Watchpocalypse, ow!

SCENES FROM A CONFERENCE ROOM

(Yesterday)

A Mediocre CEO: Great wholesale price on these MIO Drive Petite Heart Monitor Watches! Nice buy, whatever your name is!

That One Buyer: Uh, it’s Keith. You were the best man at my wed-

A Mediocre CEO: The important thing is that our customers will love our ridiculously low price on this perfectly adequate heart rate monitor! They’ll love the peak and resting heart rate measurements! They’ll love the 3500-calorie countdown! They’ll love the fact that despite the “petite” and “women’s” designations, it fits most normal-sized human wrists! And then they’ll love me, me, ME! Adore me, you fools! I can never get enough!

Sale Setup Berserker: How did you swing a deal this good, Kevin?

That One Buyer: It’s Keith. And I just turned on the old negotiating mojo. Yes, if there’s one thing I’ve learned in eleven-and-a-half months in this business, it’s how to charm the gold fillings out of a sales rep’s teeth. Like the frog says, my tongue is my livelihood.

Wise Old Janitor: Uh, you guys have heard that Apple’s going to be announcing an iWatch this week, right?

(Later)

That One Buyer: I’ve called all the landfills! They’re all full of unsold watches! There’s no more space left to dump these!

Sale Setup Berserker: It’s the Watchpocalypse! We’re ruined! RUINED!

A Mediocre CEO: Now everybody just calm down. Lord knows we’ve made massive mistakes before. Let’s just take a deep OH MY GOD WHAT IS THIS THING ON MY WRIST?!?

Sale Setup Berserker: It’s a non-smart watch! Aaaagghh!

A Mediocre CEO: Get it off! GET IT OFF!

Wise Old Janitor: You know, guys, even after the iWatch changes everything, regular old watches will still work. And so will these MIO Heart Rate Watches. Just put them on the site at a really low price and people will probably buy some of them.

That One Buyer: But they’re total obsolete garbage!

Wise Old Janitor: …Are you new here?