‘Twas the Night Before Irksmas, In Our Dear Warehouse (A Jaunty Tale of Fuko Woe)
37Twas the night before Irksmas, in our dear warehouse
Not a creature was stirring, not even Woodhouse;
The Fukos were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that ol’ Irk Claus soon would be there;
But one steel asshole reared his ugly head,
Mediocre Bot, the bastard, with coal eyes gone red.
And Glen, I suppose, that poor old sap,
Tagged along with him unaware of his crap.
For when the bot did the door window shatter,
And the two snuck in with a light pitter patter,
Did Mediocre bot, at once, all dickish and brash,
Beeline straight to our dear Fuko stash.
Now, good old Glen wasn’t really in the know,
Or aware of the ensuing horror show,
He had just come in hopes of free beer,
But across the warehouse he then did hear,
“These users, these humans, they make me so sick!”
Mediocre Bot sputtered, wielding a Meh selfie stick,
“They think that these deals are all just a game!”
And tried to, in rage, our dear Fukos maim.
“Hey, you can’t go and bust peoples’ stuff!”
Glen yelled in an attempt to sound all tough.
“They pay for this shit, even if it’s all junk,
It’s funny to see what they ordered when drunk.”
“Then give me something else I can take,
Think quickly with these precious Fuko lives at stake.”
Glen pondered and pondered, but he’d hit a snag,
Until his eyes wandered to yon Fuko bags.
“Of course, the actual bags, that’ll hit them deep!”
And Mediocre Bot did take them all to keep.
Glen bid farewell to the dastardly thief,
Thinking “Crisis averted,” he sighed with relief.
Little did Glen know that the Mehtizens would riot,
"If it didn’t have the bag then I wouldn’t buy it!"
Thus Dave now has Glen sowing a new bunch from scratch,
So fingers are crossed he doesn’t screw up this batch.
- 27 comments, 47 replies
- Comment
So…
Non-existent green bags were hinted at?
@mflassy
ಠ_ಠ
@woodhouse Stop stirring.
@ThomasF stirring? is he not just peering?
Wut?
Either the bags grow in tidy Fuko gardens or farms where they are sown, or poor Glen is tied to a sewing machine. I really like the Fuko gardens idea.
/giphy farm rows
@OldCatLady I see visions of green.
Piles upon piles of Fukos to see
But not one for the GoaT to be…
Whah.
I’m ever so clever, thought @ThomasF with a grin.
The users will certainly enjoy this tale that I spin.
He had hoped beyond hope we’d all be amused.
Sadly, we stare blankly; sufficiently confused.
It seems to me this is a flimsy excuse.
To prepare us for impending fuko abuse.
One shouldn’t test us this frantic time of year.
Fukos bring joy and that’s being sincere.
Mess this up and you’ll feel collective wrath.
Something much worse than a neoprene bath.
So just stick to the script and send us the crap.
At least, that’s what I’ll be asking for on Santa’s lap.
Happy Holidays,
medz
@medz
I’m ever so clever, thought @medz with a grin.
A delay, well then poetic threats I will spin.
Hoped beyond hope I’d be all enthused,
And perhaps not feeling too verbally abused.
It seems to me this but a flimsy excuse.
To deliver dire text in a manner like Seuss.
One shouldn’t rhyme just to instill some fear
In one who is trying to keep up the cheer.
We mess this up, and we’ll feel your wrath.
Trust me on this, we’ve done all the math.
But don’t think we’ve left you in a five dollar trap,
We’ll send out your Glen-damned bags in a snap.
@ThomasF
So sorry to have committed this sin.
I hope you’ll allow me to post again.
Twas not my intent for the forum misused.
I’ll try in the future to be more subdued.
Pokin’ fun is my only excuse.
It’s true, as I’m sure you already deduce.
Just to make it myself perfectly clear,
I’d never actually harm you, my dear.
I’m sure my fuko will soon be on its path,
And eventually I’ll bask in the aftermath.
Until then, I’ll just shut my filthy trap.
That’s it for now, I still have presents to wrap.
Seasons Greetings.
medz
I wonder why @tHumperchick isn’t updating EVERY DAMN THREAD about this???
@therealjrn Heckle me more, see what happens. Wait… don’t do that. I don’t have time to harass you back enough. Damnit.
@Thumperchick sorry/not sorry
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
So how’s that in house printing thing working out for you?
The reason meh was able to double the number of fukos is becoming apparent.
