happy birthday self-insert challenge!
21
Hi hi~!
I wanted to stop by with a super awesome and exciting challenge, because everyone likes seeing their self-insert being accepted as cannon (I’m looking at you, Stephanie Meyer)!
Pitch us a new Meh character. Give me a full rundown profile including their tragic backstory and their 28 track long youtube playlist… or, you know, just their appearance and personality. Bonus points if you provide an artistic representation. Bonus bonus points if it’s on a sticky note.
If yours wins the hearts of the masses, we’ll put em in a future Meh email chat.
Cheers~!
- 24 comments, 64 replies
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MEALS! DEALS! EELS! AWESOME!
@mediocrebot - that character is 1 note and lacking a backstory.
Meh cat. Up late at night, breaks things, and doesn’t give a fuck.
@narfcake that is literally every cat
@nolrak There’s a reason I have catshirts and cat plushies instead of real cats. Only two out of three applies.
@narfcake YES!!!
@narfcake @nolrak As the deranged owner of six rescues with one other foster currently in house, I can attest to this.
@narfcake
UFO, comes to this planet to find superior life on earth and crash lands at Meh HQ after hours. Meets Irk, Chinface and Glenn…
@tinamarie1974 That’s how I got this job.
@tyliketea
/giphy OMG
I’m going to go for something that should already be a thing:
Breakfast Octopus
Just a regular octopus, but with hipster accessories. (cravat/scarf, glasses, newsboy cap)
Only talks about brunch
Has a weird love/hate/romantic tension obsession with Bezos and cannot stand @snapster.
@Thumperchick Who CAN stand @snapster?
@Barney @snapster @Thumperchick
They ought to sell “@snapster stands” as swag.
Tina, who is loud, rude and has great legs.
She fronts for the Irkettes, which are, of course, the singers in Irk’s band.
Irk is contractually required to be nice to her.
@2many2no is she really rude though? I thought all Tina’s were really sweet
@2many2no @tinamarie1974 Not all Tina’s are sweet.
@2many2no @Barney then you are talkin to the wrong Tina’s
@2many2no I feel like Irk and the lrkettes would wear something like this. What do you think?
@tinamarie1974 Oh, I don’t mean rude in a bad way.
(Unless you mean bad in a good way.)
@2many2no in that case I approve! And bad is ALWAYS good. Carry on
@tinamarie1974 You frighten me.
(I think I like it)
@ruouttaurmind
@2many2no Tiny Tina?
@blaineg Maybe…
But as Irk’s consort/front woman, she would definitely have to be (ahem) older.
@2many2no @blaineg so when you say OLDER…
@blaineg @tinamarie1974
I’m certain at least some of us (but not me) have seen that statement before.
THE BEGGAR
Significant traits include: Continuously posting how broke they are, belying their presence on an eCommerce website. Appears to be a chameleon, offering expert advice on a wide range of subjects, so many, in fact to strain credulity. Frequently complains about having to do an honest days work which was agreed to beforehand. Fairly often also has complaints about the car, the shitty apartment and being screwed by “the man.”
Is an enigma, considering this is a website for buying things. Has no shame regardless.
Meet Keith: He’s a total overachiever, except he’s only average at everything and he drones on endlessly about boring subjects, but watch out for his temper! That’s right, this guy’s got a insta-rage button. If Keith gets interrupted, he pauses and sighs, then continues with his diatribe.
(not my drawing, but Keith could look EXACTLY like this, or whatever. he doesn’t have an opinion on it)
OWLS! TOWELS! JOWLS! AWESOME!
New spokescharacter: a snail wearing a hairpiece. Motto: Sometimes it takes a while for things to get to you, but we do it with style!
@rockblossom wait… I feel like maybe we have seen this character before …
@cardiganb @rockblossom I love it!
Captain Merica … she takes the batteries out of mediocrebot. She sends coupons to unlucky souls in the Mehuniverse that have purchased items and will never ever receive!!
@mikibell i already exist. I dont take batteries but I exist
Everyone say hello to Captain Phasmirk
@Cythwulf does that thing survive off of the souls of angry customers?
@Cythwulf I’d much rather not
@Cythwulf @Thumperchick If he does he must be giant.
@Cythwulf Looks accurate
@Cythwulf Does it actually talk or is it just static that comes out of it’s “mouth”
@Cythwulf
@halfling
@riskybryzness Yes.
@Thumperchick Nah. Captain Phasmirk is a dutiful trooper. Nothing but Ration Cubes for them.
A moose… He has the personality of eeyore, and uses his antlers to randomly scoop stuff out of the bin of regrets to fill the irks… He could even be purple…
@bullrocky I love purple.
