A Meh-rathon of Sweet Meh-mories

This is a Kinetic Go Green Food Storage Set. You either know what that is, or can jump in the forum to ask other people about it.

Why aren’t we giving you more info? Well, we weren’t sure what to write for the Meh-rathon so we decided to look at some past Meh write-ups for inspiration. (You can find a random one here, if you want.) Unfortunately, all that did was make us nostalgic and maybe a little teary-eyed. And then the boss was all “Where’s the write-ups, writer dude?” and we panicked and… uhh… Please enjoy this classic write-up about an entirely different product! Also, feel free to share in the forum if you find one you liked or forgot about or missed entirely.

Dearest Rodrigo,

Once again, I must apologize for leaving you so long without knowledge of my whereabouts or well-being. Furthermore, I am truly sorry that I did not heed your many warnings concerning my latest undertaking.

It was just as you predicted in your last correspondence: the invitation from the elusive prince to go spelunking through the ancient caves–replete, he claimed, with stalagmites of pure gold–was a trap set by the notorious criminal Henri the Skull to avenge Sir Oliver, his cousin and childhood confident. I had barely stepped foot in the false prince’s villa (which I now know it is a property oft rented on the blackmarket to scoundrels such as Henri as a venue in which to carry out their nefarious plans) when the floor beneath me gave way.

I dropped some nearly thirty feet into a snake pit. My legs cried out in pain as I made contact with the ground, but luckily my mind remained lucid and clear. Thus, I was able to recall your splendid lesson on the ins-and-outs of reptilian pressure points and render each lunging snake unconscious with a single touch. These I then tied together into a rope of sorts, looped at the end, which I used to essentially lasso a light fixture in the room above. From there, I pulled myself out, fled to the local port, and escaped on a fishing vessel.

The captain said I could work for my passage at first, but after we’d left the port, he saw among my belongings the rope of snakes, many of which I must admit were handsome creatures, and demanded he be paid with them instead. His intention was to skin them and craft them into a matching hat and jacket set. My knowledge of snakes is much slimmer than yours, Rodrigo, but even I could tell that these were of a rare endangered species, and so I could not in good conscience hand them over.

When I told him as much, he ordered the crew upon me. They drew their swords and the fight began. I managed to hold them off with my barehands–as well as the ‘paralyzing stare’ trick shown to me by a renegade monk some years earlier–but in the scuffle, a lowly deckhand seized the snakes and delivered them to the captain. It was unfortunate timing; the snakes awoke that moment, untangled themselves, and soon the one-on-many melee had turned to each-man-for-himself pandemonium. The snakes, as it turned out, were as venomous as they were rare and beautiful.

This time, the scene was too frantic to use your stunning technique, so I hid in a steamer trunk until the ship–now rendered without crew by the slithering swarm–ran ashore. Once I was certain the snakes had all departed, I emerged and explored what turned out to be a desert island. There followed the usual progression: the building a small fortress, the discovery of a treasure, the planning of escape, the construction of a raft, etc. We’ve both been through this so many times that I won’t bore you with the details.

At any rate, I’m home now, and once again, I’m thinking of my hygiene. This time, rather than a shower, I think I’ll take a nice relaxing bath. Perhaps I shall even set out some scented candles, which I will light using one of my four Rechargeable Plasma Beam Lighters!

Until our next great adventure,
Gleg Tamperhorn