So, you’re just trying to increase our anticipation, right? Right?!!
@cinoclav Yes. Also your trepidation.
@cinoclav @ThomasF Or our constipation.
/image sowing
/image sewing
/image suing
@narfcake
Oddly, searching for videos of sewing catshirts just brings up no-sew videos of making shirts for cats.
@narfcake I see visions of green.
@ThomasF Green … sowing …
And meh does sell MOTA products from time to time …
And Irk is usually in Washington …
@narfcake
/giphy sowing sewing
I just now listened to this.
IT IS AMAZING. I can just imagine this music blasting out in the warehouse.
@therealjrn That’s the music we get to hear on game nights! There was a Halloween one that was cool too.
@sammydog01 @therealjrn
@therealjrn I transcribed Something Went Terribly Wrong for a retro remix with Game Night
Holiday permutations naturally ensued.
/image I shall wait
/giphy Fuko Woe
/giphy Wake me up before they go go
/giphy I’ll just wait here patiently
I wonder if they expect those of us with a spare fuko (or, gasp! fuku!) bag to send it in out of a surplus of generosity and housecleaning…
What? We’re not getting Fuku bags with our Fuku’s? Could that really be? Oh god! Hyperventilating! Breathe, breathe. It’ll be okay. Wah!!!
/giphy Crying
@squishybrain There will be bags. Glen is seeing to it.
@ThomasF @sammydog01 @therealjrn @narfcake @Shrdlu @Kdemo @mikibell Wait, are we going to have to sew them ourselves again? Or is Glen in a windowless building full of grow lights, having sown hemp seeds to be used in the manufacture of fabric for said bags? Inquiring minds want to know.
@OldCatLady Glen currently:
@ThomasF Life’s worth living again!
@OldCatLady Man, oh man, I was really confused. I’ve been ignoring this thread since, well, early Tuesday, or so. I do recall the discussion of the bags, but since I never, EVER, try for these Fuko/Fuku things, I wasn’t too concerned about the bags, or lack thereof.
Thanks for including me, just the same. It’s nice to be remembered. :-}
@Shrdlu Just trying to stir things up. You’re welcome.
@ThomasF - If I remember correctly, this is the first fuku image that shows the bag empty. If that’s the case, the bag is kind of crucial.
Take your time, we’ll wait.
One word:
Rumpelstiltskin.
@OldCatLady how many are needed? we could silk screen them…we could embroider them… or even heat transfer vinyl… where and when?
@mikibell @KDemo I dunno, but Rumpelstiltskin needs to keep busy. Maybe it should be a prison industry; someone with small hands could be taught to do the work.
@KDemo
*Note: Artist’s Rendition
@ThomasF - The most brilliant of recycling advancements! Likely cleans up a candy corn Superfund site, while providing gainful employment for old Rump.
Thinking you should start polishing your Nobel acceptance speech.
@KDemo I tried to polish my acceptance speech, but it just ended up smudging and erasing everything on the paper.
@ThomasF - Try writing it on a green Fuku bag - Oh. Um, wait . . .
Sorry to be dense, but did someone actually steal the bags or was that metaphorical?
@SSteve Allegorical
/giphy metaphysical
/giphy metamucil
/giphy Metallica
/giphy metastatized
/giphy metabolized
/giphy metamorphic
@SSteve mathematical!
/giphy mathematical
@lysdexia
/Giphy necrothread
@ignorant
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
@Ignorant @lysdexia
/image necro post gif
This pleases me.
@Ignorant
Was front page before I got here.
/giphy nobody saw me do it
@Ignorant @RiotDemon
This too pleases me.
/giphy metaphor
/giphy ill-wispy-fritter just shipped tho
Glen has outdone himself. My fuko shipped.
/giphy unsuitable-grateful-grapefruit
/image thanks glen-bama
9x9x9 & 2.2lbs…
Yay! "Your meh.com order of Fukobukuro 18: Meh-rathon Edition has shipped."
Same “9x9x9 & 2.2lbs”…must be a placeholder, right?
Really “36x36x110, too heavy for the scales”…one must dream big?
@Circuitbrkr yeah 9x9x9 2.2 lbs. i can think of lots of things that would fit in there and would be worth 5 dollars. Or I’ll take a lb of gold well wrapped.
/giphy spicy-thankless-strawberry
on the way!
The fukos go out weighing 2.2! Hurrah! Hurrah!
@Ellipse Basically 1 kilogram.
/giphy metric system!