The Panultimate Weapon

“I don’t know, man. I don’t see how any of this is going to protect us from a ghost. Seems like a bunch of crap from around the house.”

“Oh yeah, well, check this out.”

“It’s just a pan.”

“No, dude, I swear. This pan is the ultimate weapon against ghosts.”

“How, exactly? Is it, like, consecrated or something?”

“Well, no. But it’s scratch resistant! You know what people claim angry ghosts do? Scratch people! All the haunted places have people claiming they got scratched.”

“Aren’t a lot of pans scratch resistant?”

“It’s ALSO nonstick.”

“Like many other pans.”

“Meaning when the ghost starts spewing ectoplasm at me, I have a shield.”

“Uh-huh.”

“Okay, but the handle, though. The handle doesn’t get hot! And ghosts are known to manipulate the temperature. If a ghost tries to make the pan too hot to hold, they’ve got another thing coming!”

“That’s… handy, I guess.”

“Yeah it is!”

“And still not exactly a unique property.

“…”

“Just seems like a good pan.”

“Your needless skepticism is going to jeopardize this entire operation.”

“Fine, give me the other one.”

“For protection?”

“To make some eggs.”