Pick-Your-2-Pack: Liberex Electronic Nose and Ear Hair Trimmer
- With two of them, you can clean out both nostrils at once
- Whisper quiet, so no one will know you’re dealing with gnarly nose hair
- Dual-edge spinning blades
- Easy to clean
- Model: M3H-N053-WH4T5-UP
Santa's Lament
Dear Meh,
Santa Claus here, writing in with a simple question. What the fuck?
Like, seriously. What the fuck?
Here’s the thing a lot of people don’t consider: Christmas is actually my first day off in a long time. After months of preparation and one impossibly difficult night, I get home, I give a treat to the reindeer, I do a little toast at the elves’ wrap party in the workshop, I eat dinner with Mrs. Clause, and then I get a little me time.
And what do I like to do with that me time? Well, I like to buy something for myself. After all, I spend most of the year thinking about what other people want, so it’s fun to be a little selfish. With that idea in mind–a little retail therapy–I poured myself a snifter of good bourbon, plopped down in front of my computer, and navigated to my favorite deal site. And what joyous, self-indulgent item did I find?
A two-pack of nose hair trimmers, that’s what.
I’m sorry, were you all out of pocket protectors? Were you unable to source some new mousepads? Did supply chain issues put the kibosh on a thrilling lanyard and canvas bag bundle?
No shiatsu massager? No nice bottle of wine? No aromatherapy diffuser?
Look, don’t get me wrong. I get it. I’m famous for my facial hair. I know how frustrating it can be to feel that tickle in the back of your nose or to have a frozen booger stuck in a web of nostril whiskers that you can’t pick because Blitzen will absolutely lose his shit if you don’t keep two hands on the reigns at all times.
And I get it on another level, too. Most of your customers are celebrating with their families today. They’ve just received a bunch of gifts (no need to thank me, by the way) so if they visit your site at all, they’ll be looking for something simple, practical, and not so extravagant.
All I’m saying is, next year, don’t think about them. Think about me, Santa Claus. For once.
Oh, and Merry Christmas to all, or whatever.
Sincerely,
The Big Man Up North
