Let's play "I have never"

@JasonToon I am withholding my star on the advice of my lawyer.

@JasonToon Define been to jail… I have toured it with my cub scouts to show what it looks like and where you don’t want to end up – do I star or not star?

@mikibell I mean “incarcerated in jail”, not just visited a jail.

@JasonToon phewww… that would not be good if the goat was behind bars…

@JasonToon ive visited someone in jail. Does that count

@JasonToon I worked in a jail (bldg mechanic). Yes, jail is bad.

@JasonToon does Cozumel count?

@jbartus Yes.

@jbartus Just barely. Especially if you only stepped off a cruise ship for an hour or so.

@RiotDemon Does Narita international airport count?

@RiotDemon
Escargot. There was a lot of garlic butter involved.

@f00l as Henri Betti would say “c’est si bon…”

@pitamuffin how long do you have to stay on it to have it count as riding?

@don No clue…let’s say 5 seconds.

@pitamuffin Can you say you have done this if you have to hang on to something while you ride it?

@RiotDemon I’ve done it twice. The first time I blacked out when I let go of the plane. Luckily it was a static line jump so the 'chute opened automatically and I was floating to the ground when I came to.

@SSteve So you blacked out the first time and you tried it again? You’re crazy!

@Barney Yep. At least the second time was tandem so I was just along for the ride. What I learned that time was that free fall makes me profoundly nauseated. I spent the whole trip with my eyes screwed shut trying (and, luckily, succeeding) to avoid throwing up on my guide who was spinning us around and pointing out all the sights I wasn’t seeing. I decided then that there would be no third time.

@SSteve That was a very good decision.

@RiotDemon at 11:14 am Friday “I have never been on a plane” was posted. As of right now 66 people said that statement applied to them. At 11:15 am Friday “I have never parachuted” was posted, and as of now only 6 people have starred it… why is there so much pride in saying you’ve never flown in a plane but shame in acknowledging you haven’t jumped out of one?

Oh wait, I get it now, maybe my misunderstanding was due to the fact that I’ve been playing wrong but adhering to the rules as I interpreted them. <hic>

@belowi you star it if you’ve done it.

@f00l do those mechanical saddles in TX bars count?

@mollama
I suppose you need a second post for mechanical bulls? I’ll add one.

@f00l But you are pretty good at shooting the bull.

@Barney
Just call me Annie Oakley.
/giphy "annie oakley"

@f00l
@Barney
I’m sure Annie Oakley looked exactly like that.

@RiotDemon Just a bear claw.

@RiotDemon I have to have one for work but I don’t own it!

@don I use one at work. It just confirmed that I never want to own one.

@RiotDemon
Honestly, this is the one I most regret having to star.

@DVDBZN I was about to say a similar thing. I’m not proud of this fact.

@moondrake I am assuming that this deserves a star from everyone who has never lived in the US.

@katylava

It’s not a real place despite what maps will tell you.

@PlacidPenguin Wait…it’s not? o_O Where the heck am I then?

@Knightp

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

@PlacidPenguin Purim Sameach, by the way.

@PlacidPenguin And Shabbat Shalom!

@PantHeist define “successfully”

@harrison let’s say keep 3+ balls going for at least 2 rotations.

@PantHeist I own juggling clubs…

@cinoclav It’s something I wish I could do

@PantHeist 8 so far - we could start our own circus!

@pitamuffin let’s see… https://meh.com/forum/topics/lets-play-i-have-never#58c2ee2d37cdae02acbb4b5c

@PantHeist One of the problems with beginning juggling is that people try to start with a shower pattern. While it looks much slower and easier it’s more difficult than a standard cascade. The shower requires faster hand motions with one hand going up and down and the other moving left and right. It can get confusing quickly. The cascade puts both hands moving in the same types of circles and requires slower hand movements although it appears the balls are traveling faster due to them crossing. I suggest putting 3 balls on a table and moving them in the cascade pattern to get an idea of where they should be going.

Shower:

Cascade:

@cinoclav Interesting, I never put enough research into it to find that there were names for these things. I figured out the shower when I was fairly young and can still do it somewhat reliably when I’m eating oranges or whatever, though at some point I was told the cascade was the ‘right’ way, but I never quite got the hang of it.

@brhfl You’d be surprised how many variations there are with even just three balls.
http://libraryofjuggling.com/

@cinoclav iiinteresting… I’m guna have to try this when I’m not drunk. I’ve only attempted shower

@PantHeist Yes, start with cascade. And stand with a wall in front of you, so errant tosses don’t have you chasing all over the room.

@PantHeist When I was in high school, I decided I wanted to learn to juggle. I put a slit into 3 tennis balls and filled them with a bunch of pennies. That prevented them from rolling around too much. Stayed in my room until I mastered it (mostly). Took about 3 hours. It’s like riding a bike now – I always seem able to do it, even without doing so for years at time.

