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You know about Amazon reviews. Did you know people can post reviews of those reviews? Take the consensus masterpiece of Monster Inspiration Active Noise-Canceling Headphones reviews, the 1600-word epic “Wonderful!” by the enigmatic Shimahiro, N. Little is known about the author’s personal life, and this is his (or her? (probably his)) only known published work. But his passion for these headphones (at a list price over $300!) produced a review worthy of the excellent Active Noise Cancellation in the headphones themselves.

167 of 194 people find lines like “The Inspiration is like a slick belt that you can wear with any pair of jeans”, and the description of the Inspiration’s Active Noise Cancellation as “your music is sounding like your head is being dipped in it like a chicken nugget in Inspiration sauce” helpful. Read it. Then read it again.

Now you’re no doubt eager to explore Shimahiro, N’s work more deeply, to tease out the hidden themes, to dive through the rich layers of meaning, to dissect the soaring craftsmanship of this customer-review cathedral. The booming field of Shimahiro, N scholarship offers perhaps too much commentary for the neophyte to get a coherent perspective on.

So here’s our review of the reviews of this review of these headphones.

The “Shimahiro school” found its first acolyte in veclipse19. The student tries to match the master with his own verbose love letter to the Monster Inspiration, but only succeeds in matching his word count.

jazzbanjo’s brief but searing polemic was so controversial, it was hidden when only 2 of 10 customers found it helpful. But it drew the reclusive Shimahiro, N out of hiding to rebut the unfounded accusation of being a paid shill. Some fringe Shimahirologists have theorized that the so-called “jazzbanjo” was actually Shimahiro, N himself, stirring up a literary controversy that would give him the opportunity to directly confront the mistaken rumor that he’s on Monster’s payroll. And then Shimahiro, N (or someone claiming to be him) replied to every other review up to that point, just to keep up the ruse. Or something…?

Nekeeta offers a feminine perspective on Shimahiro, N’s work: “If no one was concerned about fashion we would all be walking around in track pants and turtle necks. Most women spend an insane amount of money on shoes that are uncomfortable, but look great.” What it lacks in critical rigor, it also lacks in anything else worthwhile.

The European school of ALL CAPS theorists is represented by JUAN MARTIN GABASTOU, who compares Shimahiro, N’s comic gifts to Seinfeld, with one difference: “But it transpires knowledge about cans.” We note only that GABASTOU speaks much better English than we speak Spanish. Or French. Or whatever kind of name JUAN MARTIN GABASTOU is.

Another comparison comes from extech, whose career advice to the author perhaps betrays an underestimation of the competitive nature of professional comedy writing: "you need to apply to SNL, the Tonight show something- I darn near ^#@%@# my pants laughing so hard while taking in the comments. " When we figure out what the ^#@%@# represents, we’ll let you know. Our working guess is “ass-damned”.

That just scratches the surface of the 32 comments on Shimahiro, N and his work. Of course, none of them can capture the spark of the original. Read it again. You’ll chuckle. You’ll think. You’ll come back here and buy these headphones.