Let's Play Mafia, Day 4: Doing The Bandits' Job For Them

Miss @Sammydog01, I sure do hope you have a carrot for Jethro. And I’ve got two jugs of sarsaparrilla syrup for you, but I need the jugs back. I guess that won’t be no problem supplyn’ your own 'cause @therealjrn says that you got two real nice jugs yourself.

@Barney @therealjrn sure is a sweettalker- ah jes hope he finds that wallet soon. An we be hidin- more frum each other than the bandits truth be told.

@Barney @sammydog01 @therealjrn I dont see how we’re hiding from each other when we’re all somewhere in the saloon eyeballing each other suspiciously…of course there’s a few still upstairs “asleep”

@amehzinggrace @Barney @sammydog01 I aint gonna nominate nobody–it’s time fer thems that always hang back to do sum nominatin’

@Barney Thems the purdiest wagon ah evar did seen. Lookin forward to Jethro’s visit. Maybe ah can git a ride?

@sammydog01 Tell ya what, @sammydog01, Jethro and I will take ya down to the fishless fishing hole for a picnic next time we’re in town. I’ll even let ya drive the purple buggy for a little while. How’s that?

Howdy, Miss @tnhillbillygal. Your look’n mighty fine today, even if you are just a tad green around the gills.

@tnhillbillygal Practice ma dearie, lots of practice.

@metaphore I agree. There’s been a few times that that jrn was accused and the person wound up dead. I don think that’s a cooenceedence.

@metaphore @RiotDemon I shore iz no bandit.
¯\_(ツ)_/¯

@metaphore @therealjrn sounds like sumthin a bandit would say.

@metaphore @RiotDemon But I aint no bandit!

@RiotDemon @therealjrn I don’t trust anyone in this town anymore. The bandits sure are good at getting us to turn on each other. I know I’m no bandit. Now I could be wrong, but something just don’t sit right about @therealjrn. And he don’t even care to hide the fact he’s been pilfering the deceased town folk before their bodies even go cold.

@metaphore @RiotDemon Now I aint never seen a funeral hearse a-towin’ a wagon. Thems departed aint gonna be needin’ worldly possessions no more.

@metaphore @therealjrn but they ain’t even dead ten minutes.

@metaphore @RiotDemon Dead is dead. Twernt no expery-ation date that I wuz awares of.

@metaphore if that’s a nomination for @therealjrn, here is a second. Though I’ve still got my eyes on @tnhillbillygal, you raise a fine point that ought t’be looked into.

@djslack @metaphore @tnhillbillygal That twernt no real nominashun ya idjit. Do ye want to get nominated? Because that’s how ya gets nominated.

@djslack @sammydog01 has been teaching me and if you look too long, I’lls have to charge ya. I gots a fluffy to take care of since stardate820926 left them responsibilities to me.

@Barney Imma rightcha hear Judge. You best be askin’ @Sammydog01 ‘bout that there fancy pichure takin’ box. I over heared her talkin’ with @tnhillbillygal ‘bout the upcomin’ legislator’s convention.

Why I think those gals are planning on taking some compromising pictchures of our fine representators! I do indeed Judge.

@therealjrn I guess I’ll haveta look into this. But you better remember, I got my eye on you.

@Barney Ya knows I respect the law as much as tha next man…but I reckon y’all already juiced me out of a right fine buggy…whar did ye get that lawyerin’ paper?

@therealjrn You questining my legal authority? Remember who’s court you will be in if you’re ever caught stealing from the dead.

Anyway, that buggy was my dear recently departed cousin @Medz’s and I had the legal rights to it.

@Barney @medz You know, down ‘round these here parts itz wut sheriff @Moose sez that goes…you better would be payin’ 'tention to wat da sheriff sez.

I came by that wagon fair-n-square and you done took off with it! I caint imagine nobody killin’ off a sittin’ judge…but nowadays…ya jest caint tell…

:looks soulfully off into the distance:

@Barney Did she menshun that purty churchin dress? askin fer a frien.

@sammydog01 Will ya tell your friend that she’s being buried in that purty churchin dress?

@Barney @sammydog01 Well that’s kinda silly aint it? Seems a waste of a good dress if’n yer axing me.

