Names Matter This Time Of Year

If you’re shopping for yourself, you can get any food processor you want. You can take your parents’ old food processor. You can go to the thrift store, find one, search around for an outlet to make sure it spins, and take that one home. Or maybe you don’t need to go through all that trouble; maybe you just buy it as soon as you see it. If it doesn’t work, oh well! It was only a few bucks.

But if you’re getting someone a food processor as a gift, you need to do a little bit better than that. You don’t want to give your husband or wife or newly married friend something used that you’re pretty sure works. You need to give them something clean, something shiny, something new.

More than that: you need to give them a brand they’ve heard of. Because, come Christmas morning, you don’t want to have to lean over and say something like, “Chop Corp actually makes great food processors. You might not have heard of them, because they’re only sold in Kroger grocery stores in and around Columbus, Ohio. But they’re actually assembled from leftover Cuisinart and Hamilton Beach parts so that every model is functional and unique! And if you want, I watched a few youtube videos about replacing parts, so we could really ‘hack’ this thing, so to speak. Here, I have a screwdriver and soldering gun! Let’s do this!”

It’s much better to say, “It’s KitchenAid, so you know it’s good.”

If you want to say more, you can. For example, you could talk about how its drizzle basin allows for the easy incorporation of liquid ingredients. Or how it has two speeds and pulse so you can make anything from a chunky salsa to a smooth hummus. Or even how the work bowl, lid, and blade are all dishwasher safe.

But you don’t HAVE to, is the thing. When it’s a KitchenAid, you can let the name on the box do the talking for you.