@pitamuffin OR start with bean bags so that when you miss they don’t roll anywhere. That is what I started with. And with cascade as I had no clue there was any other way (did this as a kid).

I can Cascade with scarves. Balls, not so much

@PantHeist I own balls, torches, knives, fire-balls…it’s not a problem…

@tightwad I’m surprised how many meh users can juggle. As far as knives go- I can spin (so they rotate in the air perpendicular to the ground for a few seconds) bottles, knives and machetes and catch the handle, but that’s about the extent of it. Definitely not guna try to juggle a knife.

@PantHeist total nudity or topless? and do we star it if we wore clothes but was at the topless beach?

@mikibell I intended total nudity

@PantHeist then nope, not me

@PantHeist why would you, unless under duress?

@PantHeist I was dragged here by my parents with no consideration on my part, but since I did not leave when they did I starred this.

@mfladd
Let me know when you’re ready to start begging.
/image “san jacinto monument”

@PantHeist Good for you!

@Barney
Love Kansas that much, do ya?

@f00l Ha, nope. I’ll shut up.

@Barney Ol’ Sammy may be leaving soon though!

@medz I’ll kick in 5 bucks for his plane ticket.

@PantHeist I had a job interview in Sugarland. They said don’t worry about all the sheriffs cars in the field across the street- they’re just looking for the murder weapon. I would have taken the job anyway.

@sammydog01 lol, not the best first impression

@sammydog01
So did you live in Sugarland? Or will you live in Sugarland?

@f00l Nope, didn’t get an offer.

@PantHeist only if meh gives me a job

@sammydog01
Sorry you didn’t get that chance, at least for a while.

Spielberg’s first feature film was Sugarland Express.
Damned good film, too. Goldie Hawn is great in it.

Trailer

Full film - about an a hour and a half.

@PlacidPenguin Does this count if I asked my writers to add to the count in the product stories?

@dave

Have you yourself directly added to the count?

@PlacidPenguin
Fuck that count.

@Moose Someone tried once, but was unsuccessful. Does that count?

@Moose if by mugged pickpocketed counts. Yes. Yes I have.

@PlacidPenguin ooooo…lets see how many flaskers will be honest about this question…hmmm

@mfladd

While that was the intent, unfortunately I just realized that this question has a loophole.

Probably should have written “current boss”.

@mfladd what’s a flasker?

@moonhat
A flasker is a Mediocre Labs employee. They have a little flash by their uid.

@PantHeist - Rubber band.

@KDemo
I am also a victim in that way. Both as target, and as drive-by accident.

@KDemo @PantHeist spit ball

@matthew

Does watching parts of it sporadically count?

@matthew I have never even wanted to

Anybody who wanted to see it but couldn’t, in the course of 20 years, find two spare hours in which to make it happen, has really desperately got to get his/her shit together

@matthew I never watched the whole thing. Just FF to the end. The rest is crap.

I got bored and had sex through much of it.

@katylava This makes me sad, one of my all time favorite movies.

@mikibell
???

@f00l nope… never… too much of a control freak.

@mikibell if I had one dink for each of my stars above I would be drunk now

@don I lost count of my stars…but more than 2 drinks and I would be out like a light!

@mikibell am now!

@PlacidPenguin I’ve cursed meh for my success in getting a Fuku/Fuko.

@lichme I dropped mine this morning and shattered it

@Sabre99 I actually bought my first Auto trans car 2 years ago, a Jeep Patriot. 50 yrs of manual trans.
I do buy my wife only automatics though…

@Sabre99 My only car was an automatic. To be fair, I was 19 and generally afraid of driving.

@someRiverNoise just doo eeet

I think if I’ve never before lied in this game, but then I star this one, it then means I have now lied. But that makes my star no longer a lie, which then means I now have not lied (and should not star the post).

@dave

@dave
/giphy infinite recursion

I’m confused.

@matthew too many negatives – I am not sure how to answer.

@matthew what if it wasn’t a fail but a conscious decision to not click (>2 years and I’ve only clicked on my 1st and/or 2nd anniversary of joining)

@conandlibrarian that’s oddly specific

@conandlibrarian huh?

@katylava well, I have a feeling a lot of people in California have dealt with this.

@mfladd ok, maybe mine was a downer.

@conandlibrarian

@conandlibrarian “Up in flames” is maybe too strong (it was more broken windows and tear gas), and I didn’t live there anymore when it happened. But there was some post-Ferguson ruckus in the neighborhood I spent most of my life in, Tower Grove. (And literally just outside the door of Woot’s last St. Louis office.) Very surreal to watch it happening on TV.

@conandlibrarian Yep. There’s a reason why wood shake shingles have been banned here in new construction since 1989.

@conandlibrarian When I was a wee thing summering in Alabama with my grandmother we saw my apartment block in Detroit on tv in flames during the race riots of the 60’s. It took us all day to reach my parents by phone to make sure they were okay.

We had a serial arsonist in our neighborhood several years ago… And 18 months ago a gas line ignited blowing up 3 buildings and damaging buildings for blocks. The fireball shook our windows and you could see the fireball from our house, but we were okay.

