Cleaning House: a Meh-rathon

HAL
Your men. What certification?

MACE
Multi-purpose, sir. All of them.

HAL
And there’s your problem. Roy was all-purpose certified.

MACE
But, that can’t be. All-purpose certification is a myth.

HAL
It only feels that way because one man in the history of the Cleaning Service has achieved it.

While wiping the work laptop of Calvert Harrison, a project manager who recently left his position at the company for a comparable role with a rival, our IT department discovered a Microsoft Word file titled ‘CLEANING_HOUSE_SCREENPLAY_FOR_JS’ as well as several Notepad documents containing phone numbers and email addresses for people with a tertiary connection to Jason Statham. The screenplay was, by all indications, written on company time and therefore, per Calvert’s contract, belongs to us. So, please enjoy these excerpts and stick around all day for great deals on spring cleaning gear and stuff for getting outside. (And Mr. Statham, if you’re reading, this is available!)