Troll available to good home. Semi-housebroken.

Honestly, we weren’t going to put anything up here at all. Then we found this dusty old box of I Like Irk! t-shirts. As we brushed away the skin cells and mite carcasses, the memories came flooding back. I Like Irk! Irk was always our favorite of the raft of Alf clones that washed up on the airwaves for a year or two - how come we hadn’t thought about it in so long?

The looks on the Keegan family’s faces when Irk first dug his way up from the Troll Underland into their backyard. The one where Irk was helping Danny get a homecoming date with the cutest girl in 9th grade, but she fell for Irk instead. The very special anti-drug episode with very special guest Kitty Dukakis. And the basketball one, where Irk and Danny take on Dr. J and Magic Johnson - and win! We couldn’t make that up!

Oh, yeah, remember Baby Oswald, the infant who joined the cast in season 4? He was played by a very young Hayden Panettiere in her first transgender role. Then there was that time the whole gang got up on stage to rock out with the hottest rocker in the world, Richard Marx. And, of course, we can’t forget the tragic end of Jeff Jennings, who played the family patriarch, Arnie Keegan. We still think the Bangkok police have never told the full story about what happened that night in that youth hostel.

We hadn’t thought about I Like Irk! since the rumors of a Hollywood remake starring Tim Allen died down in 2002. Even now, it almost feels like we dreamed the whole thing. But we know there are a lot of Irk fans among the Meh audience who never stopped loving the noxious little troll, so we thought we’d give you guys the Christmas gift of taking some of your money. More importantly for the diehards, it’ll also confuse and alienate any new potential customers who happen by for the first time today.

And isn’t that the greatest gift of all? Merry Christmas, you weirdos.