Two-for-Tuesday: Vapur Classic Collapsible Bottle
- Vapur Model Numbers: 10105, 10104, 10123, 10100, 10125, 10121, 10124
- .5L Standard Bottle Size
- Collapses, rolls up, folds up, whatever, it’s flexible
- Reusable and dishwasher-safe
- BPA-free 3-ply construction
- Made in the USA
- Not counterfeit; stolen directly from Vapur
- Each Vapur bottle includes gratuitous color coordinated carabiner
- We both know you’re running out of excuses not to buy this
What does this bottle have in common with a nuclear warhead?
They’re both at their best when they’re not being used. You fill this bottle up with water, it behaves pretty much like any other water bottle. You launch a nuclear missile, human civilization is wiped out, which seems worse than whatever outcome you were trying to prevent by using it.
But when they do nothing, that’s when they do the most. Those nukes are the only thing stopping Ivan Cossack from pogromming all over Europe from Bucharest to the Bay of Biscay. And an empty Vapur Anti-Bottle transforms into a collapsible, flexible, foldable, reuseable, dishwashable, everythingable wonder.
You’ll never have to choose between the burden of carrying a full water bottle around or the stupidity of carrying an empty one. Those TSA goons aren’t going to make you pay extortionate Hudson News prices for a bottle of water. Just roll it, fold it, cram it, stuff it, smack it up, flip it, rub it down, oh noooo! It’ll be ready when you find some water. Today, two of them will cost you less than two bottles of bottled water. And after you’ve slaked your thirst, you won’t be left searching for a recycling bin.
The only difference between a stowed-away Vapur bottle and an idle nuclear warhead is that one is a convenient, Earth-friendly innovation and the other is a lethal menace to every living person and all our descendents. Which, on reflection, makes this a pretty stupid angle to take for this story. But it’s written and we got other shit to do, so.
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