without comments? Especially comments about if the bartender is a “dirty girl” or not?
@sohmageek Was the server trying to deflect and place blame on the bartender? Or…somehow put you at ease because it was just the sexy bartender’s hair? I don’t understand…
@medz I think deflecting. But still. I’d rather it just replaced and no talking about it.
@sohmageek Server was probably wishing he or she was able to eat the dirty girl’s hair. I bet it smells great and feels so soft…mmmmm…
/image hair sniffer
Irk, what should I do to ensure I get re-elected to Parliament? Will my patronage to this site be seen as financial irresponsibility?
Does meh have standards for memes? How about puns? Asking because this one is kinda meh.
Irk, how do you feel about this?
/giphy irk
Dear Irk:
How can a dog’s mouth supposedly be so clean, when I see my dog lick his butt and eat shit off the ground?
Irk: Paper or Plastic?
Hello, Irk. Have you ever felt like your contributions are unimportant or your efforts are unappreciated?
Irk, I noticed you always wear the same purple shirt. Do you only have one shirt? Or multiple sets of the same shirt?
I am sure we could get donations if you cannot afford to expand your wardrobe.
Irk;
If a countryside town is experiencing a 4 foot snowstorm, and the wind guests are unbearable, and it is 4:30 PM on a Wednesday, what percentage of people on the flight from California to New York are busy watching other people eat custard donuts?
Dear Irk,
How different would your life be if @matthew was left handed (or right handed in case he is!)???
Dear Irk,
Were you conceived naturally, or with some sort of artificial reproductive technology? How is ‘natural’ even possible without having anything below (or at) the waist?
Irk-
I have to have my wisdom teeth out. All 3 of them… I’m terrified… I know better than to tell you when the date is until after you commit. My question for you is… will you video tape the ride home for me? I figure it will amuse you enough you may say yes (and actually follow through)
@sohmageek When I had a wisdom tooth pulled, they didn’t give me any good stuff. Only local shots to the gum. The roots weren’t like wrapped around my jaw bone or anything though.
Troll Irk,
When are we getting a new thread for these queries? Or even better, just a direct link?
Dear Irk -
I miss you.
@Bingo You would be terrible on Jeopardy!
Dear Irk,
Why am I riddled with anxiety?
Irk- what kind of retirement plan did they offer you to be spokestroll of meh or are you considered a sub-troll contractor? Inquiring minds want to know…
Who is your favorite YouTuber?
How do you feel about the new Meh-stery Box being named after you?
When do you think you might make a new video?
Can I please have pagination back?
Pssst, Irk -
Regarding the fidget spinner affair: Let me know if you need the name of a good attorney.
I’d hate to see you behind the wrong kind of bars.
Do you brush your teeth?
Hey, Irky! Who is your hair stylist?
@medz Johnny Bravo of course!
How do you handle the fame of being the face and name of the new “Irk” bag that Meh is “giving” away?
Also is it confusing in the office, how do you know if people are talking to/about you or the bag?!?!?!
@tinamarie1974 Especially given the negative connotations associated with the Instant Regret Kit.
Irk,
How do you feel about this use of technology?
http://www.washington.edu/news/2017/07/11/lip-syncing-obama-new-tools-turn-audio-clips-into-realistic-video/
You wouldn’t ever do something like that in your videos, would you?
Dear Irk,
What do you hope to find in your stocking Christmas morning?
Merry Holidays,
medz
Why do kids not like to zip their jackets, Irk?
@therealjrn I should mention, Irk, I’m posting this for @Marion1985
I’ve noticed you wearing some new shirts on the last few videos. New year, new you? Or maybe just laundry day?
I’ve always been pretty good at
/image spatial cognitive tests
wrong thread, bruh
Irk, does it bother you that “Maybe It Bothers Me More Than It Should” has an official theme song, but that the theme song is never used?
Am I late to the show?
Do fruit flies go to heaven?
Why do I have a headache?
Irk, I’d love to see you in a new Mad Ape Den… When will we see it?
Are Fig Newtons breakfast food? It’s breakfast time and there is a box on the counter calling to me.
Irk, I am getting ready to remodel my closet. Can you come help?
Dear Irk,
Why did you stop making videos? Is it because we didn’t buy enough things from Meh.com? Is it because I didn’t buy enough things from Meh.com? I bought as much as I could afford! What more do you want from me?
Dearest Irk,
What is your opinion on Meh removing the Meh Face Calendar and Tracker from the front page? Surely you have an opinion on the matter. Me personally, I’m crestfallen by the removal. Perhaps we can petition to bring it back.
Dear Irk,
Do you have any regrets? And if so, could you share a few?
Irk, is it acceptable to use a frozen pizza box as a plate? Inside out, of course.
How does it feel to once again be rejected as an Animal Crossing villager?
Dear Irk,
When do you think it will be safe to lick doorknobs again? Asking for a friend.
Thanks,
Tiwanaku
Dear Irk,
I am once again seeking your wise council. How do you store your pasta? If you were to receive a large bag of pasta, too much to consume in one sitting even for the late John Pinette on his hungriest of days; How would you store said pasta?
Sohmageek
Dear Glen,
Do you ever get annoyed that people keep asking Irk questions instead of you? Do you feel like Irk has a superiority complex? It’s about time that Irk realised you’re the better mascot and kissed your striped snakelike butt!
Dear Irk,
Did you know I like you more than Glen?
Dear Irk,
If you had a time machine and could go anywhere, where would you go?
Dear Irk
Will 2021 be better than 2020? Will 2021 bring the zombie apocalypse
Dear Irk/Glenn
IF you had 3 wishes what would they be?
Irk,
Irk Irk Irk Irk, IrkIrk Irk. IrkIrkIrk, Irk IrkIrk?
@GenWithaG123
Chicken chicken chicken, chicken chicken, chicken chicken chicken chicken (chicken).
“Chicken Chicken Chicken chicken Chicken”
@werehatrack
So this is how it all began…
Dear Irk
What is UV-C like…I mean really like, you know?
Dear Irk,
Did you know there are people with your likeness permanently tattooed on their bodies? How do you feel about that?
Dear Irk
Where have you gone? It has been quite a while since we have seen you and I am concerned.
Dear Irk,
Are we there yet? Asking for a friend.
Hey Irk-does anything bother you less than it should, like maybe what your hair looks like?
Why, when I want to check on my orders, do I have to click a link named “Your Orders”?
@ybmuG Because I don’t want Meh to be showing you my orders. You look at your orders and I’ll look at my orders!
KuoH
Hi Irk! My wife and I were wondering if your teeth are popsicle sticks. Not that that’s a bad thing. Thanks!
Dear Irk,
Would you get an Irk tattoo for a free IRK?
Thanks,
shahnm
Dear Irk,
Could you give us information about your family?
(1) What do/did your parents look like?
I apologize if you are adopted and this hit a nerve.
[*You weren’t created by @Koolhandjoe were you? *]
(2) Do you have siblings named Shirk or Jirk? (I hear their names quite often in connection with QA.)
(3) Do you have any pets? Are they up on their shots? (I assume you are not an anti-vaxer. That wouldn’t go over well with this crowd.)
Irk, how can I get another pair of the amazing VMP socks that were sent out?
They were so comfortable, but mine developed holes.
@TuffGong Holy socks.
Dear Irk, considering you are operated by having a hand up your butt to make you move, do you have to make sure you always eat a high fiber diet?
Do you ever wish you could eat more junk food?
What’s do you think of the dirty dangle?
What species are you? Are you related to trolls?