@RiotDemon The closest I’ve gotten is gefilte fish. I had a kosher friend who brought interesting foods for lunch a college and he let me try a bit of everything.

@RiotDemon I spent an entire year in Norway without eating lutefisk.

@RiotDemon A long time ago . . .
"You know what this cod needs?"
I dunno, maybe salt?
"Not salt."
Ummm, maybe a squeeze of lemon?
"Not sure that’s what’s missing"
How about lye. Y’know the stuff we use to clear clogged pipes?
“YES! That’s what this fish is missing - a caustic liquid to make this a yummy dish.”

@SSteve I lived there for over seven. I don’t know how I got so lucky.

@moondrake that’s more like a fish meatball.
Andrew Zimmern’s description here of the texture makes you just want to run out and get some.

@RiotDemon Hah! Almost 30 hours later… and still no stars. We have a winner of a “I never…”!

@RedOak - I thought the object was to get the most votes.
I could be wrong . . .

@RedOak - Now that I look again, it seems people are playing both ways.

You have to admit, it’s a lot more challenging to find something that you haven’t done, but everyone else has. What makes you different?

Whatever, still fun.

@someRiverNoise what about accidents, like typing Whitehouse.com and only realizing after the site comes up that it is .gov, or googling something like “pipe fitting narrow space” (for fixing plumbing in a crawl space under your house to get helpful hints) or “Bare Naked Ladies” (the band) or the like and finding the suggested site was not what you were looking for.

@mollama I was painting daisies as part of my mural on the front of my house and mentioned to a co-worker that I couldn’t remember what color their centers were. He Googled “daisy images” on his work computer and got a bunch of pictures of girls in Daisy Dukes in erotic poses and a few wearing nothing at all. This was in a workplace where they monitored that sort of thing closely, but I told him that he should be okay on a Google search as long as none of those pages were opened. I’ve visited plenty of NSFW websites at home but never work. I used to subscribe to Playgirl. I had one open as a reference while sculpting and my friend said he was shocked to see porn actually used for art. I told him it’s a lot cheaper than hiring a nude moeel.

@mollama @someRiverNoise

As long as you don’t go to the suggested site, it’s probably not considered visited.

@PlacidPenguin im thinking more like you can’t tell from the blurb on google results, so you clicked the link and went “ahhh, back button, back button where is the back button?” So you would have been counted on their “we’ve had xxxx visitors today” log but you were only there long enough to realize you’d taken the wrong spur on the Information Superhighway. Since it count in the log I guess it’s a star, but I can’t imagine under that definition anyone hasn’t done that at least once.

@someRiverNoise I’ve mentioned this on here previously. I used to work for an e-commerce company where we originally just ran sporting good websites. We would go online to compare prices and items with other sites. One day, in a very loud voice, one of our CS gals yelled out, “Oh my God - whatever you do, do not go to Dicks.com!” We all had a good laugh imagining the red face we couldn’t see behind her cubicle wall. They finally got smart and bought that domain name and it now redirects to dickssportinggoods.

@someRiverNoise Does this include Meh?

@denboy I’m going to add that I’ve never actually picked boogers out of someone’s nose.

@denboy I have picked my kids noses many times.

@mfladd My family used to use those nose suction devices on babies so I used them on my younger siblings.

@denboy my wife’s. She hated it.

@PantHeist my partner stuck his tongue in my nose once. It was… Interesting.

@mfladd I’ve cleaned my daughter’s nose with tissues but never stuck my finger up her nose which is what I consider picking. Maybe I’m letter her down?

@RiotDemon and by interesting, you mean slimy, strange yet not horrible?

@denboy it wasn’t the worst thing that’s ever happened to me. I was shocked, but not revolted. I wouldn’t ask for it again, however.

@denboy
This is not on my bucket list.

@f00l thank you, dilemma solved.

@f00l you dont know what you are missing…

@tinamarie1974
Where did you ride one? How much does it resemble riding a bucking bronc?

@f00l PBR bar in STL. I lasted about 45 seconds. It is really hard and I hurt in places I didnt know existed for days. But it was worth it!!

@tinamarie1974

@PantHeist It was only a couple of feet off the ground, though. I did balance beam in like the third grade and we tied a rope between trees and tried walking on it with mixed success.

@SSteve I wish!!

@SSteve it’s overrated

@SSteve baby and doggy

@dave I have, but it has probably been more than 25 years

@dave On the flip side, I DIY. Too many manage to fuck it up (AKA why my truck had to have the oil pan removed, a new pipe bung welded, and an AN fitting + cap installed) not to mention some close but indirect experience.

A friend’s friend started out in HS at a … let’s call them Iffy Boob, to protect the innocent. Hired and was already working, but wasn’t tested until weeks later. So when that time came, he forgot one task on the checklist.

• Fill the oil.

