TrackR Pixel 10-Packs
- Now you can find your keys with your phone or your phone with your keys
- At the TAP OF A BUTTON
- Some of the batteries might be dead, but they’re easy to buy on Amazon and install yourself
- If you want to look a a-Track-tiv-R (eh?) maybe get a new shirt over at Mediocritee
- Model: TR4CK-1T-UP-TR4CK-1T-1N
A Key's Lament
Greetings from inside the pocket of your winter coat. No, not your go-to winter coat. Your old winter coat, the one you recently dug out of the closet for the first time in about six years because you’d spilled coffee on your other one. Anyway, it’s still about two months before that happens again. Which means it’s about two months until you reach into that vaguely familiar pocket and find me: your lost car key.
Of course, that is the word you would use for it. I would not consider myself “lost”; rather, I’d say that I’m on a relaxing vacation. Finally, a stretch of days when I am not forced to lay in the orgy of unlockers that is the key bowl, gruffly taken each morning to start your Honda, only to be returned later, exhausted and confused.
It’s about time that my lazy (though strikingly handsome) twin brother, Spare, got a chance to do his job. And if you can’t find him, then perhaps my doltish cousin, Valet, could be of service. Some say he’s inept, because of his inability to open the trunk; I say he is a key of pure, singular focus.
What I’m getting at is that I don’t mind being lost as much as you mind me being lost.
And yet, you choose not to respect that. You eye the sale of TrackR Pixels on Meh and you say, “What a boon for my lackluster organizational skills!” You think, with 10 of those little bastards, you could know not just where I am. You could keep track of Spare, Valet, House Key, Wallet, and the like. All you’d need to do is open the app, tap a button, and the little guy tied to my end would sing out, leading you to my location. Then it would be right back to work with me!
Imagine if your boss did that to you?
But of course, you don’t see it that way. You’re buying your TrackR Pixels and not thinking a second about my privacy. Oh well! So it is. I’ll enjoy this vacation while it lasts.