Get Lost, Get Steps

Did you resolve to set a daily steps goal for 2022? Then you need this Virmee Smartwatch!

Is it as advanced and feature-rich as an Apple Watch? No! Of course not! On the other hand, it looks pretty similar, and thus might make people think you have an Apple Watch, without costing an entire twenty-spot.

And anyway, it does a lot of the basic stuff you need. It can be synched it with your phone so you can get notifications on your wrist. It has a variety of different goal-based exercise modes. It can track various health-related stats, like heart rate, stress, blood oxygen, and sleep state.

And yes, it can tell you how many steps you’ve taken throughout the day.

In other words, it’s a great tool to have if you wanna hit that 10,000 step threshold all year long! But it’s not the only thing you need. Because while it can count the steps you take, it, unfortunately, can’t make you actually take them.

For that, you’ll need a good walking strategy. Google around for some advice and you’ll probably see plenty of quote-un-quote experts out there telling you to plan a scenic walking route, or add in some hill variation, or build sunny loops for the winter and shady loops for the summer.

But we’ve got better advice. If you want to not only meet but wildly exceed your steps goal, there’s one strategy that’s better than any other: getting absolutely fucking lost!

Now, there are three main ways to get lost, and we’ll break them down one at a time:

1. Getting Lost At Home: Getting lost in your own house is one of the most difficult ways of getting lost. Generally, it requires three things: 1) A new moon; 2) a power outage; and 3) a slightly dangerous level of intoxication. Furthermore, it results in the worst numbers of all three ways of getting lost, as you will be mostly taking small, careful steps while you feel your way drunkenly from the kitchen to the bedroom. But, what it lacks in total distance traveled, it certainly makes up for in the elevated heart rate you’ll be able to achieve (which, as stated above, the Virmee will track for you).

2. Getting Lost In a City/Town: Getting lost in a city or town is a great way to really get some good steps in! The only problem? There are things like street signs and strangers to ask for directions to get you back on track, thus cutting your potential walk short. That makes it decidedly less effective than our final way of getting lost, which is…

3. Getting Lost In The Woods: This is the granddaddy of them all, steps-wise! Because there are no pesky roads or neighbors around to set you straight. There are just trees and bushes that all look the same. And the longer you’re out there, the more desperate you’re bound to get, leading you to make irrational decisions that could result in hundreds, if not thousands, of extra steps towards that goal you set.

So get yourself a good step-tracking smartwatch, and go get lost! It’s what your resolution demands!