Cleaning House: a Meh-rathon

ROY
(into the phone)
So I just have to go around not trusting anyone I see, lest one of these freaks catches me unawares?

LESTER
(V.O.)
Sorry to say, that’s probably your best bet, Roy.

DELINQUENT 1
Hey man, you sure you don’t want a hit?

The DELINQUENT suddenly stands close to ROY.

LESTER
(V.O.)
Who was that?

ROY
(into the phone)
Just some punk kid.
(lowering the phone and turning)
Listen, buddy, I thought I already made it clear I don’t want to get high with you and your little friends.

DELINQUENT 1
But Roy…
(voice suddenly robotic)
…I wasn’t talking about that kind of hit.

While wiping the work laptop of Calvert Harrison, a project manager who recently left his position at the company for a comparable role with a rival, our IT department discovered a Microsoft Word file titled ‘CLEANING_HOUSE_SCREENPLAY_FOR_JS’ as well as several Notepad documents containing phone numbers and email addresses for people with a tertiary connection to Jason Statham. The screenplay was, by all indications, written on company time and therefore, per Calvert’s contract, belongs to us. So, please enjoy these excerpts and stick around all day for great deals on spring cleaning gear and stuff for getting outside. (And Mr. Statham, if you’re reading, this is available!)