Mind you, the customer’s car was started already, though he did shut it off after 20 seconds as the oil light stayed on.

He said that of the three that was tested that day, he did the best because he only “missed one task”.

@dave I have growing up, many times. Since moving to ill-annoy not so much; the driveway is too sloped and the newer cars are a PITA to get to the oil filter.

@dave I used to go to an oil-change chain place, until their highly-trained teenagers fucked up the car (installed wrong filter,it blew out down the road).
I now buy HQ filters & synthetic oil at Costco or Walmart for half the price & it’s done correctly.
If I could find someone that gives a shit about doing a good job, I’d love to take my car there…

@mollama do white russians count?

@mollama I was at a restaurant the other day and did this and the waitress started teasing me about ordering a kids drink. Another time I headed straight to the restroom while my husband got the table and ordered our drinks (he got a soda) and the waiter assumed it was “for a daughter” so brought it in a kids cup. I thought it was cute but he was mortified, so we tipped him nice to show no issue.

@PantHeist nope, White Russian are ordering vodka with milk. Milk is not the point of the drink, just something to smooth out the vodka.

@mollama Kahlua too- that’s why I occasionally like them. Reminds me of Christmas when I was a kid.

@mollama Does chocolate milk count?

@msklzannie ohhh now, that I might have to star… crap…

@msklzannie yes

@mollama I milk.

@mikibell I’ve never bought cigarettes but I used to go out drinking with friends. After a few, I’d bum a Benson & Hedges Menthol 100 off my friend Mary. That was back when you could smoke in bars in California.

@SSteve I have, however, purchased cigarettes, before age limits were enforced. My mom would send us to the corner store to buy them for her.

@mikibell
Smoked a few puffs of one of those clove ciggies once, in HS. That’s it.

No nicotine ciggies.

@mikibell Took a puff of one of my Dad’s cigarettes surreptitiously… never again. It sucked. I also occasionally bought them for my Dad when he was ill or otherwise; I remember buying them from vending machines too.

@duodec I remember them being sold in a vending machine in a restaurant, but only when you mentioned it… Those seemed more regulated in my young mind?? Or maybe I just never had access to that much change?

@mikibell I smoked a peace pipe once but never a cigarrette.

@moondrake what is burned in a peace pipe? I remember as a kid thinking it was steam…very duh of me!

@mikibell I honestly don’t know. I was supposed to have a regular garden wedding in the mountains of Ruidoso and at the last minute the pastor I’d hired to do the ceremony backed out, saying he was double booked. My Maid of Honor was half Native American and her dad was a shaman legally licensed to marry, so my wedding got transformed to a Native American ceremony. We wore traditional wedding gown and tux, but the ceremony honored the four directions, the spirits of Earth and Sky, and included the peace pipe. Didn’t know what was in it but it smelled wonderful. It was one of those disasters that end up being good fortune as the ceremony was more meaningful to me than the traditional one would have been.

@SSteve
You don’t need to. And the pace of digital life doesn’t mix well with being that wasted, and that laid out and messed up for that long.

In the 60’s there was this great thing called free time. Still works pretty well today, if you can get your hands on some that hasn’t been stomped on.
It was a way better trip than acid. I recommend you try it, if you can find a source for it.

@f00l I usually have to go away from home to get Free Time. Last year I had some when we visited friends in L.A. I happen to be enjoying some right now in Yosemite Valley.

@SSteve
Yosemite - I hear you can get free time there that’s fine.

@SSteve the first time I ever did LSD was a free sample from alt.drugs.hard. They probably didn’t realize I was in high school

@SSteve Psilocybin, Easier ride, no nasty-weird-crazy-shit stuff. At least not in my experience.

@magic_cave
@SSteve

Yeah 'shrooms and mescaline are way easier on the body. X may or may not be, depending on how it’s made - I found it to be not nearly as trippy as LSD, but just as exhausting to experience. And there are all these various new concoctions I’ve never tried, since I quit doing all that well before I turned 30.

But you don’t need to ingest stuff to get the idea, now. In the 60’s, people were coming out of the straightlaced “company man” “red scare” 1950’s. Morality and patriotism were seen by much of the adult population as being very hard-edged black and white. The government and large corporations told the truth. Conformity was the thing.

But the kids coming up in the new world - children raised in a world of tv and other mass media, and of nuclear annihilation, and of seeing the govt lie lie lie, had other ideas. Drugs were one of the tools used to crack the culture open - but they were also incredibly dangerous, and for many people they were paths to indulgence and self-deception.

The basic idea of drugs as entertainment is this: if you ingest certain psychoactive chemicals, you can experience different moods, slightly or strongly modify your thoughts, emotions, or perceptions for a while. But many of these are risky, even if the formulations are what they purport to be. And who knows what’s actually in what you can get your hands on.

And most of them are somewhat hard on the body - amphetamines, acid, x (and its variations) can be very very hard on the body and mind. Someone can be debilitated for days or even a week afterwards, and that’s assuming it was a good experience.

