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Pick-Your-6-for-Tuesday: GoldToe Socks

  • They took an oath: to keep your foot from touching your shoe. And damn if there going to go back on that now.
  • You get 6 pairs by choosing 2 3-packs, and each sock is 70% Cotton, 28% Nylon, and 2% Spandex. How’s that for some numbers?
  • The toes have been reinforced, thus ensuring your feet will remain in their fabric prison until you decide to free them.
  • Model: GM310 960, GM310 961, GM210 960, GM210 961. More like G’M0N, amirite?! Because who needs that many model numbers for socks?!
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Getting Older Socks

Transcript: Commencement Address, The Academy of Sock Design
Speaker: Edward Hillerman
Date: May 28th, 2019

To the class of 2019, I say only this: enjoy your youth, but do not lament its passing.

You might be surprised to learn that I was once like you. Yes, me, the designer of simple toe-reinforced dress socks, once sat in one of those very seats you occupy now, dreaming of a future as a radical sock designer.

My senior project had been a stocking woven of metal twine. It would have been entirely uncomfortable to wear, were it possible to put on in the first place. It was an act of rebellion against the industry I hoped would soon pay my bills. That my fellow students loved it while my professors gave it low marks due to ‘lack of practicality,’ only furthered my belief that, unlike the foot, my creativity could not be hidden away in fabric.

That was back in 1984. The sock industry was not like it is now. Those of you out there today will be given far more opportunities to embrace your wild side. You won’t have to steal your parents’ station wagon and sell it just so you have enough capital to found an experimental anarchist sockery like I did. All you’ll have to do is submit a portfolio to one of the many novelty sock manufacturers there are. Your first year designing ridiculous wack-a-doo socks, you’ll think: how will I ever tire of this? What could possibly be a better use of my talent?

But these feelings will fade. You will tire of these silly socks. You will look back on old designs of vibrantly colorful socks, socks stitched with crude jokes, or socks that are purposefully torn at the toe (thinking this could be a trend like torn jeans), and you will think… how embarrassing!

You will learn to find joy in even, subdued stripes. You will observe the subtle beauty of a tight argyle. You will see that there is a time and a place for the monochromatic. You will learn to love the simplicity of socks like those made by the company where I currently work, Gold Toe.

You will think you are losing your edge, but you will only be maturing. And again: this is nothing to be mourned. If anything, it should be celebrated, just as you should be celebrated today. And so, without further ado–friends, family, loved ones, and gathered sock fans–please rise and join me in congratulating The Academy of Sock Design, class of 2019!

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