@Barney @therealjrn Ma thougts xactly. Afer them hours in the pond that there dress aint gonna help her looks. Unles’n you done put it over her face.

@sammydog01 @therealjrn Hey, don’t shoot the messenger. Um, about that shootn’ part, y’all knows that that’s just a figger of speech, right?

@Barney @sammydog01 That’s ma fav-or-rite kind! I guess ya al’ready knew dat.

@therealjrn Don’t drink it all up. Leave some for the late comers.

@Barney Why thankee, don’ mind if’n I do. These hear times makes man thirsty.

@therealjrn I’m warnin’ you, your pushn’ your luck.

@Barney Now, didn’t ya say @stardate820926 wanted this? Set me up barkeep!

I’m here for my drink. Better grab it before this one steals it all.

@RiotDemon Well hay thar missy! Can I getcha a drink?

@therealjrn looks like you already got a few.

@RiotDemon Yep, I surely am fond of da drink. So’s how about chue? I aint no bandit but I shore can be generous…ya know whut I means?

What’s a pretty demon like you doin’ in a place like this?

A toast in the memory of @stardate820926. Star was a good person who left this earth too soon.

@therealjrn just saying my goodbyes.

I have a horse to look after. Should be giving birth any minute now.

Thanks for the drink, stardate820926.

Evenin.
Tips non-existent hat

@RiotDemon No hat huh? Thems be sum strange behavior out here on the range…Whar you say yer from?

@therealjrn well I recon with Star payin the tab, I think lots of people are takin advantage of the hospit-lity and “nappin” upstairs. Sammy is gonna have a good week

@therealjrn @tinamarie1974 Who knew kiltin off townsfolk be so good fer bidness? Meybe it were the free liqer. Ah been bizier than ants at a picnic.

Complications.

Funny how you and jrn are making the best out of every one dyin round here.

@sammydog01 meanwhile, what about all the other people that ain’t been talkin?

@RiotDemon Point takun. How bout @CaptAmehrican, @djslack, @metaphore, @metaphore, and @tinamarie1974. How bout some talkin bout these here bandits? You folks be mighty suspicius.

@CaptAmehrican @djslack @metaphore @RiotDemon @sammydog01 @tinamarie1974 ‘speshully that @metaphore and his brother @metaphore. thems be lookin’ mighty guilty.

@CaptAmehrican @djslack @metaphore @RiotDemon @sammydog01 I’m not sure why y all keep pointing the finger of sus-pic-ion on me. I don’t think you like the competition on my farm, but you have plenty of business with JRN…what he doesn’t steal anyway…

@sammydog01 @metaphore done spoke up a while back up in this thread. I think I’m with’im.

As for all this drinkin’ and partyin’, I wish stardate a nice sendoff, but I’m out a-tendin my land yesterday and today. Assuming I survive this part of our town’s story, no point in letting my land go all wild.

@CaptAmehrican @djslack @metaphore @RiotDemon @sammydog01 @tinamarie1974 Thems departed wood want it that way…why if’n we could ax them thay wood says the same. Thayz practically beggin’ somebody to make good use of their baubles.

@tinamarie1974 Ah perfer customrs what pay me.

@sammydog01 @tinamarie1974 Now now my dearie Sammy, y’all knows Imma good fer it. Payday’s coming any day now.

@sammydog01 @therealjrn I didn’t know you had a job? You thinkin you gonna get an in-her-etence?

@sammydog01 @tinamarie1974 Naw missy, Imma the pro-pry-eh-tor of the finest bath house fer miles aroun’. Can I offer ye a comp-lee-men-tarry Turkish massage?

@sammydog01 @therealjrn i knew about the bath house, but I heard all the massages were kom-ple-men-tree

@sammydog01 @tinamarie1974 Well then, let’s getcha out of them thar duds and get ta mas-sage-in’.

@therealjrn is business pickin’ up down at that ol’ rub-n-tug you call a “bath house”? Or is your payday coming from all these increased levels of banditry about town?

If’n you ain’t nominated, you’re nominated now.

If’n you is nominated, you’re seconded.

