- Google’s dulcet-toned answer to Amazon’s Alexa, i.e. a voice-activated home assistant
- You can use it to set timers, update your calendar, check the weather, order an Uber, check traffic on your commute (which Google already knows), play music, answer questions, and stop feeling alone
- It works with a bunch of smart home devices like Nest, Philips Hue, August Smart Lock, Belkin and Lutron (check here for a full list)
- Like all of these voice assistants, “The Home also endeavors to have a personality” (per CNET)
- Google teamed up with Walmart a few days ago so now you can order crap from them by saying it out loud
- We recommend this Wirecutter article for a detailed breakdown
- Model: GA3A00417A14 (One of the principles for Google employees is: “FAIL WELL – There should be no stigma attached to failure. If you do not fail often, you are not trying hard enough.” It seems that the model number copywriters are performing very well in terms of this principle.)
OK Google, Why Is This On Meh?
Today we’re offering this popular product at a typical Meh cheapskate price, but it isn’t flawed in some fundamental way. Weird, we know.
You see, a gadget like this Google Home usually only appears on Meh for a few reasons:
- The product has flopped
- The product has been outmoded by a newer version
- The product was dropped in a vat of molasses, melted in transit, or was otherwise damaged
So you’re wise to inspect this Google Home through squinty, suspicious eyes. “What’s your game, Meh?” You should be asking. “How are you hoodwinking me today?”
Inexplicably, we’re not. The Google Home hasn’t flopped, it’s not an old version, and the ones we’re selling don’t have some bizarre backstory. We didn’t steal them. We didn’t buy them from somebody who stole them. So we don’t know what to write in this space, where we usually give elaborate explanations for why you should buy the product despite some obvious flaw.
The only explanation for how we got these at such a low price is that our buyers who made it happen … are magical. Seems far-fetched, we know, but as Sherlock Holmes said, "Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.”
Yet this explanation raises a whole suite of other concerns. How far do the magical powers of our buyers extend? Can they control minds? Are we currently under their thrall as we write this product description praising their skills?
We need an impartial observer to tell us what’s real and what’s an illusion weaved by our warlock buyers. If only there were some kind of mechanical, question-answering machine that couldn’t be swayed by their dark arts …
Oh well, tomorrow we’ll get back to the usual outmoded/broken/crappy stuff. Don’t worry.