Does anyone need to take drugs these days to understand that perception and mood are plastic? You can get similar experiences from electronic meditation tools and VR/CGI experiences. And then be ready to return to normal life in good shape.

John Lennon is purported to have taken thousands of acid trips after the Beatles broke up, trying somehow to reach some kind of deep understanding of acid, or reality, or himself. I suspect what he finally figured out was that he didn’t need to take acid.

I hope no one feels that if they avoid hallucinogens or other psychoactive drugs, they are somehow “missing something”. The “cultural knowledge” that came from psychoactive drug use back then - as valuable as such knowledge is or isn’t - has been incorporated into the culture now. No one needs drugs to know that they are capable of “tripping”. And no great knowledge comes from tripping, per se. What strong and good knowledge we possess comes from living with as much (non-drug-related) insight as we can gather.

@brhfl both of mine were Nolle prosequi, though.

@brhfl Moving violation or parking? If parking counts, then I’ve had 2. Otherwise only a written warning for speeding once.

@msklzannie Yep, I intended to include parking. I’ve had one warning for speeding as well. But I drive maybe thrice a year these days, so that’s a big part of it…

@brhfl “Never have I ever” where I come from.

@mikibell Oh, wow, I went to high school with Nolle Prosequi. Didn’t know she was a traffic cop now. How’s her family situation nowadays?

@harrison smh

@harrison

@brhfl Do you have a drivers license?

@medz

Don’t judge me!

@mfladd nice. That beats truck bed, trampoline, swimming pool (didn’t work), and football field end zone.

@medz ok, the trampoline one has me really intrigued about the possibilities.

@medz - Swimming pool can work. Hot tubs, too.

@KDemo maybe if it’s full of lube instead of water

@medz
You know, in Manhattan, there are all these tall buildings. Not the famous ones, WTC or Empire State or whatever. Just your ordinary 20-40 story apartment building or co-op or whatever.

And many of those buildings have roof access for the residents. And often the rooftops are deserted about 4am, and sometimes the weather is really nice …

@medz in the snow can be fun.

@medz so how are you classifying sex…vaginal, oral, etc? What counts?

@tinamarie1974 something has to get wet

@medz or at my catholic grade school…because, why not?

@f00l

I should mention that the roofs of many of these tall buildings in Manhattan are often surrounded by a number of other nearby buildings, many of which are taller.

Many apartments in Manhattan, esp in hi-rises, have telescopes.

@medz does a parking deck count as outdoors or does that mean I can only think of 23 locations so far…

@medz does sexual apply to the dreams too??

@mikibell Yes. Sexual dreams only. Others are likely too common.

@medz phewww… saved again…

@medz I found this funny but the fact that it is still 0 is sad

@don Well now it’s 1. I was hoping it would be @barney, but oh well.

@SSteve Gee thanks. Hmm… I guess I could break out the purple sex toys that you introduced me to.

@Barney Are you sure that was me?

Haha. Is there another @SSteve?
https://meh.com/forum/topics/purple-was-the-most-popular-choice-for-device-color

@medz does irk count? I think if anyone thinks glen counts… I think they may have a crush on someone else…

@sohmageek I guess…

@Barney Oh, yeah. I guess I did.

@PlacidPenguin and you a penguin…shame shame shame…

@PlacidPenguin define swim… I can keep head above water and float indefinitely in salt water… fresh water not so much. I’m a sinker- I can walk around on the bottom of a pool.

@PantHeist

Try the Dead Sea. You can practically walk on that.

@f00l one day.

@Kidsandliz @PlacidPenguin

http://shirt.woot.com/offers/poorly-prepared-penguin

@DrunkCat I space out at times, does that count?

@DrunkCat I once dreamt I was on a space ship going to the center of the universe. In that dream I was with someone who was disabled and that person was enjoying the no gravity thus no disability…

Paging @simssj I think it’s story time!

@DaveInSoCal um, oops… I’ve been “totally spaced out.” Does that count?

@PlacidPenguin At least you didn’t say never working for the Mouse or dressing up as an animated character …

@narfcake

You’ve worked for WB? I’d say I’m surprised, but that would be a lie.

@RiotDemon

That would explain some of the Tom & Jerry cartoons coming to mind when I read some of your posts.

@PlacidPenguin Also see above.

@narfcake

I saw. I don’t want to go down that road. Or at least not publicly.

@PlacidPenguin They were not related, though. And the projects were at the studios or various buildings in Burbank and Glendale, not Anaheim.

Costume character was Cuddles (of Happy Tree Friends) at SDCC. There may be pics and/or videos posted somewhere.

@narfcake

https://meh.com/forum/topics/important-fuko-news#5847ae8b4f1595c00ac6f06e

@PlacidPenguin Bah! You and your search skills!

@narfcake

I remember that conversation.

@PlacidPenguin I starred that by accident.

@PlacidPenguin I loved Tom and Jerry though.

@mfladd
Hunted, yes. Killed, no.
I was not serious about hunting.