Call me a idjit again. Thievin’ off all our’n dead townsfolk in this dwindlin’ town before the bodies is even cold and then a-braggin’ about it like you done something good. You oughta be right ashamed. Sure is behavior becomin’ a bandit.

Now people might not vote for ya on account of you owin’ em payments, but they oughta be able to collect from you just like you’ve collected from our other dead.

@djslack rub-n-tug? a common rub-n-tug? Why thems be fightin’ words! Yessir! Now aye didn’t say I was goin’ to be a nominatin’ but mister, you done did it now.

I think this here jackal @djslack needs some rope therapy 'round his purty neck. I nomi-a-shun this here bandit @djslack. Ken I gets a second? Ya damn idjit.

If my biggest sin is callin’ a rub-n-tug a rub-n-tug an’ that’s what I hang fer, at least I’ll go with a clearer conscience than the likes of you. The way we’s going, being nominated for the noose today only puts my demise about three day ahead of schedule anyway. At least we’re getting something moving in the bowels of what we call justice around here.

Somebody come on and second the nomination I’ve made. @Therealjrn has shown his character here and the biggest thing it’s done is further convinced me that I’m right.

@djslack Lookie here folks, that damn idjit @djslack has gone and sullied ma good name. A rub-n-tug aint nowhere nears what the quality Turkish mass-ages we offer for da weary travelerz. Ken I gets a second to ma nom-nation?

@djslack I second the vote for @therealjrn

@djslack @metaphore Wut 'bout yer brother @metaphore @metaphore? Ware he run off to?

@therealjrn All your drinking’s got you seein double. I ain’t got no brother. But if I did she would vote for you too.

@metaphore hrrrumph. These proceedin’s be revoltin’ I tells ya. I aint no bandit!

@therealjrn Ain’t none of us bandits, or so I keep hearin. Yet every night another one of us innocent folks ends up dead. Sure, you might not be a bandit, the only way I would know for sure was if I was in on the killin with you. But you’ve been acting mighty suspicious in more ways than just violating the dead. I’m not the only one that noticed it. If you ain’t a bandit than you’re being used by em. If you ain’t a bandit then look to your friends and see why they trying to make you take the fall.

@metaphore I aint no bandit missy.

@therealjrn Ain’t me you need to convince of nothing. I only got the one vote. The rest of the town get their say. Though, the way I see it the only way you can save your own skin is to send one of your bandit friends to the gallows in your place. Don’t know how well that would go over with them, but hey, no honor amongst thieves right?
Speaking of, all those that were so quick to help you send innocent people to their death are oddly quiet now that you’ve started to look guilty.

@metaphore Well, I suppose this might be my last day to see that pretty sunrise o’vr the fishless fishin’ hole. Since y’all done want me to swing. Jest 'member, I know whar the gold be buried. Y’all aint never gonna find that gold without me.

@metaphore @therealjrn I gots no clue as to who the bandits bein, mayhaps even @therealjrn, but ah do believe in America and the durn right to vote with more than one candidate, so ahm gona nominate @tinamarie1974 agin since no one else gots the balls to show their chicken heads. Ifn someone else gots a differnt opinion convince me to vote fer someone else. Plusn if he hangs I gets me no dollars un he owes me plenty.

@metaphore @sammydog01 @therealjrn Ima getting tired of bein picked on by my compatetion…she a wants my fancy corset and my little black book of buzness!

I’m a gonna nominate Ms. @sammydog01. She seems to be in the center of the activity, busy as a bee they say. Ole Sammy seems easy to throw suspicions away from herself, even though JRN’s stuff keeps a comin up a missing when he goes to her a-stab-lish-meh-nt. Sticky fingers mehby?

I recon my guess is as good as any

@metaphore @therealjrn @tinamarie1974 All ah done is be neighbor like an frindly and y’all accusin me of kiltin folks.

Sorry everrbody. Had some kinfolk ride into town and been by the crick with them. Seems like there’s still lots of accusating going on round here. Did I miss much at the saloon? laces up dancin’ boots

This day’s getting a mite long, it oughta be dark soon. We got nominations and retaliatory nominations, but only one second so far. Can we get any other seconds so we can vote afore nightfall?

