LG Music Flow P5 Portable Bluetooth Speaker with Strap Accessory Case
- Are you aware that there are speakers… that don’t need wires?!
- Look, we can tell you about its Multipoint functionality, or how you can use two speakers together, or what LG claims is its rich sound quality…
- …but in the end, if you’re going to buy this, it’s going to be because you think it looks cool.
- Model: NP5558MC, but imagine it carved into beechwood and hung over a cool old sink in a tastefully restored kitchen.
Naustealgia
The other day I went to buy some beans at a hip coffee shop. The barista told me they had one kind that was a lot different than all their other roasts, almost savory, since it had been fermented (or maybe washed? I forget) in salt water. I immediately said, yes, that is what I want. I sometimes drink sour beers just because I want to be “in” on the next new thing. I enjoy Wes Anderson movies and read Pitchfork and wear cardigans and have glasses with clear plastic frames.
My point is: there is a type of person this kind of muted faux-vintage mid-century look is designed to snare, and reader, IT ME. Like, I don’t need a bluetooth speaker, but I saw this one and was like, ‘Oh, I have been meaning to get a cool bluetooth speaker, haven’t I?’
Then I watched its ad, and it was like an identity crisis. Is this where I’m heading? Will this kind of pandering win me over some day?
Here are a few more specific thoughts I had along the way:
OO:14 - Ah, yes! I too like to splash my feet in the water and compose some poetry while listening to royalty-free music.
OO:28 - They’re laughing delightedly at a squirrel. Where are these people from? Like, I get that they could live in New York or Chicago or some other huge city… but it’s a squirrel! Is there any more ubiquitous animal than a squirrel? Do they laugh when they see pigeons or crows?
00:33 - Please don’t be a VW Bus, please don’t be a VW Bus, please don’t be a VW Bus, please don’t be a VW Bus, please don’t be a VW Bus…
00:42 - UGH!!! (Also, side note: is the girl a ghost? The camera has been very careful not to show her face, like, at all. Here she is weirdly hidden by a thin column of smoke. If so, it would make this all a bit more interesting.)
1:05 - They beautifully restored this van… but forgot a radio?
1:11 - Seriously, was there something in her contract? Did she see how annoying this was going be and was like, ‘I gotta think about my career here.’
1:13 - Surrounded by quaint natural beauty she takes a photo… of her bluetooth speaker.
1:24 - OMG, #liveauthentic!!!
Okay, that’s all there is. So, what was my point here? Mostly, I just wanted to make fun of that ad and fill this space with words, because that is a job I have. But also, more importantly, to send a message that, even those of us who are the most likely to buy into this stuff can be pushed too far.
But… damn… this thing does look cool… and it would be neat to travel around in a VW Bus.
UGHH!!!