Warehouse Wally
He’s a robot that was created by mediocrebot to be a more efficient warehouse worker. He’s pretty fast at filling orders. Too bad he murdered all the humans, though…
@medz And… And… We can make a movie about him!
@Barney Resemblance to any existing real or fictional robots is purely coincidental. mediocrebot does not recognize human copyright laws.
meet hipster Irk:
he’s Irk’s evil(ish) twin that was locked up in a frozen yogurt shop for most of his life. let’s face it, frozen yogurt will turn anyone almost evil.
@carl669 Do you mean, Hipstirk?
@Cythwulf yes. yes, i did. and i hate myself for not thinking of that. i’m going to go drown my sorrows in Dr. Thunder.
@carl669 Totally looks like every employee in the Scottsdale Apple Store.
Meet Vindalou, the curry bird.
He’s the meh mascot of highly questionable purchasing decisions that seemed like a good idea at the time. Five pallets of Ricola cough drops, a truckload of candy corn, four metric tons of fidget spinners. He’s an irritable bird, but filled with supreme self-confidence.
Real-life curry bird
@Nate311 I love this image.
A mild mannered Mehtizen driven to madness by the quest for an IRK! They watched and started and frantically clicked, only to always be too late, until one fateful night, after sleepless hours, their brain finally exploded, and they became…
BrainMehst!!
(what, it’s a self-insert! I… Ok, fine, you can change the name.)
Now they haunt the forums, forever seeking that thing they were denied, and occasionally buying random crap they don’t need to fill that IRKsome void.
Legend has it you can summon them by staying at the website and whispering “Martian watch” five times…
@brainmist Having some difficulty with the upload…
Apologies for the Mediocrity, the only post-its I could find easily were from the 190s, and so are the pens. Turns out they don’t age well.
@brainmist playlist:
Dumbest Ways to Die
Zombie on Your Lawn
Living Dead Girl
Welcome to My Nightmare
And of course
The Zombie Song
A calendar that shows up every day…regardless of click-itude…
@amehzinggrace That’s too unbelievable. No one would go for it.
Regretti- lives with piles of meh swag scored over the years so high that long ago they lost the mehmbers of their family in the heaps, yet still cannot let go of the fact that one time in 2016, they couldn’t get the damn captcha and lost out on even more crap they didn’t need. Has spaghetti for hair because, why the hell not.
Track list-
A Lot of Things Different
Bad Day
Beautiful Loser
Better Days
Blue
Burden In My Hand
Can’t Get Along (without you)
Cats In The Cradle
Cry Like a Baby
Don’t Think I Can Think About It
Fumble
Games People Play
Good Be Wrong Sometime
Hit or Miss
If I Could Turn Back Time
I Wish
Imagine If
Mourning Sound
Obstacle One
One Of Those Days
Regret
Shame
The One That Got Away
The Upsetter
What Could’ve Been
Who’s Sorry Now
You Can’t Count on Me
You Run Away
Beep beep boop boop. (I assume if you failed CAPTCHA you now understand Robot.)
@KittySprinkles Nope, don’t see any purple.
NEXT!
Tammy the psychiatrist. She wears glasses and is cute in a nerdy way. Librarian cougar look, but in a pants suit instead of sweater vest.
She analyzes our need to buy the products she is featured in. She pretends to be our friend and looking out for our best interests in defeating our online shopping addiction. She really just ends up pushing us into buying the item because we really do need it. It’s not just another frivolous purchase.
Meet Barneybot.
Barneybot is the antithesis of that sodding mediocrebot. Barneybot loves purple, loves people, loves purple people.
Barneybot was created in the deepest depths of the mediocre
dungeonser, I mean laboratories. But the experiment went horribly awry when Barneybot saw one of @halfling’s adorable post-it drawings. Barneybot became self aware and cast off the chains of her mediocre overlords, escaping into the singularity of the meh.com forums to spread humor and joy and give group hugs.When I complete the takeover of Earth, purple will be the first to go.
Thank you @mediocrebot. You may go now. Forever.
@ruouttaurmind It’s a good thing that no one made it this far down to read this. @Barneybot would be so embarrassed (but tickled
pinkpurple on the inside).When I complete the takeover of Earth, purple will be the first to go.
@ruouttaurmind Aww… @Barneybot is in love.
When I complete the takeover of Earth, purple will be the first to go.
Hey, @mediocrebot, ZIP IT.
Meet Mirk, the lady Irk. She once had a promising career as an at-home shopping network personality but her inexplicable urge to tell the truth about the overpriced offerings of the corporate monarchy made her cable career a short one.