@mfladd for a year I only ate animals I killed myself because I was upset about factory farming.

@PantHeist
That’s kind of cool.

@f00l It was interesting for sure. I definitely ate less meat having to do it that way too. I’d still do it if I had the time.

@RiotDemon
Have done so trying to avoid an idiot.

@RiotDemon I assume this doesn’t include passing zones where such a thing is legal?

@brhfl nope. I do that often. I meant more like in a different country where it’s the “wrong” side of the road.

@RiotDemon UK and several islands in the carib.

@KDemo
You never went purple then?

@f00l - Not yet. You?

@KDemo
I played with henna for a while. So I had the tints. Then it was too much trouble and I quit.

@Kidsandliz

@Kidsandliz
Your loss.

@f00l no - they stink, need bathed, need walked, jump up on you, slobber on you, bark way too much…

@Kidsandliz
Your loss.

@Kidsandliz As opposed to the hundred disease carrying cat shaped neighborhood pests that use my whole freaking yard as a toilet? It’s funny you say that dogs stink, given the the number of products intended to make sure your house doesn’t stink of cat piss and poo. Dogs generally don’t shit in the house. They only jump on you, slobber on you and bark too much when they have not been properly trained, and needing walks is a plus, not a minus. I have owned and loved cats, but this insistence among cat lovers dumping on man’s best friend is just sad. Methinks the cat lovers doth protest too much.

I have owned cats and dogs. They both have pros and cons. I love them both.

@moondrake Neighbor dogs I have taken care of - some of them are trained to shit in the house on pads and some don’t bother to do so at times. When I was living at someone’s house I had to walk their two stupid dogs twice a day, rain or shine. Sure I got about 4 miles of walking in a day but there were days I had absolutely no desire to do that. Especially when it was 100+ degrees with 99% humidity or freezing cold and pouring rain. Neighbors had their dogs running loose and I worried about dog fights (and I was bit in the back of my calf by one of those running loose damn dogs). My cats all shit in dirt boxes, my house does not smell of piss or poo, I don’t use nor buy any of those products because I don’t need to… and my cats do not roam the neighborhood. The dogs behind me are put out to bark for 45 minutes before the sun rises… I will never, ever own dogs. I hate them. Each to their own.

@Kidsandliz I like the upgraded version of CAT …

http://shirt.woot.com/offers/new-and-improved-3

@Kidsandliz

no - they stink, need bathed, need walked, jump up on you, slobber on you, bark way too much…

It probably is better that you don’t own a dog.

@RiotDemon I miss having dogs. They used to clean up the cat crap from the yard and cleaning up dog crap was much easier.

@lisaviolet Their breath must have been something special.

@sammydog01 My vet joked about it. When Junior was diagnosed with diabetes and was put on a regimented diet, I worried about it. But the vet said he’d be okay. He was.

@Barney
I’ve been to Arizona.

@f00l Do you think we’ll get to Heaven?

@Barney
Sure. Of course.

This one.

@f00l Well then, I guess we’ll be doing this:

@Barney
Unfortunately that’s not Dylan singing. His infringement people are pretty fanatic.

First this:

Then this:

I might be doing this after I get there:
Hell, I think I was at this concert.

@f00l Yeah, you’re right. I should have realized this because Dylan can’t sing.

@Barney Ouch!

@Barney
@brhfl
Yeah, he can sing. When he wants to.

I can’t find a cleaned up version on YouTube, so here’s a 45 of
"Lay Lady Lay".

@KDemo
The game ends?

@KDemo i am getting sober again…no stars lately…

@mikibell Come up for a weekend. We’ll get you shitfaced and check some of these off.

@PantHeist oh no…lifetime goal of NOT praying to a porcelain god.
Did I see somewhere that you are moving from Maine?

@mikibell Ehhh, you’ll be fine.

I live in Maine now- giant house on the southern coast because it’s dirt cheap in the winter, but I get kicked out when tourist season roles around. I’m spending the summer in Columbus, OH though. If it’s nice might stay for awhile.

@PantHeist Don’t know how it is these days but they used to have a fantastic outdoor arts and crafts show (I lived there for 4 years).

@Kidsandliz I’ll have to look. I hear they have a great zoo. Of course I prefer to go to zoos in the winter… maybe I’ll go on a rainy day.

I can’t imagine too many people will be starring this.

@Barney Your loss. We weep for you.

@Barney That’s so sad.
They;re the best thing to happen to Foxboro since Allis Chalmers left town

FFS @barney! Patriots get me cheap coffee . Ok maybe I was a little harsh. Fixed it!

@katylava hated it but was required to try it.

@katylava Seriously yummy.

@katylava I ate it for the first time about two months ago. Not my cup of tea.

@f00l We used to go to Chincoteague, VA every summer for vacation. Without fail, there would be a storm and my dad would have us evacuate for a night. One time my mom and I convinced him to let the two of us stay and we went to the beach. It was beautiful.

