Nutri Ninja 2-in-1 Blender and Food Processor (Refurbished)

  • One machine, two kinds of containers: one 40-ounce bowl for food processing, two 16-ounce cups for making smoothies (which they call “vitamin extraction”)
  • They call the 700-watt machine a “power pod” - these people love their euphemisms
  • The processor does all the chopping, blending, pureeing, mixing, ice crushing, etc. you’d expect, plus there’s a dough blade attachment for (drum roll please) making dough
  • “Vitamin extractor” can make smoothies with frozen fruit and ice, but our attempts at making Jolly Ranchers smoothies didn’t end well
  • Model: QB3003 (the MVP of the NFL in the year 2047 when football is played exclusively by robots)
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Christmas Songs You Haven't Had Your Fill Of Yet

Hey, Meh writer @JasonToon here to say, ugh. What have I done to myself? That heavy feeling in my gut can only mean two things: the Thanksgiving gorge-fest has happened, and the countdown to the Christmas gorge-fest has begun. When this is finally all over, we’re all going to need something like the Nutri Ninja 2-in-1 Blender and Food Processor to nurse our distressed digestive systems back to health.

Another thing we get too much of this time of year: Christmas music. For years, I thought I hated Christmas music. Then I realized, I just hated hearing the same Christmas music every year. Getting turned on to some fresh Yuletide jamz even added a little sparkle to the familiar ones, too. (Except “Jingle Bell Rock”, and any version of “The Little Drummer Boy”. My hate still stands for those.)

So, with all due respect to the undeniable classics in Pitchfork’s 50 Greatest Holiday Songs list, here are ten of my Christmas-season jams that you probably won’t hear piped into the mall. Spotify was lacking too many of these to do the playlist right, but here’s a YouTube playlist if you want to make this an autoplay Christmas.

We’ll start with Big Dee Erwin & Little Eva, swapping disses over irresistible r&b in “I Wish You a Merry Christmas” (1963):

“There’s gonna be a big fat turkey,” Buck Owens promises on “Christmas Time’s a-Comin” (1965):

The often morose Stephin Merritt of the Magnetic Fields sounds positively glowing on “Everything is One Big Christmas Tree” (2009):

The already chipper “Sleigh Ride” hits peak cheer in this 1961 version by organist Lenny Dee, whose Happy Holi-dee* album has been one of my favorites since I found it on some mp3 blog (remember those?) about ten years ago:

You can count on Ray Davies and The Kinks to bum everybody out with their grim 1977 social-realist carol of greed and violence, “Father Christmas”. At least it’s fast and catchy:

I threw in Tom Lehrer’s “(I’m Spending) Hanukkah in Santa Monica” (1990) not only as a nod to our Hebraic pals, but because of that line about spending “shavuous in East St. Louis, a charming spot but really not the spot for me”:

In the UK, which song will occupy the top spot on the charts at Christmas is a subject of heated speculation and jockeying for publicity. The Black Arts’ “Christmas Number One” (2007) imagines a glam-rocking Christmas smash so monstrous, it refuses to go away:

Let’s slow it down a little to hear the great Joe Tex promise “I’ll Make Every Day Christmas (for My Woman)” (1968) on this slow-jingle jam:

Let’s speed it up a lot with the Sonics, the Pacific Northwest’s finest '60s rockers, and “Santa Claus” (1965):

Finally, we’ll end on a down note with the whiskey-soaked 1973 Commander Cody bummer “Daddy’s Drinking Up Our Christmas”:

The problem with Christmas music isn’t that there’s too much of it; it’s that we hear the same 50 Christmas songs over and over. Share your favorite underroasted chestnuts in the forum. And if you find yourself getting a little queasy this month, it might be a problem you can solve with the “vitamin extracting” Nutri Ninja. Or you might just need some new Christmas music.

Or ditch the jingle-blare altogether with these past non-holiday weekend playlists:

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