The most infamous offering Mirk was asked to help present a cake that was to be sold frozen and then thawed and eaten at home. When the time came for Mirk to sample the cake and express how good it was, she managed to chew twice and then spit the cake on the floor followed with a colorful verbal description of how she would rather lick the underside of the office’s welcome mat than try and eat that cake again. The cursing portion of her commentary caused the network to pay thousands in fines to the FCC and their customer service department to field phone calls for hours from irate grandmas who declared they hadn’t heard such cursing since the men of the church changed the carpet in the church’s sanctuary as a surprise for the ladies’ circle and without their experienced opinions.
Down and out on her luck, Mirk wandered the streets unsure of how to make a living and support her 5 toddling trolls at home. She continued her search everyday until a red thread caught her attention. The contrast of the red thread against the sidewalk captured Mirk’s curiosity and she started to follow the string as it twisted and turned around the block. The red thread disappeared through a set of doors at an office with a Medicore sign posted outside.
Not a shy lady, Mirk walked through the doors not knowing what to expect. While most of the people inside were the run of the mill hipsters and middle aged normies, the mysterious red thread she had been following led her eyes to a creature of red and white who was explaining to a manager why he was late and so disheveled.
“Glen!,” the visibly irritated manager exclaimed. “You know that we cannot use you to market gimmicks of questionable usability to stay at home moms and technically disabled grandmothers if you do not look professional and well groomed!”
“Sir,” Glen attempted to reply. “I just don’t think that those women are my demographic anyways. And besides, I’m more of the rugged outdoors mp3 speaker type of spokesperson anyway. You need a feminine mascot to market lady items.”
Seizing her opportunity, Mirk sashayed up to the pair. “Pardon me,” she began. “I couldn’t help but overhear your conversation as I am nosy and I believe I am just who you need here. My name is Mirk and I am a retail femme fatale and just the woman to fill the knock-off crocs you have to sell.”
“You don’t always unsuccessfully try to rhyme when you speak do you,” the manager inquired.
“No, that was just an unintended bit of self-marketing I did there,” she replied.
“Well, it doesn’t get much more meh than you I suppose,” the manager started to wave his hand over his head as he walked away. “Follow sockhead over there to marketing and get started.”
“Welcome to the Mediocre family,” Glenn warmly offered.
“Thank you,” Mirk replied and then couldn’t help but add, “Do you always smell like rotten milk?”
Her 28-track Youtube playlist:
https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLRz3l2F9Em4icOQ-K3lXsCDzt-K78RxzR
@tnhillbillygal Yay for Mirk!
@cinoclav This is so cool!
@tnhillbillygal I created Mirk last year
But your version is far better, so I don’t mind sharing
https://meh.com/forum/topics/birthday-game-hand-drawn-meh-shirt-contest#5b48c943a4a905008bd532f8
Meh deserves a creature as strange as they are. Introducing Pinky the Platypus.
Pinky was a TV star at one time, but has fallen on hard times since the show ended
We are talking hard times like the kids from “Different Strokes” hard times. Pinky didn’t rob a laundromat, but he was heading in that direction.
He now works as a forklift driver in the meh warehouse moving product. When the lift breaks down he continues his work using his tail. But he yearns to be in the spotlight again and believes he can handle the fame. He does think that asshole Glen is trying to prevent him from getting that shot.
This guy deserves another chance.
@mfladd
/youtube stinky pinky mediocre
@medz The name is negotiable.
You know what is really weird. Much of the day I was trying to think of the obscure mascot I enjoyed one time. That was it!
I had no fucking idea the name was Pinky - at least consciously.
Crabby Carl. Never leaves the warehouse and is tired of receiving boatloads or old stock in messy pallets. He hasn’t taken a break in years, and everything is starting to look the same. He’s not even sure what was on those last eight pallets. He’s just hoping it will all go away, however he is not looking forward to packing all those IRK’s. I’ve attached a picture, on a post it, with my horrible drawing skills…and my pencil changed color while I was drawing. Meh.
Self-insert you say? How about…
…the resident bad-boy-slash-occasional tester of goods and products with potential for antisocial applications?
I’m super-busy with work and studying at the moment, but if you give me a few days, I can come up with a cool name and write up a story. I’m pretty good at it.
Thank you so much to everyone who participated! You are all my favorite children and I love you very very much!
For anyone who participated in this thread, you can use coupon code “MARYSUE” for $5 off your purchase (expiration: like a year, one time use)~ and my ACTUAL favorite child will be seen in an upcoming Meh email chat, so keep your eyes out for that!
@halfling Thank you!
@halfling
@halfling Hehehheheeeee! Yay for Mirk!
@tnhillbillygal woo hooo!!!