@tnhillbillygal I think everyone is finally sleepin’ it off…

the ballot, as it stands now:

@sammydog01 and @tinamarie1974 have nominated each other here and here, with no seconds

@djslack has nominated @therealjrn here and has been seconded by @metaphore here

@amehzinggrace @CaptAmehrican @RiotDemon @tnhillbillygal Any of you care to second?

@Moose Meybe we should jes hang @therealjrn and call it a day?

@Moose @sammydog01 @therealjrn I second that

@amehzinggrace @Moose @sammydog01 I reckon y’all didn’t come up with a vote. Looks like I might escape that hangman yet.

@Moose can’t we all just vote for him and call it a day? I dun see a point to second anyone else.

@Moose @sammydog01 I agree. Is ther any room in tha town laws that sez we has to have two?

@Moose @tnhillbillygal Ah gots to say ifn we kilt off @therealjrn ah hopes some of you aint afrid to step up and chat some. Ah aint want to feel like ahm in here playing wif maself. Ah mean by mahself.

@amehzinggrace @sammydog01 @riotdemon @tnhillbillygal well shoot, if’n everybody so confident then why don’t somebody just second somebody else for formality’s sake?

@amehzinggrace @Moose @RiotDemon @tnhillbillygal Ah already dun used up mah vote.

@amehzinggrace @Moose @RiotDemon @sammydog01 cuz we’z told that a second is an implied vote and that we ought not second sumbody we ain’t intending on voting for.

@Moose @sammydog01 @therealjrn I’z try to chatter as much as I can but with the kinfolk in town, it gets a might difficult to steal away and chat here at the saloon. I’ll try to sneak away for a drink, er uh, chat more often…

@Moose @sammydog01 @therealjrn @tnhillbillygal
Ditto…i second that we just hang @therealjrn and call it a day

@tnhillbillygal cross your fingers that one vote don’t end up making a difference then I s’pose

@Moose @tnhillbillygal Oh fer heavuns sake jes second me sum one.

@Moose @sammydog01 I’ll do it jus fer the sake of a vote but no hard feelings please, I’ll second the nomination for @sammydog01

@Moose @sammydog01 @tnhillbillygal Imma smellin’ me something rotten here–“no hard feelings”? You sendin’ somebody up fer nomination to the gallows and you say “No hard feelings”? Ha.

@Barney

IQ of a gnat.

/image objection

gnats have great teamwork

@Barney @communist Now wut’s ya tryin’ to say stranger? We aint in no ca-hoots. Ceptin’ them bandits…pretty shure those them be in cahoots.

@Barney @communist @therealjrn I think that there red bellied city dweller is sayin’ that callin’ us gnats is doin’ gnats a disservice. Get on before we decide you’s a bandit too, slicker!

@Moose Y’all never going to find that gold without me.

@Moose Ah hates to voes fer mah coworker but am gonna anyway. @therealjrn to that there gallows.

@Moose I vote for therealjrn if I can. If not, I guess you’d have to default me to my second. I don’t wanna see my saloon mentor go to the gallows though! That might drive a gal to drink…more.

@Moose I put my money on @therealjrn today.

@djslack @Moose Hey! No wagerin’! This be a clean saloon. We always do ever’y thing right proper 'round here.

@Moose I vote @therealjrn

@Moose This here iz startin’ to feel kinda personal. Y’all gonna miss ole TRJ when Imma gone.

@Moose @therealjrn who do you figure will be takin your personal effects when you’re gone? Should we wait five minutes?

@Moose @RiotDemon Well I reckon I don’t have much 'cept’in this here gold brooch that sez: Presented to Judge Barney in deep appreciation of all you’ve done for the residents and passerby of Sore Butte. It is with great gratitude that we present this solid gold brooch with the warmest regards for the recipient, Judge Barney.

The printin’ kinda little–but I suppose my gal @sammydog01 might like it.

I vote for @therealjrn
I hope he was guilty

@amehzinggrace I aint. Y’all sendin’ an innocent, pure man such as myself to the gallows! May the good Lord have mercy on your soul.