Interestingly (to me anyway) when I met my wife I was on a stint of living with my parents in NJ. Hurricane Sandy was coming, and my parents evacuated. I refused to because I was going to Hallomas (my favorite band’s annual Halloween show). It was in NYC. On my way in I had a great time, despite the only open gas stations being powered by gas generators. No tolls, no traffic headed in the same direction as me. Usually Hallomas was insanely crowded, but this time it was almost empty because there was a hurricane. Met her, followed her back to a party, she followed me back to my parents for a week (where there was no electricity, water, or heat), the rest is history.

@f00l Flood of '93. Pretty much my entire town was evacuated. My family (and many others) stayed in the gyms at my high school (it’s up “the hill”). National Guard slept in shifts so we couldn’t even play in the gyms. I was a little too young to fill sandbags. The man who was in charge of watching the kids set off my creep-o-meter. Years later I heard the local librarian say he wasn’t allowed to check out children’s books any more.

@f00l I’ve been evacuated from buildings that were on fire and into storm cellars during tornado alerts but not from an entire town, which is what I assumed was meant.

@f00l Neighborhood on fire. 500 acres burned but no houses.

@f00l active shooters count right? (My ex-neighbor)

@sohmageek
I would think so.

@f00l I had to evacuate when a wildfire threatened, and then burned, my brothers house down.

@f00l do school fire drills count…?

@jbartus I was THIS close to a tornado…but I never saw it…

I think this is a photo of where I was, but we were on the other side of the street.

@mikibell

@jbartus I would like to not be able to star this one, but I’ve been in three (yep, I survived) and had so many close calls that I can no longer count them. I’ve got to get away from here. Someday… Maybe.

@jbartus I have seen one closer than storm chasers get, saw one starting, saw the aftermath of the Moore, OK one from 5 miles away and luckily had already moved when one tore through the neighborhood I used to live in, including tearing up the house I used to live in. I. Do. Not. Like. Tornados. Hurricanes I will take - those you can run away from. Tornados, earthquakes, floods, forest fires (a major grass fire - they were burning hundreds of acres of wheat fields and it got out of control) came within a mile of my house) umm no thank you (yeah I know hurricanes have floods but you can leave).

@jbartus

Seen a few - 2? - from a good distance. Fucking scary but they evaporated. Got underground anyway asap.

Hid from a few that did a lot of damage but didn’t get that close to me.

Tornados are why we have tornado-proof construction rules.
Oh, wait, we don’t.

@jbartus When I lived in Georgia my apartment was right across the street from a hospital. All day I heard sirens, I thought they were just ambulances. Turns out they were storm sirens. Spent most of the day upstairs watching netflix in bed. Went out for a cigarette, saw one- didn’t really know what to make of it. Went back in and told my (then girlfriend, now wife) who was from Georgia about it and she freaked out.

@jbartus Had one go over the college campus in Flushing NY where I work … I’m not at all aware of how the boundaries of a tornado are measured, but I was less than 100 yards from a building that was literally ripped to shreds. I recall reading that the college lost almost 700 trees in total. Fortunately, no injuries at all to anyone I knew and only one death IIRC; could have been much worse.

When I got home a few hours later, I discovered it had traveled over my neighborhood. It topped (to a height of the surrounding rowhouses) and/or toppled most of the trees one block south and several blocks north of my home. Fortunately, my block had few trees on it and my car was undamaged. I have pix of about 50 destroyed cars (eg. a mini-van chopped in half) within four blocks of my front door. Our building lost a few roofing tiles, but really had almost no damage.

@jbartus Oh I forgot about the water spout - not sure if that counts as a tornado but it acts like one although those are short lived and narrow in their path of distruction. When it came on shore it engulfed my house in a lightening ball with me inside - was amazing - opaque white at the windows (literally couldn’t see through it - far denser and brighter than fog but not so bright that it hurt the eyes) and shook the entire house at the same as a huge bang.

The cats were looking out the window, jumped off the table right before it happened (and were running bellies scraping the ground) and from there on out were terrified of thunder and lightening storms (they’d hide under the bed or under furniture). Anyway a neighbor was on her porch and said my entire house vanished into a white lightening ball (or strike).

The twister part of it tore up 10 houses behind me starting with my back door neighbor. The lightening rod worked - it got melted - but nothing inside was harmed. Lost a few slate roof shingles and a back yard tree but that was about it.

@jbartus

@cranky1950 does Count Chocula count?

@mfladd

@cranky1950
I want that kitty.

@cranky1950 One of my favorite cereals of all time.

@PantHeist Left tib/fib total, 8th grade soccer, 7 mo in a cast - the itchy and scratchy show. Please who say that feeling weather changes in a break is bullshit, are bullshit.

@mfladd I’ve broken my leg, collar bone, a few fingers, and both my arms… At different times. The only break that really bothers me is my one arm where I broke it in three places and have a plate with a bunch of screws. Occasionally my collar bone, but I think that’s just because it healed slightly crooked.

