Holmes Air Purifier
- For cleansifying the air for small rooms, large closets, or huge boxes
- Includes a filter because what the Hell good is it without one?
- Filter contains baking soda, but it doesn’t taste like bread
- Model: HAP9412B-UA (Start with a meaningful acronym, good. Add a few digits, sure. Then it all goes wrong with some pointless letters and a hyphen. So close…)
You Can't Go Holmes Again
“Yo, Holmes. Don’t Humphrey that shit.”
“I think it’s ‘Bogart’, Holmes.”
“What, Holmes?”
“Holmes, it’s Bogart. Like the actor.”
“Who you supposed to be, Holmes? Leonard Maltin?”
“Come on, Holmes. You know, the way he was always holding a cigarette, the way you’re holding that joi-”
“Whoa! Whoa! Hold up, Holmes! Family website!”
“Uh, no, Holmes, we just said ‘shit’ a minute ago. And everybody can smell that dank anyway.”
“Not with our air purifier, Holmes.”
“I think your nose is stoned, Holmes. This is OK for purifying the air in small rooms, but it would take an army of them to take that smoke out of the air.”
“Then why are we always in these stupid stories, Holmes? Feels like we’re just a couple of cheap stoner caricatures who only exist to use dumb slang nobody actually says, and to stretch a corny pun so some lazy copywriter can basically phone it in for the day. And you know what we always seem to wind up talking about, Holmes? Air purifiers.”
“Word to ya moms, Holmes.”
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Holmes Air Purifier 52
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