@therealjrn
I’m pretty sure God has abandoned this town

@amehzinggrace @therealjrn was he ever here?

@amehzinggrace I always sez: “God helps thems that help themselves.” I caint help it if the helpin’ be particular’ly rich lately.

@Moose My vote’s for @therealjrn

@metaphore @Moose Surprize, surprise. Little, “I’ll second his hangin’ twice” :snort: You bandits ar gonna getcha yer comeuppance.

@therealjrn I only second it the one time. You’re the one that made up a brother for me to try and throw blame my way. All I did was point out all the things you did that made me suspicious. And all you said for yourself was that you didn’t do it. You had a chance to make your case but all you did was make the rest of town think no one else even needed to be looked at. Ain’t my fault your sticky fingers got you in this mess.

@Moose we missin anyone for this here vote? Im a might tired and need to rest a spell out in yonder field

@Moose @tinamarie1974 All ya gots ta do iz lay there.

@Moose @therealjrn hummmm…no that’s not rightly fun who told you that?

@tinamarie1974 Yer votin’ fer @sammydog01? I shore hate to see a rope mess up that purty neck of hers…

But I reckon I’ll have to join you with a vote fer the primest filly 'round these here parts (so our standards might be a little low) our very own @sammydog01.

@therealjrn Alh bein missin your sweet-talkin self after yall hang- bandit or not you been the nicest feller her bouts (cept fer Judge @Barney). And ifn you do be a bandit thankee fer not puttin me six feet under.

@therealjrn Ifn ah recall proper that there Kane weren’t much fer drinkin. Best of luck wif that.

@sammydog01 Ah…lets see here. A long life of sobi’ety or swingin’ from a rope…hmm. That there’s a herd choice missy, yes indeed.

@CaptAmehrican It aint ‘bout what you think is theivin’

It’s tha killin’ that’s gots folks riled up. How ye vote missy?

@CaptAmehrican @therealjrn I guessin she needs to vote, but at this point does it matter? Sorry but things r nut lukkin gud fur u

@CaptAmehrican @tinamarie1974 Naw, they aint…Imma lookin’s at that fast horse…I mights need to blow town fast. You take this solid gold brooch fer dat horse?

@CaptAmehrican @therealjrn that brouch is solid but I don’t think it is gold. It turned @Barneys chest green!

@CaptAmehrican that’s not a vote but in the interest of moving the game along this counts as an abstention. And you’re welcome.

@tinamarie1974 Ah done moved on up ta managmint.

@tinamarie1974 Ya knoe, she always liked being on top.

@Moose told yas

@Kevin Ah bin nominatin that there @tinamarie1974 twice un she still be kickin.

@Moose oh wait, therealjrn isn’t a bandit? wow i read that wrong

@Kevin Like yall didnt know alredy.

@Kevin @sammydog01 Dagummit. You would reckon that just dumb luck would mean we get one right before we alls dead.

@Kevin @sammydog01 @tnhillbillygal

I am predicting we’ll lose this…and the bandits will win…

@Kevin @tnhillbillygal Our odds a pickin a bandit keep gettin better.

@Kevin @sammydog01 @tnhillbillygal @Kevin be ded baby

@Kevin @sammydog01 @tnhillbillygal As imma I

Good luck y’all

@Moose well Ill be! Ima so glad I didn’t vote for @therealjrn. He had his stocky fingers issues, but that poor guy!

@therealjrn you ain’t safe here in SoCal either.

@therealjrn I’m going to assume you’re dead, why would the bandits send a message to @moose if you hadn’t been kilt yet?

@Ignorant Yeahbutt no crime against humamity huh?
:spit:
Amatuer.

@therealjrn no you’re dead, read again

@Moose @RiotDemon Missy, Imma ritecha hear in SoCal. I weren’t no bandit, but I reckon the townies are inna heap o trouble.

@Moose You fuckers. (xx)

Sorry ghost @therealjrn – you said everything I’d expect a bandit to say.

Guess it’s nighttime, I’m goin to sleep. Long day…

@djslack It’s A-OK thar @djslack’r

ya fuck’r

ya damn idjit

@djslack agree. Turns out @therealjrn was just a corpse robber instead.