The Last Candycorn

Looking back, we had some good times with candy corn. We laughed, we loved, we stuck it on our cuspids to pretend we were Draculas. But, like all good things, we knew our candy corn period had to (drag on way too long and then) come to an end someday.

It all started back when we tried to get people to buy seven-pound portions of candy corn in early August. That’s not when people buy candy corn! (When do people buy candy corn? Not frequently enough, in our experience.)

Excited by that first sale, Meh user ConAndLibrarian said “I LOVE candy corn!!! Please, if you have any left, send it all to me!!!”

And we did have some left. In fact, we had a lot left. But we did not send it to ConAndLibrarian.

Because we had a very clever plan to bundle our remaining stock with pocketknives. This, we thought, was sure to sweeten an already pretty corn-syrupy deal. But candy and cutlery, we found, are two great product categories that do not create, in combination, enough excitement in the market to clean us out of what was starting to look like much more candy corn than we should have bought.

Then there was the time in late September when we improvised a “Halloween Prep Kit” with candy corn, a flashlight, and a power bank. Meh user eeterrific predicted “What doesn’t sell goes into the fuko…”

And indeed some did fail to sell. But we did not put it in Fuko bags.

Because instead we were sure October would be prime time for candy corn commerce! Candy customers would be compiling their corn caches, and the ticket would be our EXTRAVAGANZA sale (in which people could buy three, six, or 50 bags of the stuff)!

It was not the ticket.

Flash forward to October 14th. We were still sitting on candy corn. This time we played it candy coy, subtly hinting at the candy contents of our backpack/flashlight bundle.

A week later, we were at it again, hawking a candy-corn-and-blanket bundle. Meh user AiraCobra said “enough with the damn candy corn!!” We were starting to feel the same way.

We took one more pre-Halloween stab at unloading our corn-haul in the “Best of October” bundle, and now here we are, holding the final sugary kernels of our great candy corn acquisition of 2017.

Let’s be candy clear about this: We are done with this stuff. We’re corn-fed up to here. We hope to sell every last bag of it today. But If we don’t? We’re taking whatever’s left over and dumping it in with some “lucky” customer’s order. No matter what, our candy curse is lifted!