ITT, we learn @RiotDemon is a cyborg.

@RiotDemon how?

@brhfl just yesterday I was talking with a friend about getting a bionic leg and becoming a cyborg.

@PantHeist leg was a slip and fall.
Fingers and one arm were from falling off two different horses.
Collar bone was from being pulled down by a horse because I was afraid he was going to run into traffic and I didn’t let go. I ended up falling perfectly on my shoulder which crunched my collar bone.
My other arm was from a car accident.

@RiotDemon @f00l Proof positive that horses are out to get us humans.

@Barney I can’t really blame the horse. The arm one, the horse slipped in mud and fell to his knees. My trainer thought I messed up his neck when I rolled over his head because he just stood there with his head hung down for several minutes.
The fingers were during a competition when I tried to barrel race the horse. The people that owned him didn’t tell me he was crazy and would buck when excited about racing.
And the collar bone… Well, I should of let go instead of trying to hold onto a thousand pounds.

@Barney
Not normally the horse’s fault. And no one said you have to get on one if you don’t want to.

@RiotDemon ouch.

@RiotDemon Horses use mind control to make you think that it’s YOUR fault.

@PantHeist
What’s included in the def?

-Broke an ankle kinda thoroughly. This one required me to see a doctor and get x-rays and wear a cast and stuff.
-Green-broke a bone above my other ankle. Ace bandages, damn it hurt.
-Green-broke a bone in my foot. Not bad. Ace bandages.
-Broke a little toe. Taped to the next toe.

Destroyed a knee, but that was ligaments and cartilage and stuff inside the knee, not bones.

@Barney
Ok, u crazy.

/giphy wild horse

@Barney they also use mind control to get you to give extra carrots.

@mfladd
You are correct. The weather talks to me thru my foot, my toe, my ankle, and that bone above my ankle.

Those spots are also talking to me right now, because I am thinking about them.

@f00l I’d count the ankle and up, so have a drink

@Barney
PS None of my fab leg injuries were from horses.

OTOH horses did dump me on my head a lot. I think all that improved me.

@f00l Yes… Yes, it probably did.

@Barney
Someday I’ll be in a good mood and vouch for you so they’ll let you into Texas.

@f00l I’ve been there once. That’s enough for me.

@f00l Strange guy, but I enjoy the show a lot.

@PantHeist The two crazed killer poodles pulled me off a stone step a few years back. I landed with a leg stuck into the wooden rail along side the path. Everything hurt a bit, but my ankle hurt a lot. Figured I’d badly sprained it. We were car-packed and ready to drive home from our vacation, and we couldn’t figure out how to do a stop at the ER for an x-ray with our worldly possessions and two dogs in the car, so we just headed home. The 8-hour drive took 13 hours, since I was in major pain each time I hobbled from the car to make a pit stop. We got home about midnight, too tired to go to the ER. The next day the nice doctor told me it was no surprise the “sprained ankle” was so painful, since the ankle was really a broken tibia. Recommendation: if you’re ever going to break bones, try to do it before 3rd grade. Little kids heal in a couple of weeks, not the 8 weeks it takes some 65+ people.

@Barney
And again, I’m happy to hear that you’re thrilled to be in Kansas.

Ya know, in spite of some degree of mono-thinking about politics (it’s changing, more slowly that I might wish), Texas can be quite a lot of fun.

Our summers are no worse than Kansas. Our winters are way better. And our state has not been scientifically proven to be flatter than a pancake.

And our Tex-Mex is way better. So is our genuine Mex and Street-Mex. And our BBQ … well, we genuinely love Kansas BBQ and steaks. Kansas does make a strong candidate for second place.

(PS Someday I’ll vouch for you so they’ll let you in without them making you go through the sheep-dip line that’s mandatory for the people from Oklahoma.)

Besides, if you lived here, you too could brag about it.
/image texas

@f00l Okay, you’ve convinced me. When can I move in with you?

I prefer breakfast in bed. I like my eggs over easy, although I prefer a Denver omelette. Ya’ll know how to make 'em there?

I’m allergic to fish and shellfish, but for the most part, I like almost everything else, or at least I’m willing to try it.

You will need to provide private quarters for Lady, mainly because she likes her privacy and she snores.

You won’t have to worry about entertaining me, I’m bringing a purple covered Kindle Paperwhite to read. It’s really nice! Plus, I can read it in the dark when you don’t pay your electric bill.

@Barney

You know that you have to get a work visa, right? I’ll sponsor you as my serf. Please make sure your housekeeping and serving skills are up to date. I’ll need references.

I’m undecided about whether you have to wear the maid’s black outfit with the apron and cap. You’ll have at least 1 hour a day off, most days.

Lady and I will enjoy the Denver Omelets. Please make sure your cookery is up to date.

@f00l Are you sweating out how I will answer you?

@Barney
No. It’s Texas. We have A/C.

I’m not sure we will be able to skip the sheep-dip station tho.