Office Wars
4There has been a minor proliferation of implements of destruction and annoyance at our office lately. First a pair of small single shot nerf guns that shot whistling darts. Then a couple more. Then someone brought in a bag of kazoos for a teambuilding exercise that have diaspora’d out into the general environment. Then a box of whistling dart reloads to replace confiscated and ‘kept’ ones. So far no super soakers since we’re a computer support office. but I wouldn’t put it past some of my coworkers… And nobody is claiming responsibility for the initial introduction of these devices or the continued
I had looked at a USB or phone driven missile launcher atop my cube but they either suck or cost $40+. So I looked for nerf and found an Arms Race Special that absolutely plucks at the heartstrings but its nearly $100 and might be considered excessive escalation… and might hasten the appearance of waterguns that would get the whole thing shut down by management: 
So I’m looking for recommendations for a winning office wars purchase that pushes the limits but not too far, annoys the vile miscreants now lording their popguns over those of us too good natured to shoot back (until now), and isn’t too pricy. Got a mobile or USB missile launcher source I missed? Got the secret track on Meh having an office wars capable sale coming up? Source of cheap, discontinued nerf repeaters to shock and awe the popguns?
Assistance is needed!
/image cubicle wars
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Woot screaming monkeys?
@msklzannie Thought about it as I do have a few left. One flaming cape monkey still sits on my cubicle. I’m told too large/heavy/destructive; if they bounce off someone or a cubicle wall they could knock over a tumbler or mug, or damage equipment.
Small darts seem to be ok so far.
Not recommended for work but this brought up an old memory for me. Back in the grade school days I used to make homemade blow gun darts. I used pins with a cone made out of tape then blew them through a straw. It’s amazing how many 4th graders still refused to narc on you with a pin dart sticking out of their back.
@cinoclav Definitely out of the question. We used to use the aluminum headed push pins with a tail made of tape. After hours and not thrown at each other. You could use them in a blowgun of adequate diameter or throw them like darts.
@cinoclav Ha…how could I have missed this post before I posted my blowgun!
@mfladd All that blowing can lead to premature posting.
Now for the recommended for work post…
Go old school - catapult style!
They sell additional ammo but you might want to consider something a little softer (and cheaper) like these foam balls:
@cinoclav Possibility…
Go Ninja style.
https://www.amazon.com/Office-Ninja-Blowguns-Target-Indoors/dp/B007ULMG72/ref=pd_bxgy_200_img_2?_encoding=UTF8&pd_rd_i=B007ULMG72&pd_rd_r=AKQQ4Q62J4CSY5FSNCDQ&pd_rd_w=fA10j&pd_rd_wg=pNwZw&psc=1&refRID=AKQQ4Q62J4CSY5FSNCDQ
Send some marshmallows flying.
@pitamuffin Mmmm, possibilities I sense.
@pitamuffin I was scrolling to the bottom anxious to post this idea.
They also make them more the style of Nerf guns. Repeater action, shoot further than you’d expect, and ammo is cheap and who cares if people keep it?
Nerf gun mods exist
https://www.google.com/amp/m.wikihow.com/Modify-a-Nerf-Gun%3Famp%3D1
There’s always the Annoy-A-Tron from ThinkGeek.
On the missile launcher front, maybe this will work: https://www.newegg.com/Product/Product.aspx?Item=01Z-00KR-00002 Under $30 with shipping.
@dashcloud Thanks for the options. The Newegg one (how could I forget to check Newegg?) seems to have a pretty spotty rep for continued usability and very inconsistent range, per reviews at multiple sites. It also doesn’t have the webcam for sorta-aiming capabilities (part of the too expensive models, I guess).
I may just have to bite the bullet and spend more money to get a decent one. I’m also finding it hard to not go overboard on the nerf front… but ratcheting up the arms race too quickly really could be counterproductive.
Who knew there was such a market for workplace artillery? Any suggestions for something I can set and forget?
@elimanningface I remember reading on a tech forum some years ago that someone worked out the API for one of the USB missile launchers with built in targeting webcam in it. Used generic Linux motion detection and camera control (PTZ) software to track movement and aim the missiles, then launched once a moving object stopped for a few seconds. I tried finding that site/thread but didn’t have any luck…
KOOSH BALLS!
(they make for excellent office lobbing)
think of the coffee spills
@cranky1950 That’s why I’m not going for the larger longer range nerf bazookas and crew served weapon classes.
/image axniper
My “office” was once on tall ships and sometimes on a tug boat. This particular office war took place on the Susan Constant on the James River near the James River Bridge and downtown Newport News… anyway we had cannons - real ones. New ones. A friend was out early that morning too (A Saturday and it was maybe, if people were lucky, 6:30am) on the tug I sometimes worked… We turn the ship so he can’t see our new cannons. We radio. Have innocent small talk. We ask if he wants a beer…We load the beer can down the bore of the cannon, add the gun powder, fuse…turn the ship, light it and shoot. Big bang and a nice arc though the air. Sends 1000’s of birds off the James River Bridge (pretty spectacular to see that). Echoes all over downtown (try sleeping through that!). He fishes the beer can out of the River, opens it and all we hear is sputtering on the radio… hah - shake can via a cannon and then in the waves, open it immediately. You can imagine the rest.
Related to office wars are, of course, the dorm pranks. Fill a room with balloons, wadded up newspaper (yes I know this ‘dates’ me) - both times they then ended up in the elevators and sent to the first floor… Paint all the lightbulbs in the hall black (retaliation was them to paint ours red), tape a zillion strips of paper from the ceiling and they hung down to one’s knees, fill the bathtubs and shower stalls with snow…