The Trees Have Eyes

Esther runs terrified through the woods, her youthful nerves not yet hardened by the ordeal which would take place at the fairgrounds a year later. The day had seemed bright when she crossed the hedgerow, but surrounded by trees the darkness seemed to chase her, lapping at her heels more like a persistent tide than a shadow thrown by the fading light of a setting sun.

It pursued her. Like a dog might. Or a chicken or a pig, if you happened to be in hell, and hell was a biomass of aspen trees that seemed to pulse like a heartbeat pounding much slower than your own.

As Esther collapsed onto her knees, she remembered Miss Anastasio, her second-grade teacher. Miss Ana, she was called. Miss Ana had taught them in science class about how a forest of aspen trees were all connected at the roots, representing not an army of individual organisms, but a single gigantic entity.

This was unsettling then. And it was unsettling now.

But her teacher had also told her that trees could not scream, so even teachers make mistakes. Even Miss Ana.

For the trees were screaming now.

They squealed. They barked. They…mooed.

Esther tried to cover her face but found her chin slowly lifting upwards in the shadowy dim. In the contours of the nearest tree she saw eyes. Dead eyes. Like a chicken’s eyes.

“SQUAAAAAACK!”

She twisted herself away, only to see another face in another tree.

This one, a deer. It bleated, quietly. Matter-of-factly.

Then, it too, screamed.

They were all screaming. Contorted faces of dogs and chickens and pigs. Deer and cows. A fish.

Esther buried her face on the forest floor. Only then did she realize that the forest was not screaming at all.

Only she was.

…

And for just $18, you too can share in the fun and whimsy of these adorable and not-at-all-horrifying animal face bird feeders that attach directly to a tree or any similar surface that you wish had a face and could attract birds.

Are the animals getting ready to eat the birdseed themselves? Cheeky! Are they looking over at the neighbor’s swing set or locking eyes directly with you as you try to have your morning coffee? Depends!

Perhaps they’re luring a bird close enough to bite it in half and absorb its bird powers.

The only limit is your imagination. Your choice of pig, cow, deer, or rooster. Haunted amulet sold separately.