Sutra Blow Dryer Accelerator 2000
- They call it “the shower eraser.”
- Except… like, it doesn’t erase the shower. Just the part where your hair gets wet.
- And fine, no one actually calls it that.
- But they do say that it dries hair 35% faster than other dryers, while reducing frizz and protecting against split ends!
- Comes with a diffuser, flat nozzle, and styling nozzle.
- If you’re looking for something to put in your clothing dryer, may we recommend a shirt from Mediocritee.
- Model: 20bdx-44. Oooh-la-la! The mix of numbers and lowercase letters is so REFINED!
So Much Power
Hey Jonathon, thanks for agreeing to meet on such short notice. The coffee here is the best in the city, if you ask me. Can I get you a cup? Or a cappuccino? Perhaps some espresso? Or how about a nice mug of black tea? No? Just a glass of water for you? Okay, fine.
See, Jonathon, I needed to talk to you about something. It’s come to my attention that you have a little theory. According to some of the guys in the office, I’m to believe that you think I–Joanne Clowster, a measly traffic reporter for our fine newspaper–am secretly the famed super hero, Wet Hair Woman? The very same whose hair, as the story goes, was given supernatural properties by a shower that had somehow, through an unexplainable fluke of plumbing, been connected to a mysterious well of “miracle water” from somewhere deep within the earth? And now all it takes to bring these powers to the surface is for her hair to get wet? Is that your theory? That I, a totally normal boring person, am actually the amazing Wet Hair Woman?
Ha! That’s hilarious, Jonathon. Really, it is.
I mean, I know we may look identical in many ways, Wet Hair Woman and I. And I know that I often just happen to have something to attend to out of the office whenever there are reports of diabolical crime plaguing our fine city.
But Jonathon, look at my hair. It’s totally dry. And when I returned to the office yesterday, from my… uh… what did I say? Yoga class? Right. When I returned from my 19 minute yoga class in an unnamed yoga studio that happened to coincide with Wet Hair Woman dispatching an evil wizard who encased city hall in ice–my hair dry then, as well.
So, how could it be that I’m wet hair woman? What dark magic do you think I possess that could reduce a wet head of hair to a totally dry head of hair that is without frizz and protected from split-ends in 35% less time than a typical hair dryer? Seriously, Jonathon, what could it possibly be?
Oh. So you’ve heard of the Sutra Blow Dryer Accelerator 2000. Okay. Fine.
Plan B: you’re going to stop discussing your theory with people, or I’ll take that glass of water, pour it over my head right now, and we’ll see how strong I really am. Okay?
Great! Again, thank you so much for meeting me, Jonathon! See you back in the newsroom!