The future doesn't cost what it used to.

“Hello? Can you hear me? Can you see me?”

Yes… doctor? What happened? Where am I?

“You’re in a hospital. Can you tell me your name?”

Neil… Neil Ross, dammit… the best damn pan-and-tilt camera salesman in the whole damn world…

“Very good. Mr. Ross, you were in an accident. You were cryogenically frozen, in accordance with your wishes. That was almost 11 years ago. It’s now the year 2015.”

So… you figured out how to… cure… whatever it was that… happened to me?

“No, it turned out somebody made a mistake on your chart. You were fine the whole time. Glad we caught the mistake before the cryogenic liability provisions of Obamacare kicked in.”

I don’t know… what that means…

“Oh, right. Well, I don’t want to shock you, Mr. Ross, but a few things have changed while you were asleep. First, there’s the matter of your wife. In this state, after someone has been in a vegetative state for seven years, his or her spouse can legally divorce the-”

Whatever, whatever… fine… what about the pan-and-tilt camera industry, doctor?

“Uh, I’m afraid I don’t know what that means.”

Pan… and tilt… cameras… fancy video cameras that you can… move around… remotely… like, for security… or to see who’s at your front door… or what you’re baby’s doing… those cameras… I’m the best damn security-system salesman in the whole damn world… I’m Neil Ross… dammit…

“Oh, those cameras. Right. I just bought one of those for thirty-three dollars.”

Thirty-three dollars? But… that can’t include the CCTV monitors…

“Uh, well, no monitors are necessary. It’s an IP camera, so it’s networked, you know? You can watch it on any computer, tablet, or smartphone connected to the Internet. Oh, that reminds me, tablets and smartphones: they’ve revolutionized the way people communicate, entertain themselves, and ignore each other.”

I don’t… care about that… but no CCTV, you say?.. at least… we can still make money on the cables… and the installation… thirty-three dollars won’t cover… all that…

“No, sorry. It connects to the network wirelessly, via WiFi. No cables. And you can control it from your computer or phone, too, to make it pan and tilt. You just connect it all yourself.”

No… cables?.. No installation? Unbelievable… that’s where most of our markup was… certainly, though, that thirty-three dollars can’t possibly include the DVR or the hard drive, right?

“Actually, you just record the video right there to the computer’s hard drive. No external DVR necessary.”

And… all that… for… thirty-three dollars?

“Well, when it came out, it cost more like two hundred. It’s a pretty nice one.”

But… how do the salesmen make… any money selling those? I’m Neil Ross, dammit… if I’m not the best damn pan-and-tilt camera salesman in the whole damn world… who am I?

“I’m sorry, Mr. Ross. I know the low price and full functionality of the Foscam FI8910W must come as quite a shock.”

Wow… I guess I have to find something else… to do… with myself… good thing I’ve got my Lehman Brothers stock and my Florida real-estate investments to fall back on…

“Uh, so, I guess we should talk about that, too.”